Mum dying and I'm half a world away.

[NurseMama]

So my lovely mother was diagnosed with advanced metastatic vulvar cancer in 2015. She's been going through radiation and chemo ever since, but the cancer has continued to spread. She's trying one last chemo formula now but it's unlikely to make a difference.

The thing is, she's in the US and I live in the UK (moved here in 2008 when I met my husband). I'm also 25 weeks pregnant and am very much settled here with my DH and 5 yr old DS.

We've made the decision to move to the US for the remainder of her life but the stress is really getting to me. I've already been off work sick for 6 weeks for pelvic problems, so a long-haul flight isn't the safest thing in the world. Also, having to navigate the American health insurance nightmare and find an obstetrician who will take me on so far into my pregnancy is a big unknown. We have to get my son into a school and apply for DH's Green Card before he can look for work.

There's also the looming need for me to return to the UK for three months after maternity leave to work so I don't have to pay my mat leave pay back to the government, and if my mum deteriorates during that time, we'll really be stuck. And it's not just her that we need to support and enjoy precious time with, but also my 89 year old grandmother who has dementia. My poor mum has been caring for her while dealing with radiation and chemo all alone.

I'm sorry for the rant. I'm just on my last leg and feel overwhelmed.

[Lioninthemeadow]

That sounds very tough nursemama
It's only natural to feel totally overwhelmed, especially with being pregnant too - I can't imagine.

I'm also moving countries soon with DH and our two kids because my MIL has terminal cancer. I'm finding it extremely stressful but trying to take it one little thing at a time - it seems to make it easier rather than looking at the big picture which is all too overwhelming at the mo!

[NurseMama]

I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL, Lion. I hope things go as smoothly as possible for you guys. :(

[Member652554]

I am sorry to hear your sad news op. Could your mother & gran come to stay with you in the uk ? If there is room in your house of course or they could rent someowhere near you. Sorry if that is a silly idea. I am just trying to think outside of the box for you. Especially as you don't sound keen on moving to the US. If you are going to be caring for your mother & gran your husband would need to work so it would make sense he keeps his job in the uk and I take it you already have child care systems in Place for your eldest . Good luck

[NurseMama]

Thanks for your sympathy. Unfortunately we don't have the capacity to bring my mum and grandmother here. Even if we did, my mum wants to die in the US and my grandmother cannot fly. DH and DS will be traveling with me since I cannot support my mum and gran, have the baby myself, and then be looking after all three alone.