My dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer last month. It is incurable as has spread to lymph nodes BUT he feels fine in himself and has no obvious symptoms. He is on hormone therapy to shrink the tumour and stop the spread so he can at present carry on his day to day life as normal. It did come as a huge shock as although we all knew that cancer was present ,12 months ago it was very small and confined to the prostate ,it became aggressive very quickly. However my mum is not coping. My dad is a very placid individual and some may say under the thumb, my mum clicks and he does - always has since we were kids. My mum was spolit by her dad so much so that her siblings resent the fact she was so over indulged she then met my dad when she was 18 and he has spolit her too. Now this diagnosis has come and she has no control and she is scared what will happen when she is alone. My dad is being positive but all his energy is being used on worrying about her as she doesn't sleep and is always crying and is constantly talking about when she is alone. In one respect she is very independent and very in charge as what she says she gets. Any one pisses her off and she makes sure you know it. My poor dad is the one with this horrible diagnosis and she is making it all about her. It is horrendous what has happened and they have been married for 51 years so this is an awful thing to deal with but she needs to put her feelings aside (does that sound horrible) and put my dad first - it has always been him putting her first- so this is a new concept for her. Would it be wrong of myself and my brother to give her a bit of a pep talk about the fact that this isn't about her it is about my dad and she needs to somehow snap out of this self pity for his benefit - sounds harsh but everything has always been for her benefit before. I don't honestly think it will make any difference as she is not used to being told what to do, it is always her telling people what to do! On this treatment best case scenario he could have 5 years left - or worst case 18 months no one knows but we want to make my dads time he has left fun and enjoyable.
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Life-limiting illness
Mum not coping with dads advanced cancer diagnosis
4 replies
citcatgirl45 · 23/10/2019 22:42
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