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Anyone else back in the UK with kids with DH still abroad?

(12 Posts)
modernmillie Fri 10-Jun-11 10:09:16

Returned to the UK with the children last September as DH uncertain of his job situation and older kids about to start crucial exam years. We have nearly completed a whole school year without him and we continue to live with uncertainty. Anyone else in this situation? I keep thinking so many single parents are out there coping but it's not quite the same. Just having a vent really.

latermater Fri 10-Jun-11 12:46:11

I am in the same position but the other way round - DH started his job in the Far East in March and we (2DCs and me) are going to join him in August. So we don't have the uncertainty, but we do have the same sense of living in limbo, waiting for something to happen. We completely underestimated how hard (in all senses - hard work, lonely, dull etc) - we would all find it - and before single parents point out that I don't know I'm born, I would add that I am even more full of admiration for single parents everywhere than I was before!

captainbarnacle Fri 10-Jun-11 12:50:35

OOo good thread.

OH went abroad to work 4.5 years ago when DC1 was 5m old. We see him for about 5 weeks a year. I stayed here because he travels all the time with work (not in western europe) and we'd hardly see him anyway.

Now I have DC2 and am 7m pg with DC3! I am kind of used to it now, but I think DC1 in particular misses his Dad sad

It's like being a single parent sometimes but with a regular, decent income. We only chat a couple of times a week on the phone - don't skype or anything. It's quite a weird set up when I type it here like this... I have no family here but I can be a SAHM which I am lucky to be able to do.

modernmillie Fri 10-Jun-11 13:14:48

Good to know there are others out there! Latermater, we did the same as you three years ago when my DH went out on his own prior to us all joining him for the start of the school term. I felt that was different as I was so busy winding everything up and preparing to ship the household overseas and thee was a sense of excitement and expectation.

Now its me plodding along with same old and the children missing their dad. I keep telling myself we are lucky to have the regular income but don't want it to carry on this way indefinitely. CaptainBarnacle you are a brave woman to have done it for so long!

latermater Fri 10-Jun-11 19:40:23

Yes, I feel guilty that I currently feel more overwhelmed (the clutter! the decisions!) than excited: I always prided myself on being good with change and am a more or less grown-up 40 something taking a break from a long career, but I don't find this stage easy, and DH enjoys the new job but is not yet used to the climate and frankly rather lonely at the moment (he has a lot of travel with his job so not easy to put down roots in our new city). So I look forward to heading off in August, but can't imagine how everything will get done before then if I am left in charge of it!

latermater Fri 10-Jun-11 19:50:15

Captain Barnacle, wow - that is a long stretch apart, especially with no other family around, and being pregnant and apart must be very tough. I find Skype a godsend - we had never used it before, but as well as talking to DH, children can hold up pictures they have done at school, prized new toys etc and have them admired (whether or not he can actually see them properly!) I love it.

jammie01 Fri 10-Jun-11 19:53:01

I am in the same situation. We lived together in the Middle East and after 3 years moved to Europe. He works in Kazakhstan. I live in a very small village with no friends or family around. I feel like a single parent and, i have one DC. It is getting me very down, i can't see an end to this and it doesn't help that my Dh is very irregular with his contact. My Ds misses him loads.

captainbarnacle Fri 10-Jun-11 20:15:24

Aw jammie sad I really feel for you. How old is your DC? I found myself really throwing myself into toddlergroups and such like to get out and about. How long have you been without him living with you most of the time?

I try and not think about being apart - I try and keep as busy as possible. I can text OH (even though he rarely gets a chance to reply). I can't see it ending for at least a couple of years unless he loses his job sad

jammie01 Fri 10-Jun-11 20:44:03

My Ds is nearly 5. He goes to a really good international school here. I have meet people through school but none of them are in the same situation. They live with their husbands and many have their parents living with them also. when it comes to the weekend they get on with family things, rightly so and i always feel at a loose end. I always do things with Ds so he has a fun time.
We have been doing this for nearly 2 years. I know i should be grateful for the income, lifestyle but i would rather live together as a family.

captainbarnacle Fri 10-Jun-11 20:48:34

I know exactly what you mean about weekends. We have got ourselves into a routine now of a music class at 10am then lunch in a cafe and walk around a town, then home for a film and a rest. On sundays we enjoy spending a day at home, or maybe go to a local event.

It's taken me a while but now I look forward to the weekends. DS1 will be 5 in the summer too and is beginning to be really good company. But I remain very jealous of the families I see doing things together sad

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 11-Jun-11 08:13:20

Where are you, Jammie? Any MNers near you?

I moved to Paris and DH and the DDs stayed in MK for three months until they joined me. I came back most weekends, but it was awful. I got back to MK at 10.30 at night and had to leave after lunch on Sunday to go back to Paris. It was a sad time; the weekend just seemed to be spent waiting for the time for me to go back, and trying to do the best we could with the time available. Couldn't have done it longterm.

jammie01 Sat 11-Jun-11 10:02:12

We have got ourselves into a routine at weekends and I do look forward to it. We are in Spain.

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