How to talk to children about moving overseas

[Boredatwork]

We've applied for a visa to emigrate to Australia and it will take about 12-18 months.
We've mentioned it to the children so they do know that it is a possibility, but haven't talked about it a lot as we didn't want them to worry about it.
Children are 10 and 8, and I've realised that my daughter (10) is very upset about the idea of going, though she hasn't said anything directly.
Just wanted to get some advice on how to talk to them about it, as obviously our plan of not talking about it so they wouldn't worry doesn't seem to be working!
Any advice appreciated.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

I had this very conversation with our DD today. Ours is in reverse though.
She and I will be coming back to England in July. She's never lived here.
I was able to show her the publicity stuff for the new school and she perked up with the promise of a couple of kittens.
Will your emigration be permanant?

[sunnydelight]

Can you afford to come for a reccie so the kids can see what you are talking about? Moving to the other side of the world away from friends and family can be a scary prospect for a child. We came for a visit when our kids were 3, 7 and 13 partly for that reason, and moved permanently when they were 4,8 and 14. The middle one (boy) didn't want to come from the start, loved the holiday but still said he didn't want to do it. The eldest didn't want to get back on the plane after the holiday even though everyone told us that he would never want to move at his age - he's now 17 and says he feels sorry for people who have to live in England!

With DS2 we brought EVERYTHING from his room down to the last lego brick even though otherwise we didn't bring very much at all. It really helped him to settle having his things around him. He loves the water so we promised him he would live in a house with a pool (we do). If you have family close by I would stress how easy life is now with Skype and cheap phone calls - reassure them they can still keep in touch with people. Bottom line though is you are the adult and it is your decision. Although it's not always a bed of roses, and Sydney is horribly expensive as a place to live, we know our children are having a much better life (and education) here than they would have had in the UK.

[ben5]

We told our children right from the start and showed them lots of stuff you can find on the internet and through books.
They were 18mths and 3.5 yrs when we first told them so don't know how much they knew or took in. When we landed in June 09( ds1 then 5.5 ds2 3.5) they were very excited and have settled very well.
As sunnydeilght says the way of life is so much better here than in UK and we spend alot of time outdoors. As a result we spend more time as a family( sometimes not easy as dh is in the navy!)
We have skype and started talking to our parents this way before we left UK so everyone was happy about this system!
What part of OZ are you looking at?

[Boredatwork]

Thanks all. I guess we need to talk to them about it.
We're going to Adelaide, but spent 3 weeks in Sydney with my SIL a couple of years ago.
They loved that holiday, and we refer back to it as an example of all the things we can do.
Perhaps need to talk about Skype and e-mail as a way to stay in touch, and would plan to take their bedroom furniture and toys with us to help them settle in, but it's a good point.
The idea is that the move is permanent. We're not selling up in the UK so could come back if it doesn't work for whatever reason, but don't really want to say that to them in case they think there's not much point trying to settle in as we'll be going home again soon.
Once again, thanks for your comments, and will start talking to them.

[seoraemaeul]

I think you also need to find out what the specifics are that she is worried about - I'm guessing at that age it may be friends, both losing old ones and making new ones. It may be helpful to talk specifically about that (or whatever it is) rather than generically. Granted my 2 are younger but for my DS, who is quite shy, I spent a lot of time before talking about how to make friends, reminding him of times when he'd had to make new ones and how he'd did it. And then I worked really hard at helping him make new ones once we were there - our house was openhouse for playdates to begin with so it was easier than at school
Could well be something else - but same general principle applies, what is it really that bugs her and try and work on that

[Boredatwork]

Thanks seoraemaeul,
It is friends - they'll miss the friends they have. Hadn't thought about discussing how to make new friends, and situations they have done this in the past. Good points. Will try that.

[Lollypolly]

Lots of great advice on here but I learned from a child psychologist that the biggest thing is to be positive about it yourself. If you are anxious or fearful about the move at all (even if it's about how the kids will cope), they will pick up on it.

We moved DD1 at 3.5 years so it was different but we promises swimming outside every day, a big leaving party and new bedroom with some new toys - amazing what bribery can do at that age!!!