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DM has heart failure

(11 Posts)
PinkSparklyPussyCat Tue 12-Sep-17 11:48:40

I found out last week that DM has heart failure. She's going for a echocardiogram at the end of the month to see how bad she is but, although I'm trying to think positive, I know it's not going to be good as she's so poorly.

Once the doctor told me, everything fell into place - she's got shortness of breath, swollen legs, cough, loss of appetite, depression and anxiety. He told me yesterday that there are two scenarios for the scan result - 1. her heart isn’t too bad and the symptoms can be managed by drugs and 2. It’s bad and she will deteriorate in 6-12 months.

She's nearly blind but still lives at home. She can still do most things for herself, albeit slowly, but we've now got carers going in 4 times a week to cook her meals and generally keep an eye on her. She's terrified about going into a care home so I want to make sure she can stay at home as long as possible.

DM doesn't know about the heart failure yet, along with the doctor we have decided not to worry her until we have the outcome of the scan. She lives on her own and I hate to think of her sitting there worrying. I'm doing enough of that but at least I've got DH.

Every now and then it keeps hitting me that I could lose my Mum in less than a year. She drives me mad, we argue a lot and she's bloody stubborn but she's my Mum and I love her.

How do I cope with this and still do the best for her?

Sorry for the long rambling post.

Justgivemesomepeace Tue 12-Sep-17 12:02:52

I'm no expert but can tell you about my dad. He was diagnosed with 'heart failure' at about the age of 61 ish. He'd previously had a heart attack and
bypass was much better then suddenly found himself short of breath easily and was tired etc. He was then diagnosed with heart failure. I remember a nurse seeing me looking terrified and said 'people live with heart failure ' and I clung to that. He's 77 now. He takes his pills, goes for his check ups, watches his diet and keeps active. There have been wobbles and he also has a pacemaker now. He's just helped me decorate my lounge and is going to Australia next year. He knows his limits and plods on. I think the words heart failure make it sound like it's going to konk out any time and are terrifying to a non medical person. Its a worrying time and i know how you feel. Fingers crossed for your mum and that her scan puts her in category 1 like my dad.

PinkSparklyPussyCat Tue 12-Sep-17 12:07:43

Thank you. I'm so glad your Dad is doing so well - I hope he has a good time in Australia!

I'm sort of regretting googling as Mum has nearly every symptom going but I wanted to know what we're dealing with. I feel awful keeping it from her but I know it will make her depression and anxiety worse if she knows.

Primrose06 Sun 17-Sep-17 22:19:05

Hi Pink this can be scary.
I hope that I can give you some comfort and hope.
When DS was 17 he was unexpectedly diagnosed with a supposedly rare heart condition and we were told nothing but bad news and there would be no hope for him .
I scared myself ill on the internet.
The following year his sister and dh both were diagnosed and with other conditions as well. About 12 years later both adult kids are healthy and leading perfectly normal lives, with one travelling quite a lot . They both have always worked . Yes they are on medication and take care of themselves. One had a surgery for a condition and it helped no end.
As for dh well a few months back was diagnosed with heart failure. The Drs were great and had him on medication when in hospital. He had a procedure to help his heart failure and with the medication feels better than he has in at least a year. He late 50s and still works as try getting benefits when self employed.
Once diagnosed and given the right treatments things can improve so much.
The heart is on medical field where there has been so much progress.
The only downs we have noticed are, tiring more easily, prone to infections and harder to recover from them . But this lot lead normal lives albeit we may well be on first name terms at the chemist .
Sorry if I have went on a bit but hope this helps . I know only to well what it is like to be told something like this and how frightening.
Good wishes flowers

PinkSparklyPussyCat Wed 20-Sep-17 10:20:29

Thank you Primrose.

Unfortunately DM has taken a turn for the worse and I called an ambulance on Sunday. She was taken in and it turns out that, as well as the heart failure, she also has kidney failure. She has a catheter but isn't producing any urine at all and it's not looking good.

I was called to the hospital yesterday to speak to the doctor and I have agreed to a DNR. I have also refused more intensive or invasive treatment as the best case scenario is she will be how she was just before she went into hospital which was awful and I know she wouldn't want to end up like that. I feel awful for making the decision

HastingsLikeTheBattle Sat 23-Sep-17 21:34:33

flowers Pink

PinkSparklyPussyCat Sun 24-Sep-17 21:43:04

I can't believe I'm writing this but DM died on Friday morning. I'm trying to hold it together but I really don't know how I'm going to get through the funeral.

She was stubborn, we argued and she drove me mad but she was my Mum and I would have done anything for her. I loved her.

PeaceAndLove1 Sun 24-Sep-17 22:04:23

Sorry for your loss.

HastingsLikeTheBattle Tue 26-Sep-17 12:09:57

Sorry for your loss Pink, sending love and strength flowers

Fairylea Thu 30-Nov-17 21:24:11

So sorry for your loss flowers

It’s clear how much you loved your mum. flowers

Dozer Tue 12-Dec-17 20:03:37

Very sorry Pink flowers

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