Even writing the title seems so surreal, she's been told she has amongst other issues ovarian cancer but has not been told how long she might have. She could have surgery but due to her other issues they aren't certain she would survive the major operation they have proposed or what exactly they will find should she be strong enough for surgery.
She's lost so much weight in the 5 weeks she was taken into hospital she looks frail and pale. She sleeps a lot has little appetite and no longer likes water which she has always loved to drink. She has had a few sips of ginger ale but that's it. She has a morphine patch and oramorph the dr says this is all 'normal' given her illness.
I don't know how long I have her, I don't know what to expect. The dr asked if she would like a McMillan nurse to see her but she said not yet.
I'm terrified of her being in pain or dying alone in a horrible way. Is there anywhere I can get any sort of information to help prepare myself? Thank you.
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Life-limiting illness
I think my mum is dying
LazySusan11 · 10/01/2017 17:30
I am so sorry 
. reading the Macmillan website would help a lot.
The most important thing is to be with her as much as you can.
You can keep her mouth moist at least with little sponges on sticks dipped in water.
LazySusan, I don't know what to say except I know. My mother has just been given a few months (if we're lucky) to live. She has secondary brain and lymph-node cancer.
We've known for about three weeks and I still can't really process it, because to speak to, she still seems the same as ever. It runs up and hits me at odd times, but the rest of the time I feel totally numb, as if I'm watching this play out to someone else.
Anyway, don't want to hijack your thread, but for you.
Thank you That, I can relate to the speaking to her, mum has moments of confusion and has begun to repeat herself a lot but she also has moments when she's my mum, just my lovely lovely mum that I adore. I am so sorry for your news, I will keep you in my thoughts
I'm so sorry to hear your news. My friend recently went through this with her mum & found the McMillan nurses invaluable. Take all the love, support & care that you both need & be gentle with yourself.
I don't have any advice to add but just wanted to say I am so very sorry Susan, and Octopus and anyone else going through this. It's a coal face we all come to and I have no idea what you do other than just get through it minute by minute. My heart goes out to you all so much
Maggies Centres are good at emotional support for families. Usually near cancer treatment centres. So sorry OP Know the surreal 'normailty' and pre-grief hitting like a truck.
I've been up half the night worrying at what seems to be a sudden deterioration and where that will go at what pace. It's terrifying, exhausting, the hardest thing i've ever done. Fucking bastard cancer. I can't imagine my life without my mum. It feels so bleak to contemplate. I don't know how to manage or cope. I don't want to think about it.
I'm so sorry to hear your news. I don't really have any advice to offer, but wanted to send you
My mum died fairly young, before I had DCs, and I missed having her to ask about things that only occurred to me after having my own DCs. Try to take some photos of her now, although they will be tinged with sadness at least you will have some to look back on (I have very few of my mum, we never had cameras when I was younger so very few pics of any of us).
Hugs to you x
((((Susan))))
It is normal.
Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say, other than just looking after yourself as best you can during this horrendous time, no expectations for yourself other than just taking each day/hour as it comes.
Hello LazySusan
I am so sorry you are going through this
This website here may be of help. It is written from a Roman Catholic perspective (hence the title, which you may find off-putting) and may not be what you are after at all. Just suggesting it because it is written by a very experienced consultant in palliative care, Dr Kathryn Mannix from Newcastle upon Tyne. The website may not provide enough practical information for you but just posting here because it contains some useful information about broaching the subject of dying and on looking after yourself. And allowing the patient the time and space to express their needs etc which, as I know from experience, can be a difficult thing to get right in this situation.
I second what pp have said about it being totally normal to feel panic and confusion at this stage. First, it is terrifying to lose someone you love so much and for it to be outside of our control, however much we try to help. Secondly, we are exposed to death so rarely in modern society, it is just not something we know enough about, so the prospect and the uncertainty is very frightening. What others have said about looking after yourself, and taking things day by day and step by step is good advice.
Thinking of you x
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