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How do you stop focusing on the end and the negatives to come?

(4 Posts)
MurielsBottom Tue 28-Feb-17 21:29:42

I am sorry if this is the wrong place for this question. Dh has a life limiting illness which over the last five years has become more obvious. Today we went for a GP appt and really the only thing we came away thinking was things are not going to get better. There is a very real chance that everything may trundle along pretty much the same for a good long time but we don't know and I can't seem to focus on that. All I can think selfishly think about is being widowed and living without DH.

Even if things remain the same we are still faced with impact of the physical disability and how this has changed what we can do as a family. I do really miss the stuff we used to do and although I am happy to care for dh and do stuff with the dcs it isn't the same. I am struggling to stay positive which seems silly when we could easily have years or decades together. It wasn't the future we planned at all but at least we could be together.

I don't know what to think, I keep telling myself to focus on the here and now and think too far ahead.

frazzled3ds Tue 07-Mar-17 18:45:57

Hi Muriels, I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It is difficult to 'carry on' when there's such a cloud hanging over things. I don't know whether this would help at all, but would looking into Advanced Care Planning help? It would give you and your DH a chance to sit down and think about what may happen in the future, and outline how you may wish to approach that when the time comes, and then give you some peace of mind that it's all been considered giving you a chance to enjoy the here and now with him and your family.

This leaflet may give you some info - I've just looked it up ready to give to my parents following confirmation today of a terminal diagnosis for my Dad.

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Endoflifecare/Documents/Planning_your_future_care%5B1%5D.pdf

MurielsBottom Wed 08-Mar-17 07:14:17

Thank you frazzled - I will look at that tonight.

Chasingsquirrels Wed 08-Mar-17 21:36:42

I've no idea.
BUT can I say (with my DH nearing the end of his life following his cancer diagnosis just under a year ago - and now unable to do much at all, just existing seems to be a struggle) please try to make the most of the time that you do have, however long that may be.
I honestly haven't typed that to minimise in any way what you are going through, I just truly wouldn't want anyone to get to the stage we're now at and regret not having done things when they could.
I saw a phycologist for a few sessions last year, I don't actually think it helped - more that over the time I was seeing him I started to come to terms with things via the passage of time. But if you think some sort of external assistance might help then source it.
I wish you both all the very best.
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