Dad been diagnosed with new cancer

[Worried2017]

Namechanged for privacy. We have had an awful 9 months with my dad diagnosed with a bowel cancer last year which he had surgery for. He had considerable post operative complications with 4 weeks on critical care and a 3 month total hospital stay. My mom has been diagnosed with depression since his discharge from hospital as a result of the expectation on her, at the age of 75, to become my dad's nurse. Their lives had just started to become more 'normal' and now he has been diagnosed with a head and neck cancer.

We have seen the surgeon today who appeared quite doubtful about surgery given my dad's previous medical history as he would be in theatre for 15 hours. I'm a nurse working in end of life care so know the score but I'm finding it so difficult to digest what we've been told and just feel that life has been so unfair to him. I know too much about head and neck cancers and the devastating effect this has on the individual, and alongside this I'm also trying to look after 2 small children and continue working.

[Babyroobs]

Sorry to read what you and your dad are going through. Has the surgeon left it up to your dad to decide whether to have surgery or is he declining to perform the surgery? Does he have a head and neck Nurse specialist who you could talk things through with ?

[Worried2017]

His case is being presented at MDT on Monday morning and he'll be seen again on Monday afternoon. He needs other scans and a discussion with the anaesthetists before they make a final decision. My dad has told me today that he had doubts about tolerating lengthy surgery. There is a CNS but I know that there isn't much to say until they have had the MDT etc.