Pregnant and lonely

(12 Posts)
LAbaby Sat 18-Dec-10 07:19:30

Hi, I'm new to Mumsnet but found this page and wondered if there was anyone else in a similar position to me. We moved to LA in October and I discovered two weeks ago that I'm pregnant (now 12 weeks). Although it wasn't planned I am excited about the baby. But I'm really worried about having it abroad. I'm 29 and this is my first. Everyone that I have met through work etc is young and single, so now I will have nothing in common with them. I don't know how to make pregnant friends here as there doesn't seem to be any NCT class or anything. I haven't told anyone here yet as don't know them well enough to confide (and I'm worried about the reaction from work).
And on top of that I don't understand how the medical system works, so although we paid to have a first scan, I have to wait for my medical insurance to be processed through work before I can properly register with a doctor.
Any encouragement would be very gratefully received.

OP’s posts: |
PrincessTwolyilah Sat 18-Dec-10 10:49:40

awww its ok. Remember new country new life and new baby can take an emotional toll on you. Get plenty of rest and put your feet up whenever possible.

Dont be worried about telling people at work. Give yourself time to adjust to the idea and then you can be ready to tell them.

I remember when i was pregnant with my first at i use to wonder how people would react. But everyone was so supportive and actually helped me out a lot more because i was pregnant. ie. offered cups of water/tea, picked up heavy boxes for me etc

New systems can be hard to adjust to just ask questions medical staff, collegues etc people will be willing to help. Google is the next best thing.smile.

There will be some mum to be or mother/baby groups around in your area. Just pop along. Mums are generally very welcoming.

Remember if your confident in yourself and just ask; everyone else will be more than forthcoming to give you advice or a helping hand.

best of luck

MercenaryMom Sat 18-Dec-10 12:08:53

Hi there. I'm in a similar situation to you as we moved from the UK to Australia when I was 10 weeks pregnant.

You will figure out the medical system with time. In fact, because you're using it so much, you'll become the family expert before you know it!

As for meeting other mums, have a look round for classes aimed at pregnant women, such as yoga, pilates, water aerobics, relaxation, etc - whatever appeals to you. Also, since this is your first baby, you may be interested in some prenatal or childbirth classes. Ask everyone you meet who has children for recommendations and keep an eye out for flyers at the doctor or hospital.

It is much easier to get to know people when you're pregnant because you all have something in common.

I've been taking pregnancy yoga classes and have met a wonderful group of women that I'm sure I'll keep in touch with even after our babies are born. It hasn't been easy, but I'm getting there - and I'm sure you will too.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck!

LAbaby Sat 18-Dec-10 17:45:14

Oh thank you! It's nice to hear your congratulations as we haven't told anyone (apart from our parents) just yet.

I am looking forward to the future, more so every day. And while it is scary being so far away from home, at least it's America and everyone speaks English - I know it's a lot easier for us than it is for many people.

I've only got one friend who has had children back in England, but she made tons of baby friends, so I really hope I do too. I am going to sign up for every class going and hopefully find one I like the people in! I'm almost more worried about making friends than giving birth (but not really!)

One thing that does worry me is the idea of the baby being an American citizen. Does anyone happen to know if that will affect their right to live in the UK etc? We plan to move back before it starts school.

OP’s posts: |
GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh Mon 20-Dec-10 21:30:00

If you or your DH are Britush and born in the UK then baby will auto automatically be Britush so no problem there. They'll have the advantage of dual citizenship with a pretty exclusive country!

Foreign citizens who are permanently resident in the UK are entitled to education and healthcare etc so no problems there. If you're not British or your citizenship is by descent you'll need to do a bit of research but there are options to apply for Britush citizenship or to naturalise at a later date.

Congrats on your pregnancy! MN is a really fabulous resource - there's at least 1 pregnant MNer in America at the moment and lots more with experience if the system. I'm very envious that you're in an Englush speaking country. I'm a 1st timer and having to do it all in French!

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh Mon 20-Dec-10 21:33:05

Why is my iPhone insisting that British is autocorrected to Britush? WTF is Britush?

And why will it not let me post? Apologies if this arrives ten times...

MercenaryMom Tue 21-Dec-10 05:41:47

One word of warning on US citizenship. The US is one of the only countries in the world that applies federal tax liability on the basis of citizenship, not residency. That means, if you're an American citizen, even if you haven't lived or worked in the US for years, you are still required to file your federal income tax annually.

There are a number of exemptions, so unless you are a high earner, you probably won't have to pay double tax. But you still have to file every year - which can be a painful, complicated process. Don't suppose the IRS will hunt you down overseas if you fail to file, but it can affect US passport renewal and ever relocating to the US if you don't.

Anyway, it is something that you and your DH might want to look into a bit further...

My DD has dual US/UK citizenship and I often feel guilty that she's inherited US tax agony from me hmm.

Great attitude about signing up for every class you can find. It really is easy to make friends when you've got pregnancy or babies in common! Good luck!

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tadventjennyp Tue 21-Dec-10 05:53:29

I'm British, pregnant and living in America too. You should join us on the Living in America thread as there are lots of people with really useful info on it. If you are concerned about citizenship then check out the UKinUSA website of the British embassy. It will give you all the info you need about registering births, applying for passports for the baby etc.

Mostly congratulations on the pregnancy and the move! grin

tadventjennyp Thu 23-Dec-10 02:16:30

Haha - looks like it's just me who's pregnant and lonely! grin

anonymosity Thu 23-Dec-10 04:07:22

LA Baby you should try Mom's club - there are branches all over the US including parts of Los Angeles. They have mother and baby playgroups from newborn up to about 5 yrs old. If you get involved early you will be with a bunch of other mums who are having babies all at the same time. I found this : Website: http://www.geocities.com/momsclubwestla/index.html
Email: membershipwla@yahoo.com

and if you go onto Meetup.com there are many mother / baby groups - stroller strides etc.

Hope it goes well, the pregnancy. Its always a bit lonely where ever you are, to be honest.

Sarice Fri 07-Jan-11 15:16:11

Hi, Just come across this thread and I know just how you feel.

Im living in Colombia, South America with my husband while he is working. Im 18 weeks pregnant and finding it all a little difficult. As much as I have tried, there are very few groups to join and other mums and mums to be tend to keep themselves to themselves and their families.

There isnt any ex pat community here to speak of either.

I miss home and like you feel like I will be missing out on a lot of support having the baby here. But congratulations!!!!

Want2bSupermum Fri 07-Jan-11 21:58:00

Hello - I am also having our first child here in the US but on the east coast. We have been here for 5 years and made friends through going to bars and getting a dog (I walk the dog daily and he is known by everyone in our town now)! Our friends who have had children have met other couples at NCT classes, playtime, mommie and me classes etc.

NCT classes are held at our hospital and cost around $150 which is rather reasonable. I can't compare the different healthcare systems but others on here have told me they had a way better experience in the US than the UK. So far I have had scans at 8 and 12 wks, genetic screening and seen my obn three times. I do like that I see a dr rather than a specialized nurse.

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