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Life-limiting illness

Mum dying of cancer - hospice

24 replies

Namechange19890 · 23/06/2020 17:27

My mum is dying of cancer. She now cannot get up to go toilet, is slurring, eyes rolling back. She is going to a hospice tomorrow and will be there until she goes. How long in other peoples experiences does she have left now? My younger brother lives with her. I don't get on well with my mums side of the family so not much support. Can't tell my dad - parents split years ago.

OP posts:

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Namechange19890 · 23/06/2020 17:28

Also to say I feel numb. Feel left out as I can clearly tell people don't want me there and my emotions are everywhere. I'm a single parent too. School supportive and got a couple of friends who I'm hoping will take my child when she's got less than a day. I have a partner but don't live with him.

OP posts:

Lightsabre · 23/06/2020 17:44

I'm sorry to hear about your mum 💐. Hospices usually accept people in the end stages so up to two weeks but obviously this can be shorter or a little longer. She will receive compassionate care and it's a much nicer environment than a hospital. They will also provide you with support if needed.

Namechange19890 · 23/06/2020 18:19

Thank you, I didn't realise they could provide me with support too. It's so emotionally painful and my mums side are pushing me away cos as I said I don't get along with them.

OP posts:

clareykb · 23/06/2020 18:23

So sorry, my mil passed away in a hospice a few years ago from cancer, she died just over two weeks after being admitted it was really tough but I know the hospice were really supportive x

0DimSumMum0 · 24/06/2020 00:06

Sorry to hear about your Mum. When my Dad got to this point he had about a week left.

Bettysprocker · 24/06/2020 00:12

My mum died of cancer last year. She was set to be moved into the hospice the day after she died. From our chats with Macmillan we were told usually within a week or two but it never happened. The hospice can provide counselling for you and your family. I'm sorry you're going through this at such an awful time.

comeasyouare91 · 24/06/2020 00:37

My Dad was 6 days. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. My heart goes out to you

User198724 · 24/06/2020 03:15

I found the refusing of food to be the biggest indicator. Mum was a week after refusing food and dad was 2 days.
I think it very much depends on the mentality of the person, dad was lively to the very end and was convinced he would live forever whereas mum decided quite early that she didn’t want to live anymore.
You will get through this op! It’s an absolutely awful time but please reach out if you need and support! The beautiful people on mumsnet really helped me through.

Hangingover · 24/06/2020 03:40

Oh you poor love. It awful. Try to take things hour by hour and don't think about "after" yet. After will take care of itself. I agree food was the indicator for us but my DM was quite young so she hung on quite a bit longer. The staff were able to tell us which night she'd probably go and they were right. Its so scary and weird and awful for you, I'm so sorry. The good news is they out you on a syringe driver in the hospice with painkillers and sedatives which makes for a steady stream of medicine and takes the pain away. Here's a tip someone gave me which I wish I'd listened to, though. If you do want to have a conversation about anything, do it before they get the driver going. I don't know if it's the same for everyone but this chap who tipped me off and my mum didn't really talk after the driver went in and didn't make much sense if they did. But it was definitely the right thing for us as her pain seemed to go away. Thinking of you. Keep posting

cakeandchampagne · 24/06/2020 04:25

So sorry about your mum.

Namechange19890 · 07/07/2020 23:50

I'm not sure if anyone is still following this, but I just wanted to come back and say unfortunately she passed away the same evening I posted this thread must of been about half hour after I posted. She didn't want to go to a hospice and I'm glad she didn't as she wanted to be at home when she passed.

OP posts:

Kettlingur · 07/07/2020 23:58

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum.

DobbyHP · 08/07/2020 00:43

So sorry for your loss xx

Hopingtobeamum · 08/07/2020 00:56

Hi. We did 3 weeks with MIL and 3 weeks with FIL, both in the same hospice but 3 months apart.
It's not easy but in my experience the hospice was great to MIL and FIL and also to the rest of the family.
So sorry to hear you're going through this. Big hugs to you xx

ineedaholidaynow · 08/07/2020 01:07

I’m so sorry OP

There is a thread for people who have lost a parent in the Bereavement section, if you need it. I received invaluable support from there when I lost my DF a couple of years ago.

PatricksRum · 08/07/2020 01:32

Sorry to hear of your loss. Hopefully you find comfort in her having the passing where she wanted.

DramaAlpaca · 08/07/2020 01:35

I'm so sorry for your loss I'm glad she was at home as she wanted. Hope you are OK

Purpleartichoke · 08/07/2020 02:10

My mom lasted less than a day. It seemed like hospice was a relief for her and she could finally stop fighting. It really seemed easier for her once nurses were responsible for her care instead of family. She was stubborn and proud. She passed the first time my father finally left the room for just a few minutes. We have come to believe she was fighting so hard so that he wouldn’t have to be the one to find her.

Inthetropics · 08/07/2020 02:25

My FIL died of pancreatic cancer today. In the final days he couldn't swallow and experienced delirium. In my experience its really fast once they begin to refuse food and lower considerably their water intake. So sorry for what you're going through.

cakeandchampagne · 08/07/2020 03:20

Sorry for your loss.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 08/07/2020 05:34

So sorry to hear she's gone, OP. It's the hardest thing I've gone through, losing my mum. It's like I have no anchor now. But we get through it. The bereavement chat on here really helped me, so check it out.

Good she got her wish to stay at home.

stellabelle · 08/07/2020 05:41

So sorry for you. There really isn't a time frame, but from my experience, my sister died on the day she went into the hospice, but my best friend was there for about 3 weeks. The care was outstanding, and I was so glad that both of them died with loving and caring people around them. Your mum will be in good hands.

PatricksRum · 08/07/2020 06:18

@stellabelle

So sorry for you. There really isn't a time frame, but from my experience, my sister died on the day she went into the hospice, but my best friend was there for about 3 weeks. The care was outstanding, and I was so glad that both of them died with loving and caring people around them. Your mum will be in good hands.

At least read the bloody thread.

Honestly, we have filter by OP now. 2 posts she's written.

So lazy.

Chapellass · 11/07/2020 23:11

So sorry for your loss OP

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