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My father is dying

(22 Posts)
pejorativelyspeaking Wed 21-Aug-19 02:29:23

As it says really
Liver, lung and bowel cancer. Diagnosed 2 months ago and I'm sat with him now in hospital following a panicked phone call from him as he was frightened and couldn't breathe.
The nurses are wonderful but his constipation has left him so confused he doesn't know what's been done to help him and at what time.
It's in humane. Wicked-and I can't believe my father who was so strong, always there- and my kids personal taxi service is now so diminished. So in pain and so totally removed from all he is, was.
But he called me-in his panic, and that I admit means everything to me .

OP’s posts: |
theministryhasfallen Wed 21-Aug-19 02:44:21

I wish I had a better answer, but here's a hand hold xxx

Nat6999 Wed 21-Aug-19 02:57:35

I lost my dad in January, he had been getting a bit frail for the last couple of years but nothing you could put your finger on. He had been ill over Christmas & his GP diagnosed heart failure, he referred him to the hospital & he was waiting for an appointment. The doctor came & took some blood & at 10.00 the same night my parents had a phone call from the hospital, they wanted him in the hospital the next day as his kidneys had failed. He went in the next morning & two days later we were called as they thought he was going to die, he came round enough for us to go home. He died a week later, just slipped away in the morning before we could get to the hospital. I miss him terribly, but I felt numb for ages afterwards, the funeral didn't register with me, I couldnt associate that wooden box with my big strong dad, I still can't think of him as that frail old man, I can only remember him coming home from work & playing with me & my brother when we were kids, that is the way I will always remember him. Don't be afraid to ask for support or help, I hope your dad will be at peace & out of pain, it's an awful time, something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

tryingtobebetterallthetime Wed 21-Aug-19 03:40:41

Surely they can do something about constipation? Unless of course it is an actual bowel obstruction, which could require surgery. What treatment is he getting? Have you spoken to the doctors? I don't mean to just raise issues but you seem to be feeling the care is not humane. Sometimes we need to advocate and question.

I am so sorry you are going through this.🌸🌸

IronLion Wed 21-Aug-19 08:51:19

So sorry to see this. Can you ask for a hospice referral? IME they are excellent at care, comfort and pain management at this stage in an illness. Best wishes op. Having gone through something similar with my dad last year I know how hard this is.

Newmumma83 Wed 21-Aug-19 08:54:44

I assure you that you also mean everything to him! Just be his voice and be his strength like he has been yours as much as you can.

But ask for help from others it’s I was there for My grandad and it was tough I can only imagine how hard it is to be there for your dad because that’s a whole other level
Of love ... my thoughts are with you both ...flowers

ShhhBeQuiet Wed 21-Aug-19 09:07:25

Sorry that you are having to deal with this. It must be so difficult. 💐💐💐

pejorativelyspeaking Wed 21-Aug-19 13:18:21

Am advocating fully fir him, he has had every possible drug for the constipation, 5 enemas, suppositorys, laxatives, softeners, injtections and essentially poo grandades and it's not working.
We are having a scan today to see if there is an obstruction buteverthing is so slow-over a week he has been like this.
They have so far said they won't operate due to his platelet levels. The risk of bleeding is too great and they wouldn't be able to stop it. At this point that almost seems kinder.

OP’s posts: |
Newmumma83 Wed 21-Aug-19 16:17:23

You can do no more just be there x

Lovelymonkeyninetynine Thu 22-Aug-19 18:48:23

Offering another handhold OP, I hope you're ok. I went through this last year, dreadful time. Please remember to be kind to yourself, this is very hard on you. I sort of forgot that during all the advocating for mum and worrying about her pain. Thinking of you x

pejorativelyspeaking Fri 23-Aug-19 14:40:43

My dad passed away this morning x I'm so lost

OP’s posts: |
Noteventhebestdrummer Fri 23-Aug-19 15:16:47

So sorry to hear your sad news, sending lots of love.

Minxmumma Fri 23-Aug-19 18:24:36

I am so so sorry for your loss.

Mollyboboff Fri 23-Aug-19 18:32:53

Sorry for your loss flowers

ajandjjmum Fri 23-Aug-19 18:33:13

I'm so sorry. I hope that you can take some comfort now that he's not suffering any more, and from the wonderful memories you have of him.

MrsCat1 Fri 23-Aug-19 18:43:15

So so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away 4 months ago. I loved him so much. Be kind to yourself. Accept all help offered. Remember how much he loved u. And that is all u can do because we are all just humans. Holding your hand. 💐

notapizzaeater Fri 23-Aug-19 21:48:51

So sorry for your loss x

bananajelly Sat 24-Aug-19 18:35:44

So sorry to hear your sad news. There are lots of people to talk to, you aren't alone ❤️

Soozikinzii Sat 24-Aug-19 18:37:12

So sorry for your great loss xx

MrsMozartMkII Sat 24-Aug-19 18:41:23

I'm so sorry.

May he rest he rest in peace flowers

PrincessMargaret Sat 24-Aug-19 18:50:11

So sorry to hear this. sad Look after yourself .

Mother87 Thu 19-Sep-19 15:53:22

thanksthanksthanksmy daddy passed away on Sunday - sorry for your loss... i've been told it won't always feel like this... let's hope so xxx

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