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I don't even know what to say

(5 Posts)
GattoColorCioccolatto Thu 20-Apr-17 01:14:21

DF died from oesophageal cancer last month. DMIL collapsed on Easter Sunday and was taken to hospital. She's out now but they don't know what's wrong, need to do more tests. Monday was anniversary of DM's death from breast cancer. Now today DFIL has been told he has stomach cancer. Scans soon to see if it has spread.

DH has been brilliant at supporting me the last few years. Now it just seems like we are plunging straight down the same road with his mum and dad as with mine.

DH is so worried for his parents, and so worried about the effect this might have on me, given I'm just starting to get my head above water again. I told him not to worry about me- he could care about me, but he didn't need to worry about me anymore.

0nTheEdge Thu 20-Apr-17 21:47:06

I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a crap time. All you can do is just be there for each other. Keep communicating, support each other and bear in mind people deal with things differently sometimes.
I hope MIL's results are less worrying and that FIL's scans come back ok.

PaintingByNumbers Thu 20-Apr-17 21:50:55

thats so shit and unfair. lean on each other for support, share your feelings, keep going one day after another xx

Sittinginthesun Thu 20-Apr-17 21:56:39


It's quite simply crap. I lost my Dad to cancer 8 years ago. My FIL currently has terminal oesophagus cancer. It's almost worse knowing the journey that we're on.

I think you have to keep telling your DH that he can lean on you. Then you lean on us!

GattoColorCioccolatto Fri 21-Apr-17 10:38:27

Thank you. Scans today, fingers crossed. We're all like cats on hot bricks really.

DH coping well, we spoke last night and he said he's just decided to wait til the scan results come before he lets himself connect with it properly. From what I've read, that's sensible- there's a good fighting chance if it's just in the stomach, whereas it is unlikely they will even operate if it has spread. So the scans will really be key.

He is a lot more cuddly than usual though and he's very affectionate anyway. Physical affection is what he really needs when he is stressed.

I did a big batch cook yesterday and sent it round to PILs today so they don't have to worry about cooking/shopping when they get back from hospital or over the weekend.

MIL is ok, home but tired. They still don't know what it is. I think the stress of what is happening with FIL isn't helping. They've been married nearly 50 years, since they were in their early twenties and they are inseparable. They are one of those older couples you see who go about everywhere together holding hands.

FIL collapsed about 18 months ago and they've never been able to get to the root of it. They thought it was a heart problem and did lots of tests for that, but they all came back inconclusive. He has been a shadow of himself for that time, a lot frailer and more drawn into himself.

Anyway, fingers crossed.

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