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Writing a letter to terminal DF

(12 Posts)
PurveyorOfMeats Fri 06-Jan-17 23:51:13

My DF has cancer, given 12 months last June. He's really not well now. My family is totally hopeless at talking to each other but I feel like I need to tell him how special he is, how much I love him, how grateful I am for everything he's done for me. I couldn't say it to him without collapsing in tears. Is it ridiculous for me to write him a letter? Do I assume he knows all that instinctively? I think I will regret it if I let him go without saying them, but it feels a bit like a premature goodbye.

Motherfuckers Fri 06-Jan-17 23:57:36

Send it and send it now. Yes he knows but how lovely for him to be told just how special he is and always will be. Maybe talk about funny family memories, that made my dad smile in his final weeks, I think he was happy to know those moments meant so much to me. Sorry for what you are going through.

SallyInSweden Fri 06-Jan-17 23:58:54

What would it matter if you did cry?

FinnegansCake Sat 07-Jan-17 00:04:13

Do it. For you both. If you don't, you will always regret it.
And perhaps your DF needs to hear how much you love him so that maybe he too can say how he feels .

PurveyorOfMeats Sat 07-Jan-17 00:04:24

Thanks both. It obviously doesn't matter if I do cry, but I know that would make him more sad and as a dysfunctional family we're more the cry-in-private types. I'm more likely to be able to get out all I need to say on paper I suppose.

Scrumptiousbears Sat 07-Jan-17 00:09:47

I'm sorry you are going through this.

My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 4 hours from diagnosis. We actually got 48 hours. By the time I told him I loved him I'm not sure he understood. Do it. You won't regret it.

ToeTouching Sat 07-Jan-17 00:16:22

Please do it.

My DMIL died on Thursday - 7 months after diagnosis and 6 weeks after being told no more could be done.

The end came quite quickly but over the past few weeks we all said what was needed whilst she was able to converse with us. Right up to the end she knew she was loved very much and we all knew she loved us.

Nothing was left unsaid and there are no regrets. That's as it should be.

PurveyorOfMeats Sat 07-Jan-17 00:27:52

flowers for all the pain people have gone through. This is really shit.

Chitterlings Sat 07-Jan-17 07:50:28

I'm very sorry about your DF. Please do write to him

This website may be of some use to you. It is still in its infancy, and was set up by a man who had cancer and his friend who wrote to him. There are quite a few tips which might help you with ideas to start you off.

hotchocforme Mon 23-Jan-17 16:26:52

I would also write down memories and maybe find some old photos.
Hope that you are ok.

TheTantrumCometh Mon 23-Jan-17 16:33:43

Do it. I told my DF all my fond memories of our time together while he was dying, but he was too far gone. He never woke up.

We're dysfunctional in the same regard as you it sounds like. I wish I had written a letter. So sorry you're all going through such a tough time

sherbetpips Mon 23-Jan-17 18:18:54

My DF died in April of cancer. I thought there would be time to speak to him but he was so emotional that it was very difficult to talk to him without him crying. In his last few months he pretty much lost his mind due to infections so any conversations I wanted to have where too late. Say it now in whichever way works best but like my dad he knows how loved he is x

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