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Anticipating the worst

(12 Posts)
fatpatsthong Mon 15-Apr-19 18:44:19

My dad is poorly. Properly poorly. He's lost tonnes of weight, has been throwing up, no appetite and tummy and mid back pain. I saw him for the first time in 2 weeks yesterday and was shocked - he looks like my grandpa did just before he died although he's 15 years younger (he's 72). He's also jaundiced.

Him and my mum are convinced this is a rib strain (the back pain....). His dr clearly doesn't as he's had pints of blood taken and has now been sent for a scan. I am very sure it's not. All his symptoms point to pancreatic cancer which his brother died of many years ago.

I would love to be wrong but I don't think I am. Dh is getting cross with me for worrying about things before we know but in a funny way I'd rather do it my way so I'm as prepared as possible.

My mum and dad have been together for 50 years. We lost my brother unexpectedly a few years ago and my mum is still really struggling with this. I have 2 pre teens who are very close to df. I am going to need to be the strong one here.

So what can I do? I know I'm getting ahead of things and it feels a bit unreal but there is no way this is ok.

OP’s posts: |
IkickedtheBigC Tue 16-Apr-19 09:46:42

Waiting for results, in my opinion is worse than being given an actual diagnosis. Once diagnosed you have a plan. Something to work to. Someone who understands what needs doing organises it.
I sincerely hope it's nothing serious, but make sure you take time to look after yourself.
Spinning too many plates takes its toll 💐

User7308cftj35902z Tue 16-Apr-19 12:18:35

I know it's easier said than done but try not to get carried away with your thoughts. Wait for the results. It's good that you are open to the fact that it could be something very serious so that you can prepare yourself for any practicalities in the future.

The symptoms could be other stuff beside Pancreatic Cancer - it could be pancreatitis (although I appreciate that can be very serious too). Is it more likely to be liver-related (hepatitis, cirrhosis)?

fatpatsthong Tue 16-Apr-19 13:01:58

Thank you both. I had a good chat with dh last night and feel a bit more level and know he's here for me. We've come to the conclusion no one goes on forever and we just need to roll with whatever it is.

It could be something else. His painkillers for the back have messed with his diabetes medication apparently so may be that and I know that may cause liver issues as you suggest.

I suspect my parents know more than they want to tell me in any case (I am their baby and they don't want to worry me) and that's ok. It's just being prepared isn't it.

OP’s posts: |
fatpatsthong Wed 01-May-19 17:14:28

So we have a diagnosis- stomach cancer which has secondaries so not looking too great. Consultant apparently not writing off good palliative care options though so that may give us some more time.

He is just so unwell though with no quality of life. This is so shit.

OP’s posts: |
Knittedfairies Wed 01-May-19 17:22:29

I'm sorry to read your update. Even though you thought there was something seriously wrong with your dad, it's still a shock when it's made official. I hope your dad can be made comfortable; look after yourself too.

Willowkins Thu 02-May-19 18:17:23

I hope he gets some relief for his symptoms and starts to feel better soon flowers

IkickedtheBigC Fri 03-May-19 08:25:24

I'm sorry to read your update.
Sending love and prayers as your dear dad and your family deal with this news x x

fatpatsthong Fri 03-May-19 08:47:08

Thanks everyone. Mum and dad have started to let people know so mum
Is fielding lots of calls bless her. I've managed to get her to the drs to top up her anxiety meds which is good.

Needs to tell the kids but will leave that til we know more. Ok atm but more worried about mum than dad - he has pain relief now so heaps better ironically!

OP’s posts: |
Gamorasgran Thu 23-May-19 22:08:33

So sadly looks like we may already be heading into final days. 2 months after he started to feel poorly we've been told to take things day by day and it's looking doubtful he'll leave hospital (he's been in for a walk).

user1471490551 Thu 23-May-19 22:13:09


MadeForThis Thu 23-May-19 22:20:03

We lost our dad a month ago. Similar symptoms. Jaundice took him to hospital and he was gone within 2 weeks. They were still waiting for the final biopsy results to show how far the cancer had spread.

I don't know if it's any consolation but he slipped away peacefully and in no pain. As shocking as it is for us all we are trying to take comfort in the fact that he didn't suffer.

I'm so sorry x

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