DH is right now in Santa Monica being interviewed for a job which would mean us moving to California for probably a few years, taking our 3yrold and new baby with us.
We haven't decided whether he'd accept it or not, there are stillmany unknown factors not least how much he'll be paid and what the relocation settlement will be, but they should make a decision quickly so we can start thinking about it seriously.
Obviously our major downpoint would be moving away from family and friends, especially just after having our second child. My parents have been incredibly hands on and brilliant with DS, he stays at theirs regularly so I can work and has a great relationship with them.
I've just had a phone call from my Dad saying "I think you ought to know that your mum is very upset at the prospect of you moving to the states. She's been very tearful over it all. Just thought you needed to know that". I don't know what to say, we're spending the day with them tomorrow and of course it will come up. We're obviously trying to consider everyting and have already said one of the major conditions is DH getting paid enough to we can rent a big enough place with a spare bedroom so family and friends can come for extended stays, and we're able to save enough money for me and the kids to come home twice a year. We know we don't want to emigrate so there will definately be a time limit.
This is recurring theme in our family, if my mum is upset at me or my brother my Dad lays on the guilt trip. He's making it sound like I haven't considered her feelings which of course I have (and in my turn am a bit heartbroken because we are close). I would have been very surprised if she WASN'T upset but now feel like I can't even make an objective choice because they're laying on the guilt.
I don't know whether to just avoid the whole conversation tomorrow - DH is still at interview stage after all, no guarantees of getting the job and no guarantees he'll take it. I'm worried if it gets brought up I won't be sympathetic but will get defensive and bring up the fact that THEY moved to Sri Lanka when I was 2 months old for 3 years and then to Nigeria when my brother was 2 months old for 4 years - my GP were lucky to see us every 18months - 2years!
Ugh, any advice welcomed....
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just been given the guilt trip, how to approach parents?
7 replies
GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 05/08/2011 12:16
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