I want to fire my live-in maid but no idea how and all the advice I get from other expats is so horrible

(118 Posts)
creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 06:05:00

We have a full-time live in maid. I have never had this before. I hate it.

I really, really want to get rid of her but I have no idea how.

She is aggressively argumentative, criticises everything all the time, never does anything I ask.

On the other hand she does work really hard. I tried to get her to do sensible hours with a break in the middle of the day but she refuses and she is ALWAYS here. Working from 6am to 9pm with me begging her to PLEASE stop and go home or rest or something.

Yesterday she left the gate to the pool unlocked. It was a mistake, and we all make mistakes. But we have small children and this is a mistake that cannot be made. I told her on her first day that the most important part of this job was keeping the gate to the pool locked. When I told her yesterday that it had been left unlocked she first ignored me (because she was embarrassed and didn't want me to get cross - not that I ever have ) and then when I calmly but firmly said "You must remember to always, always lock the gate. This is very important" she got cross and started ranting that she DID always lock it and this was only one time and that I had left my balcony door unlocked last week and blah blah blah...

It is so exhausting. I find I am scared to even mention small things to her because she strops and sulks for days.

Just now she was washing up and asked why I had put the sponge (that she was using) in the wash. I said because it needed washing, and why had she taken it out of the wash? She said she didn't think it had been used for bad jobs so it was fine. I said it needed washing every day or two days and to please take a clean one. She roared with laughter and said that you cannot wash washing up sponges - they are always clean because they are used for washing!! So... she will do exactly what she wants and not wash the sponge.

But if I get rid of her she has no job, no income, family relying on her wage. She will cry and refuse to go and I'll have to make her. I feel like such a bitch sitting in my huge big house with every advantage in the world firing a poor old lady working for minimum wage (actually we pay double, but it's still not much) because she won't do my washing up precisely to my liking.

Other expats give completely shit shitty mcshit advice along the lines of "wait until she's out, pack up her things and take her to the airport. It's the only language these people understand! Delete her phone numbers. Don't tell her where she's going until you get there. Or she'll clean out your house and disappear!"

I don't really want her to work out notice because she will be so horrid while she's here. I'll happily pay her off. I just want her gone.

We're sending her to India for a month to see her family in August. I wondered about saying just before she left that she needn't come back, and paying her 2 months wages? Dh says that is a shitty thing to do.

She has already sort of threatened me that if I get rid of her things will be difficult for me. I have asked her to leave a few times before but she won't go.

OP’s posts: |
creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 06:12:23

So, what I'm asking is... what is the right thing to do? What is the fair and correct way to terminate her employment? I need her to not be here any more so I don't have to hide in my bedroom, or find excuses to stay out of the house.

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wordsonascreen Sun 15-May-11 06:29:34

I take it the shitty mcshit advice is from expat woman??

creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 06:38:14


OP’s posts: |
wordsonascreen Sun 15-May-11 06:46:36

It figures.
I understand the drive to the airport is a popular option.

How did you come to employ her ..if it was through an agency they may be able to get her another sponsor?

(oh and prepare to be flamed on here ..another default opinion)

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Sun 15-May-11 06:46:51

Do you have a contract/agreement with her? what does it says for notice?

Definitely pay the notice period, and if you had agreed to send her back in august pay the plane ticket too, may be book it for now not august though.

A bit confused about why she is not a local. Did you make her come to your house or was she working in the house when you rented it or was she in another job locally before?

Can you give her contact for a new job there is always expats looking for someone?
If she was employ locally before you are not really sending her away in the street, she must have a network.

If you flew her there for your service then you owe her a bit more support.
Be fair but firm. (I know crap advice)

wordsonascreen Sun 15-May-11 06:49:37

lemoust I'm guessing shes probably in the ME (like me)its pretty "normal" to sponsor someone to come oer here to work.


wordsonascreen Sun 15-May-11 06:51:46

If it were me I'd give her the option of going home now and pay her off or ask if she wants to stay (in rented) and hope she can get another sponsor to take over her visa.

ggirl Sun 15-May-11 06:58:55

can you try and find her another family to work for?

creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 07:02:45

We're paying the flight to India anyway. We were going to book it but she requested the cash and says she has booked it herself. For all I know she is going to stay with a friend down the road for a month, but that's her business. We have offered and paid for a flight home.

We are not her sponsors. Her previous employers have not cancelled her work visa and are aware that she is now working for us. Illegal, but very common.

We did not get her through an agency, or fly her over here. She was already here.

I started off working really hard to find her another job when I realised things were not working out here, but she refused to go to interviews or follow up job leads. When I drove her to an interview she didn't like the job because the family were not a nationality of her liking.

She even found a full time, sponsored, live-in job for her friend with an English family I know. Why didn't she take that job for herself?

What do you mean "stay here in rented" Wordsonascreen? She is currently living with us.

No contract. No agreement.

I just want to do the right thing by her. I just want her to not be in my house getting cross with me all the time.

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creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 07:05:25

For all she is a stroppy, duplicitous, argumentative, aggressive, dishonest old woman, she is also not very bright and extremely vulnerable.

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creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 07:06:13

Where does my moral responsibility end?

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ggirl Sun 15-May-11 07:11:07

can you insist on her living out?
sounds a nightmare

wordsonascreen Sun 15-May-11 07:11:41

I mean get her to stay in a rented room ie NOT living with you.
TBH I can see why the expat forum was so negative. She is with you illegally. It MAY be common but there are rules and if you choose not to follow them then thats the price you pay.

And I would pay her off and drive her to the airport in your circs unless you fancy a hefty fine and deportation yourself.

belgo Sun 15-May-11 07:11:56

Your moral responsibility ended when she threatened you.

Do not be scared of her, she knows you are, and that is why she is behaving this way. How does she behave with your dh?

FakePlasticTrees Sun 15-May-11 07:13:32

You have a responsiblity to be a good employer, but she has a responsibility to be a good employee. It's acceptable to end someone's employment. Tell her she's fired, you want her out of your home by X day (could you offer to pay for a cheap hotel for a week?). Pay her for her notice period plus another month's pay. If you've already paid for a flight, she's not stuck.

wordsonascreen Sun 15-May-11 07:14:42

Your moral obligation: shes not with you because she lives and wants to stay with you shes there for the money : ee gads pay her what she would have got and send her home.

wordsonascreen Sun 15-May-11 07:18:00

loves not lives

creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 07:22:03

Okay. We are currently mid-May.

Her flight is supposedly booked for the beginning of August.

Can I give her 3 months wages and ask her to move out this weekend?

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creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 07:23:48

Belgo - she doesn't ever speak to DH. Ever.

And he won't help me deal with her either. He would be delighted if she were gone. He and the children can't stand her. Well actually, littlest doesn't mind her because she feeds him sweeties all the time. But she doesn't like my daughter and it shows.

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creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 07:24:46

Oh, actually, we're going away. Maybe I'll do it the weekend after dh gets back.

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creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 07:25:33

So - 2 weeks time. 3 months wages and a couple of days to move out? Fair?

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wordsonascreen Sun 15-May-11 07:26:28

She can change her ticket (will probably be cheaper as well)
Its not working out be honest with her and use a proper agency next time (waggles finger)

creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 07:28:11

Yes. I deserve the finger wag.

From now on I shall be doing all my own housework, and I shall go out again in the evening with my husband when my children are teenagers.

OP’s posts: |
HattiFattner Sun 15-May-11 07:29:29

you could also be a cow and call the relevant immigration authorities and have her deported, but I guess you could end up with a fine for employing her? If you make up a story with immigration that you had not realised she was on a sponsored visa, and that you want her to leave, but she is resistng and threatening you?

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