Dad with lung cancer now a chest infection

[Flippinlife72]

My dad was diagnosed a year ago with stage 4 lung cancer , he/we have been through a lot this year with his illness, it definitely seems to of spread and he's getting weaker! He now has gone into hospital with a chest infection having IV antibiotics to try and get rid of this. My mum died of lung cancer 16 years ago, she developed a chest infection which was eventually described as pneumonia. I'm wondering if it is the same for dad really no one has said it's pneumonia but it's highly likely isn't it. You know he's been through so much this last year and he's suffered so much at 83 I almost hope he will just go to sleep and not suffer anymore is if strange to feel like that. I don't want my dad to die ever but it's inevitable he's going to I just had enough of watching him suffer . Is it normal to feel like this?

[Footle]

Absolutely normal. You love him , You know he won't get better, and you don't want him to suffer any more. Nothing odd about that.

[SummerSazz]

DF has COPD and now has pneumonia. He has a DNR and isn't eating but oddly his body is still limping on. I'm sleeping in his room at hospital now as the family nightwatch - he could go any time. He's 80 and it would be a relief. Thinking of you Flippin and a big unmumsnetty hug x

[Flippinlife72]

Oh gosh how do u know when they are going to go? U do get some warning don't u? X

[SummerSazz]

I'm really not sure tbh. His C02 toxicity levels were dangerous and worsening yesterday which we (and he) were would be it as he (informed choice) refused a full on breathing mask. Somehow he rallied and is hanging on which is odd as he says he's had enough so though he'd let go. His heart is very weak now so that could just pack in with no warning. We've always been told he will go through a heart attack or chest infection.
For this time he has been given 48hrs to let the ab's work on the infection but during this time he is still critically ill and could just slip away. Hope you're doing ok.

[Flippinlife72]

Oh I'm so sorry summer that all sounds horrendous for u all, it's so awful watching them suffer , sending. If hugs to u x

[Footle]

Flippin, you are in that 'warning' zone now. Talk to the nurses and ask them these questions : they are the ones who know how it's likely to go for your Dad.

[Flippinlife72]

Well he rang up this morning panicking about not having shaving stuff , so he can't be that bad yet 😂 But things can change so quickly with terminal cancer!

[Footle]

That's encouraging !

[Flippinlife72]

I'm finding it so hard to watch, he seems to getting over the chest infection but his Bowles have stopped working now so he can't eat or drink until the bowel specialist sorts it out and is on a drip! He is also attached to chest drain cos of the fluid build up in his lung. He has thrush, on oxygen and morphine and is a bag of bones. Oh and because his bowels are blocked his body is unable to absorb anything his medication isn't working.

I live 4 hours away from my dad and have just up there for 6 days but I've had to come home sort out my dc and then there's work and I have my own hospital appts, I feel so guilty leaving him like that and people always have an opinion on what we should do . I will go back up very soon but I feel so guilty and can't sleep thinking about. One particular friend as really upset me saying I should just leave the kids and be with my dying father. It's hard to do all this though plus I'm not with their father , my dp is great but he has his own 2 living with us half the week as well so 4 kids is very hard for him with a full time job, after school clubs etc. But my friend has made me feel even more guilty , I just don't know what to do 😔

[Footle]

You're doing all you can do, and many others have been in the same situation. Don't ask that friend what you should do ! Right now spend your time at home sorting things out and reconnecting with DP and kids. Work and your own health can't be neglected. But you'll still be on alert to go back to your Dad as things progress. Have staff talked straightforwardly about what to expect ?
Guilt isn't helpful. You can't keep him alive , but you will carry on being the person he helped make.

[Footle]

How are things, Flippin ?

[Flippinlife72]

Ah hi footie, I'm ok, my dad is feeling a little better, I don't feel as stressed, things have calmed down a bit but I know it won't be for long. But sometimes a break from the situation helps and by the end of the week I'll be able to deal with it all again.

[Footle]

Hope you can enjoy your break, in parts anyway. Thinking of you.