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Having a little weep

(24 Posts)
Katymac Mon 25-Jan-16 15:05:21

My Dad is terminally ill

Every so often I burst into tears - not heavy sobs just a little weep

But yesterday I went to DD's college's show (she wasn't really in it - working back stage) & practically every song or piece of music had be crying - absolutely sobbing!!

The poor people next to me - I am so influenced by music & song - I was a wreak!!

GreenFlowerPurpleLeaves Mon 25-Jan-16 19:47:39

Katymac, I'm so sorry to hear that your dad is terminally ill and that you are going through this. It must be very hard.

I think bursting into tears is totally natural at this time, and music can certainly reach deep into the soul.

Sorry for not bringing anything particularly constructive to your message, I just didn't want you to go unanswered and wanted to hold your hand flowers

Katymac Mon 25-Jan-16 19:54:57

Aww thanks GreenFlowerPurpleLeaves - I think it was quite a self-indulgent post & I'm feeling a bit more the thing now

Thanks for being so kind

Luckything50 Mon 25-Jan-16 20:10:18

Im sorry you don't seem to be getting much help with this, hopefully by now you've had a wine and are feeling more yourself. FWIW I can burst into tears at anything even slightly nostalgic or sentimental (hormones?) and don't think it's particularly unusual, so if you see sympathetic glances coming your way it's probably a sympathiser who's unsure what to say.
I hope things get a little easier for you both.

Katymac Mon 25-Jan-16 21:09:57

Thanks Luckything - we're OK I think

daisydalrymple Mon 25-Jan-16 21:15:56

So sorry. I hope the times you have left together as a family manage to be warm and peaceful. I hope your dad isn't suffering with pain.

My dear dad has advanced Alzheimer's, and whilst he still knows us, there is very little cognition left. I get teary myself reading a post like yours, thinking of somebody saying goodbye to their dad. Bless you all x

Katymac Tue 26-Jan-16 08:54:54

Yes my Dad has lost his competence - the very thing that made him who he was

It's easier in the mornings and as the day goes on it gets harder

Alzheimer's is horrid - both of his parents went that way - hugs

LavenderRain Tue 26-Jan-16 16:19:14

thanks for you, I hope you are feeling better today.

Music is such an emotional thing. I went to a tribute band thing at the theatre last week and became really tearful listening to the songs.
I too was thinking about my dear dad, he's waiting for a big op and he's so dreading it, having already been through cancer treatment 2 years ago.

My heart goes out to you xx

Katymac Tue 26-Jan-16 19:19:27

I keep having to change radio stations as so many songs remind me of him

Today was a day of trying to fix things & of being exhausted (just a cold - but I have pre-existing stuff that makes just a cold seem much worse)

I'm waiting to find a telly I can buy for them cheap as my Dad's has just died - my mum doesn't want to spend too much as it won't be needed soon

My Dad keeps sleeping - I'm hoping this means it will be soon

Good luck to your dad

starpirate Tue 26-Jan-16 19:22:38

hi Katymac, i recognise your username from what seems eons ago, I am so sorry your dad is ill, and that you are facing this.

daisydalrymple Tue 26-Jan-16 19:59:18

Sending strength and hope this evening, if only it could work that way. Thinking of you all x

Katymac Tue 26-Jan-16 20:27:25

Thanks guys

I may have put my foot in it with DD tho' she still didn't realise he might only have days/weeks rather than weeks/months

When he was first diagnosed he thought he would go down to a pub on the sea front & score some good drugs to sort himself out & of course now he is too ill to do that

Katymac Wed 27-Jan-16 17:33:02

I'd like to run away, just for a bit

LavenderRain Wed 27-Jan-16 18:01:00

Of course you would. thanks That's understandable. But if you're anything like me you will want to be with your dad. Luckily mine lives 3 minutes away and i hate it if I don't see him every day.
Have you any siblings to share the load?

Katymac Wed 27-Jan-16 20:10:56

Yes 2 miles away - but I childmind so it's difficult to get away

My Brother lives in Sweden, DD in Essex & DH can be obstructive

I feel pulled in many directions - I made a timetable 'if anything happens' so the children have cover & I built in some time off for the next few weeks, but people keep wanting extra & it's daft to say no now - if anything happens I will but not 'just in case'

LavenderRain Wed 27-Jan-16 20:24:04

Hmm, it's difficult. My friend is a childminder and her mum died in the summer. She had Alzheimer's but wasn't expected to pass so soon,
The parents of her mindees were fantastic, she had 2 weeks off in the end,the parents just seemed to magically find alternative care,
It's surprising how much people help out when the chips are down.
What do you mean by DH being 'obstructive'?

Katymac Wed 27-Jan-16 20:43:12

When I get stressed he gets stressed which makes it harder for me to cope

I know it's not intentional - he just can't bare to see me upset - it's just crap to deal with 'discussing how much petrol is in the car' or 'why there is no milk/too many chocolate bars' when it real doesn't matter

I'll take time off as I have helpers bit DH will have to do the early morning (so 30 mins 4 days a week) & when I asked him he said 'I suppose' rather than the 'Of course darling is there anything else I can do' that I'd prefer

I have health problems & normally rest between 12 & 2 but now I spend that round at my mum's (see dad has gone already!) fixing the TV/Computer (because he can't) organising carers, sitting with him while she goes out & I'm knackered

Whinge, whinge, whinge


LavenderRain Wed 27-Jan-16 21:09:53

Your post brings tears to my eyes actually,

My DH is desperate to organise a holiday for a big anniversary this year, I said I couldn't commit to a date until I knew when dad was having his op (open heart surgery) and he got all sulky and is now saying I've dismissed the holiday, we can't win can we? confused

Katymac Wed 27-Jan-16 21:32:17

It's not exactly being unsupportive - just obstructive

You have it too - a holiday is lovely, just not until your dad is OK

LavenderRain Wed 27-Jan-16 21:37:41

Yes, obstructive is a good word!

Sleep well and I hope tomorrow brings you a peaceful day thanks

Katymac Wed 27-Jan-16 21:52:48

You too

send him some ideas of where you want to go - once things are sorted

Katymac Sun 31-Jan-16 12:01:48

Totally self-indulgent post (like most of mine at the moment)

Terry Wogan dying has pushed me over the edge - despite being older than Pops they were very much contemporaries

& I can't hold it together now

CharleyDavidson Sun 31-Jan-16 20:10:21

I completely understand your pain, Katy.
This was me in Oct and for much of last year. Dad was dying. Treatments for his cancer weren't working. He was getting worse. In the end (which came quite quickly) he was in a bad state and it has left me with horrible memories I just can't shake.

You grieve before you lose them. Then, when they have gone, you grieve some more. I'm glad you say that you are trying to make some time for yourself, that's important.

It's so much harder to deal with than I ever thought it would be. I'm jealous when other people mention the ages of their Dads, mine passed at 69. And reading of other people, Dad's age (Bowie) or older, just brings it back.

I'm sending caring thoughts your way, Katy. xx

Katymac Sun 31-Jan-16 20:18:48

Pops will be 72 at the end of February, maybe

Thank you

I do wonder if I will mourn twice

Sorry for your loss

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