Secondary Cancer, Blood Clots and shingles

[Jenasaurus]

My mother was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in 2014. She had a radical hysterectomy and chemotherapy. The cancer has returned to her lymph nodes in her neck, so she was given further chemotherapy, after first trying hormone therapy. The chemotherapy was stopped last month as she developed shingles. Now she had a scan last week and she was found to have a blood clot so is being given blood thinners.

My mum also has Alzheimer's and is in a care home which has nursing care for both her cancer and her alzheimers. Shes is 81 and has lost interest in eating, painfully thin and doesn't recognise her family anymore, we all spend lots of time with her but she is living a very sad existence, I don't know how much more she can take.

Sorry don't know what I have come on here for, just need to let it out somewhere.

[CoperCabana]

I don’t know what to say but didn’t want to leave your post unanswered. I am so sorry for your mum and for you and all of your family.

[CoperCabana]

Have they outlined the next steps to you? Have they laid out any options? It sounds incredibly tough on you all.

[Jenasaurus]

Hello, thanks for replying. They haven't really told us what to expect but I have used google but its all a little confusing and contradictory. My father died of bowel cancer in 2007 and it was a very different experience, he was in a lot of pain and ended his days in a hospice on morphine. My mums cancer doesn't seem to be causing her pain (which is a blessing) she isn't on any pain meds, but the shingles was uncomfortable and when she was on the chemo she was unwell from that. It just seems like she is wasting away and losing her memory. I am scared to think how she will eventually pass away. I hope in her sleep and peacefully. I don't like saying that about my lovely mum, but part of me wants it to be over for her as she is so confused

[CoperCabana]

I think that is what you need to focus on then. Trying to speak to someone about her care plan from now on. My mum made it easy for us (or as easy as it could be) by refusing any more chemo, in the knowledge of what that would mean (and it was quite quick from there for her). But obviously your mum is not able to make such a decision. Is there someone at the Care Home that you can talk to about palliative care? Sorry - I don’t know much about this but please keep talking here, especially the things that are so difficult to say in real life around hoping for your mum’s suffering to be over.

Hopefully as well some other posters may be able to provide some more practical advice.

[Jenasaurus]

my sister has power of attorney and is legally able to speak out for mum and her end of life care. Its hard as one thing I always promised her is she wouldn't end up in a home, but it was impossible and unsafe for her to be at home. We tried carers, home help etc but my mum would shoo them out of the house and refuse to have a bath etc and in the end we had no option.

My mum always used to say she wasn't scared of dying but scared of how she died and the pain and if she wasn't dead, being buried alive, so I am now taking this on board on her behalf, to try and make sure she is pain free and i even promised to check she has really passed :( when the time comes

The care home is lovely though, the staff are fantastic so I know she is being well cared for. The oncologist stopped her chemo when she got shingles so its just palliative care, well to be honest its no medication at all, as she isn't on anything

Thanks for listening.

[Jenasaurus]

I will keep talking as I know when my father was at the end of his life, I trawled the internet looking for answers about what to expect and all I could find were medical definitions or the stage before, so I promise to keep posting to help others know what to expect, although all journeys are different if it helps one person, then I am glad

[CoperCabana]

I will keep listening if you need support and kind of you to share your exoerience for the benefit of others. Hope your mum continues to be comfortable and pain free.

[Slightlyperturbedowlagain]

my colleague lost her mum to dementia last year as she lost interest in food and wouldn’t eat too. Its good to hear you are happy with the care home, my DSD mentioned that there is a set of indicators that are used to check whether non-communicative patients are in pain, so you can ask about the signs they are looking out for to check if pain medication is needed. I hope it is as good as it can be

[CoperCabana]

Hope your mum is doing ok