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Grandparent with terminal illness

(6 Posts)
Bouncearound Mon 11-Apr-16 20:51:07

Would appreciate any advice... We've recently found out that Gil has terminal cancer and prognosis is very poor. He is currently in hospital managing pain and we don't know if he will be coming home or not.

We have three dc aged 2,8 and 12 and have no idea what to tell them or how to do it. They know he's very ill and that he might not get better but we live far away and they haven't seen his recent decline. When we have tried to raise the subject they clam up and say they don't want to talk about it. They are very close to him despite the distance sad

If anyone has any advice on how to support them and dh through this I would be so grateful. Dh and I both want to go and see him but it's an 8 hour drive so would either have to find a friend to look after the dc or bring them with us and we just don't know what is for the best. My gut instinct is for them not to see him the way he is just now...
I know I sound very matter of fact and unemotional but I'm trying so hard to keep on top of emotions!

Bouncearound Tue 12-Apr-16 07:11:21

Shameless bump!

Emptynestx2 Tue 12-Apr-16 08:01:51

What if you all travel, would there be someone there who the children could stay with whilst you visit the grandparent and then you could talk to them afterwards and see if they would like to visit. When my mum was very sick I kept the children away - my youngest was 12 at the time and I thought it was too much for him but my DH talked to them he brought them. It's several years later now and they are both very pleased they were able to say goodbye as said they would have struggled to believe it otherwise.

Bouncearound Tue 12-Apr-16 09:13:02

There is nobody close by unfortunately. My parents are about another two hours away but could possibly come for the day. Our schools are also funny about taking time off and I might need to save my energy to get them out of school for the funeral. Dh could go on his own but I'd like to see fil too (been with dh for 18 years so he is very much part of my life) and want to support dh too. I just need to clone myself!
Thanks for the reply.

Emptynestx2 Tue 12-Apr-16 15:00:51

Sadly there is no easy answer and every family is different. If it was my father I would want to do everything I could to see him before he passed away so your DH may have to go alone unless you can wait until the weekend and travel as a family and take turns to visit FIL? It's a horrible situation? I'll be thinking of you.

Bouncearound Tue 12-Apr-16 15:21:58

Thanks, I appreciate it.
We hope that we have at least a few weeks to plan everything but obviously sooner rather than later is best. If it comes to it then dh will go on his own but we can't work out wither or not we bring the dc- ils have left that decision to us.
Our ds (8) is so sensitive and just got through a roigh patch with ocd and Tourette's manifesting itself in a range of ways but he can't process emotions very well and I'm so worried about how he is/isn't dealing with it. We've told the school but just waiting until he comes to us with questions sad

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