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My wonderful Dad

(14 Posts)
Itsallabout Wed 29-Mar-17 18:07:23

My Dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer 3 years ago. Further testing showed he already had liver mets so was given a terminal prognosis and given a maximum of 6 months to live.

He showed no signs of being unwell so he went through lots of chemo, radiotherapy and a failed liver resection plus other surgery to put in a stoma.

He was so strong and courageous , he carried on as if nothing had happened.

Last week he was decorating and planning his garden. Today he is laid in a hospital bed unable to move because he is so so exhausted and is having morphine. He is gravely ill.
He wants to go home and has signed discharge papers but they are saying checks are needed and a care plan put into place which takes a fair amount of time to organise.

I don't think he will make it home and I won't get to say goodbye to him. I live on the other side of the world and I want to be there but can't.

I want it to be quick for Dad, he would struggle to be dependent on others and for his family to have to care for him. I want to remember him as the strong, dependable and loving Dad who gave him such fabulous childhood memories. He taught me so many silly skills that make me laugh now and ones that I have been passing onto my daughter.

He is amazing and it is so difficult not being with him. The sadness is overwhelming.

I just needed to get it all out, sorry.

WormwoodScrubbed Wed 29-Mar-17 18:20:29

Words don't mean much and it's hard to know what to say but I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad and having been in a very similar situation I know how awful it is. Wishing you all the best

Itsallabout Wed 29-Mar-17 18:23:45

Thank you for your kind words

WormwoodScrubbed Wed 29-Mar-17 18:33:06

No problem, I never know what to say in these dreadful situations tbh, but your pain is very evident and I just wanted to say at least something because I have been in the dark place where you are right now.
I totally get it that you want it to be quick for your Dad, it was for mine and I am relieved about that because my mother and sister suffered for many years and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I guess it's so much worse for you being so far away

Itsallabout Wed 29-Mar-17 18:39:53

I never know quite what to say either when faced with some-one else's pain and grief.
Death happens to us all but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to deal with the finality of it.

I'm sorry you have lost so many of your close family members. It must be difficult for you.

I think being so far away is making it worse because I can't see, touch or feel Dad and having to rely on others to keep me up to date is hard. I know Dad is being cared fir by my Step mum and my brother so that brings me comfort.

Chasingsquirrels Sat 01-Apr-17 14:14:12

I'm so sorry to read this Itsallabout.
It must be so hard not being able to get home to see your dad, but I hope you have many wonderful memories of time spent with him over the years and will be able to look back on them in the future when the rawness and pain of the immediate situation begins to lessen.


Itsallabout Sat 08-Apr-17 07:42:54

Thank you Squirrels

My darling Dad has gone, he passed away in the early hours of the 1st April. Ot was very quick and very peaceful and he had no pain.

There is relief that he passed exactly the way he had planned and relief that he is no longer in pain but the grief is so overwhelming.

Chasingsquirrels Sat 08-Apr-17 07:47:34

Itsallabout I'm very sorry to read this, but also relieved that he had a peaceful death.
Look after yourself.
Hugs x

sandgrown Sat 08-Apr-17 07:51:56

So sorry to hear this news. Your dad sounds a really lovely man . Look after yourself flowers

SelenaValentina Sun 09-Apr-17 14:22:07

I'm so sorry Itsallabout. Hopefully it will be comforting for you to know that the end was peaceful and painfree for him. I can only hope it will be the same for my darling DH.

Look after yourself now flowers

Itsallabout Tue 11-Apr-17 07:05:25

Thank you for all your kind words

Would it help to talk about your Darling husband SelenaV ?

SelenaValentina Tue 11-Apr-17 09:38:12

I've written on the I'm not OK thread where the OP and I have a fairly similar story: my DH was diagnosed with Bladder Ca Stage IV, mets in lungs and 'overlooked' in pelvic bone. The latter causes more problems than anything due to agonising pain, although he had radiotherapy a couple of weeks ago. Ironically, RT makes the pain worse for a month!

But he's still here, pain being almost managed by Amitriptyline, Tramadol and paracetamol. Every day is a major bonus.

Thank you for asking flowers

fatowl Mon 24-Apr-17 15:16:11

My dad died a month before yours and I also live on the other side of the world, so I am with you totally.
He also had bowel cancer and was doing well for a long time and went suddenly downhill (he was ok until mid Feb)
There is nothing I can say to make it ok.
I'm so sorry

MrsMozart Tue 25-Apr-17 21:24:41

So sorry hunny. No useful words, just sending hugs.

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