Serial expats : how do you keep on making friends?

[LeMousquetaireAnonyme]

I have been an expat for 13 years, moved 5 times.
I always make efforts when I move, to go out and chat, get outside my comfort zone, take on roles (like playgroups....)
Now I have stayed 3 years in the same town and almost all my friends have now left. How do you keep going? Do I start again where I left 3 years ago? (expat associations, new comers coffee....)
Am I getting lazy or just tired?

How did you manage to renew your local friends? Can you do it when your schedule is different from the local population (think mediterranean timing versus british)?

DD1 is 6 in a very small school of local parents so not much opportunity for more friendship with the mums. DD2 is one so a clingy little monkey.

Just share your story or advice, TIA

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

It is difficult. We are on our fourth and last overseas time. Me and the girl are moving back to England in August.
I have found that most of the people I've met, and two that I could call friends have been through DDs school. I am lucky in as much that she always goes to International schools.
The school she goes to at the moment, is much more cliquey IMO, there is an Indian Jain one, and Indian Hindu one, a loose Muslim one and a Dutch one. In DDs class, I am the only mum married to another Brit.

[LeMousquetaireAnonyme]

That is what I mean, I don't fit in any clique, I circle around a few but don't feel really the same as my problems or way of thinking doesn't really match, also It is worse since DD2 is born as there is 5 years between them I don't have as much time to go around playgroups or baby stuffs...
and the few childless friends I had, have ran away fast with the new arrival (half joke there )

[Lollypolly]

Been an expat for 17 years, moved 9 times. The longest I've spent in a country is 6 years, the shortest is 3 months and this is our second posting with kids - been here 3 years. DD1 is at an international school with lots of potential involvement for mums (helping with swimming, baking, reading etc). About 50% of my friends have left since we've been here (don't think it's personal!!!) but I keep renewing and adding friends. The most frustrating thing I find is meeting people who are new here and feeling like a right old know-all answering questions about anything from where to buy European baby formula to the best airlines to get home (although I was the one asking the questions 3 years ago).

I have days when I'm invited to coffee or playdates with people I vaguely know and sometimes I cancel (unless it's something with the kids) because I can't be bothered to go through with the whole getting-to-know chat.

I have a brilliant circle of great local and expat friends at the moment and I run a mums support group, heading up a lovely committee and running events for mums of little ones - voluntary work can be a great way to get to know people, fill time and feel useful.

OP (where are you btw?) it sounds like you need to hit the coffees and associations to widen your circle - take a deep breath and prepare yourself for the "how long have you been here" inevitable questions....

[LeMousquetaireAnonyme]

Thanks lolly,
The think is I have done all that over and over, it is getting a bit blah!
I am in a mum expat support group (actually I run it) so I get a lot of questions. I think I am running out of steam or need a kick up the ...

The local I have met are childless or have completely different way of parenting or are lucky enough to have children who sleep late (I am up at 6) and all prefer to meet in the afternoon usually when I have to pick up DD1 or around our bed time.

I am also in the coffee morning of the french association, but I feel I am not french anymore. Apparently I even speak with an english accent I get a lot "Where are you from? you speak french very well"

Also a lot of expats are on a huge sum of money (some ridiculously so). We are not expat as such, more like "local foreigner", so can't afford the same amount of nannying (not that I would anyway), babysitting, hotel brunch, sport clubs, that people go on doing.

I think It has been harder because of the birth of DD2, then I haven't met a lot of people last year so have a gap year, when most people left and new one haven't arrived or are circling in different sphere.

I have acquaintances, it is all very formal or children orientated, but no real friend I can chat about anything and meet at any time (I do, but they move a lot so not here often, no children at school so freedom!)

May be it is just a phase??? or is it time to move again?

[Lollypolly]

I feel for you LMA, it can be really tough.

I guess you are French but where are you living? Are there any playgroups that you can take DD2 to? How old is she? I have a DD2 who was born 3 months into our current posting but a couple of DH's colleagues' wives had babies around the same age, as did my neighbour and one of the mums from DD1's school so although not one group, I did have other mums to meet up with and share the stress of not feeding / sleeping / whatever. This brought us closer together and now we meet up for girls nights after the kids are in bed and when the dads are home - not late though because we have 6am starts too!!!

I do find that being an expat parent is very up and down so hopefully this is the end of your down and you're heading up - bon courage

[mateysmum]

I am moving back to the UK this summer after 3 expat moves in 8 years. I shall have to start again at home of course, but if I was staying here I would be in the same boat. My last 2 close friends are leaving too. I have loads of acquaintances, but I know I would find it really hard to start on the coffee morning treadmill again. You have my sympathy.

[LeMousquetaireAnonyme]

I am in Bucharest, not the easiest town.
So a lot of moaning, complaining people around (not necessarily expats). I think they are getting me down.

DD2 is 15 months and as been mobile since 6 months so while other mums sit and chat, I run around like a nutter trying to stop her killing herself or destroying the place... She is supercute though .

Push hard on bottom of the pool to start the journey back up...

matey it will be weird at home to. It is a long time to be away! I have lost any frenchness (jokes, actors, most news...) I am more british now. DH is half british.