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DH is going to die

(79 Posts)
oopsydaisymaisy Wed 10-Oct-12 22:40:14

DH has cancer. We have been fighting it but today we decided: no more pain, the doctors have been telling us that there's no real hope, but we've tried to ignore it for so long. He will continue taking the drugs which will prolong his life, but chances are he'll have about five months to live. We're lucky- some people die in that amount of time from the diagnosis, and five months is a long time. In about three months, he will probably need extra help, but his quality of life won't suffer into around five months, when he will die- thankfully he will deteriorate quickly instead of having a painful non-life.

We don't know what to tell anyone, especially our kids, and I just need someone to hold my hand.

TheOldestCat Wed 10-Oct-12 22:41:56

Very sorry to hear this.

Am holding your hand.

piratecat Wed 10-Oct-12 22:42:09

take my hand. i am so sorry daisymaisy xx

Hassled Wed 10-Oct-12 22:43:10

I'm so sorry - I can't begin to imagine what you're going through.

Winston's Wish are very good for helping children through bereavement, and I know some hospices offer counselling prior to the bereavement to help children understand what's going to happen - I'm sure your GP would know. You will be in my thoughts.

Caladria Wed 10-Oct-12 22:43:38

What TheOldestCat said. And that a good death is a rare and wonderful thing.

Toughasoldboots Wed 10-Oct-12 22:43:55

sad sorry daisymaisy I hope that you manage to have some lovely times together in the next few months and treasure the time that you have left.

Musomathsci Wed 10-Oct-12 22:44:04

So sorry, awful for you both. How old are your kids? Do you have other family around that you can confide in?

difficultpickle Wed 10-Oct-12 22:44:17

So so sorry. How old are your dcs?

VivaLeBeaver Wed 10-Oct-12 22:44:21

I'm so sorry.

How old are the kids? How much do they know already?

Asmywhimsytakesme Wed 10-Oct-12 22:44:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onedev Wed 10-Oct-12 22:44:30

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have no advice but would say to be kind to yourself. How old are your children?

I really don't know what to say - I am so sorry.

magnolia74 Wed 10-Oct-12 22:45:29

Here's my hand xxxx

I am losing my dad to cancer and its unbelievably hard sad

Huge hugs to you and your family x

LST Wed 10-Oct-12 22:46:56

I'm so sorry op sad xxx

VBisme Wed 10-Oct-12 22:47:38

So sorry, you must be devastatted. I hope you can make wonderful memories in these last months.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Wed 10-Oct-12 22:48:41

Gosh, you both sound very brave.

I second the suggestion for Winstons Wish. A friends children have been supported very well by them. They will be able to offer you and your dc very good advice and support.

I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through this.


oopsydaisymaisy Wed 10-Oct-12 22:52:28

onedev they are 11 (twins), 7 and a 4yr old, who we only adopted eight months ago. This will be her first and last Christmas with DH and I wanted her to have so many happy memories of her new daddy. I just want to fill it with special things, and as it is happening, I'm just glad we can spend a Christmas and a proper celebration together- and our time together will include all the children's birthdays, so we have time for all the happiest memories ever. I want this to be the most special, wonderful time of my life, just us six, all together- even if it'll be the saddest.

Jacksmania Wed 10-Oct-12 22:53:34

Here's my hand too. I'm in a different time zone (GMT -8) so often post T odd hours if you ever need a middle-of-the-night hand to hold.

I am so, so sorry.

Haveaheart Wed 10-Oct-12 22:56:23

How awful for you and your children. My wonderful dad is terminally ill with cancer, it is unbearable. I am thinking of you.

cupofteaplease Wed 10-Oct-12 22:57:42

I'm so sorry. I don't have the right words, so I'll just offer my hand too. I'll keep your family in my prayers x

bumpybecky Wed 10-Oct-12 22:59:00

I'm so sorry sad

PullyWoolOver Wed 10-Oct-12 23:00:51

So very sorry to hear this OP x

PiedWagtail Wed 10-Oct-12 23:01:45

Take my hand too daisymaisy. So so sorry.

TuftyFinch Wed 10-Oct-12 23:03:08

Oopsydaisymaisy, I'm really sorry xx

FarloWearsAGoldRibbon Wed 10-Oct-12 23:03:10

So, so sorry sad. Also want to recommend Winston's Wish. They do great books and memory boxes too that may help. If you have a Maggie's centre nearby they may also be able to provide counselling for you all. Thinking of you all.

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 10-Oct-12 23:05:09

So sorry x

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