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Not long now. .

(137 Posts)
Ludoole Tue 01-Dec-15 11:28:04

Had paramedics out to dh this morning as he fell and i couldnt get him up safely. Hes now completely bedbound and slurring his words. I think he will be gone within the next week... im completely devastated as it is now sinking in that hes actually going to leave me. My head understood the terminal diagnosis but my heart never truly believed it.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Tue 01-Dec-15 11:35:34

I'm so sorry Ludoole. I don't think anything I could say would help you, but I hear you and I'm so sorry for you and dh.
Please keep talking and saying everything you need to online that you can't in RL.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Tue 01-Dec-15 11:36:08

Oh you poor love - so sorry to hear that. Even if you know it's coming sometime, it's still a horrible shock when it actually happens. Make the most of the last days that you have together - tell him everything you need to, take the time you need, make sure you have enough memories.

Huge (((hugs))), thanks and wine for you - it's hard. xx

ImperialBlether Tue 01-Dec-15 11:38:25

I'm so sorry. Are you able to be off work to be with him? Do you have RL support?


BoreOfWhabylon Tue 01-Dec-15 11:40:57

Oh Ludoole, I am so very sorry flowers

f1fan2015 Tue 01-Dec-15 11:41:32

(((hugs))) and flowers

DancingDinosaur Tue 01-Dec-15 11:43:21

I'm sorry Ludoole, it is so hard. I lost my dh 4 months ago. Just remember to say everything you want to say to dh, even if you think its not heard. Explain to him whats happening as he may not always know, but just say all things about him and you that you want him to know. On a practical level, is he staying at home? Do you have anyone with you to support you? Friend, relative or someone from mcmillian? End of life is a hard thing to go through, esp on your own. Its important to have somesome to be there for you.

DancingDinosaur Tue 01-Dec-15 11:43:32


puddingisgood Tue 01-Dec-15 12:20:06

I've been thinking about you Ludoole. I've not been in this situation and can't possible imagine what you are going through. But I'm sending you love and good vibes and hope that you can get through each minute, hour and day. Keep taking it slowly and be as kind to yourself as you can be. MN will be here for you. flowers

DoinMiFuckinHeadIn Tue 01-Dec-15 13:08:16

I've been thinking about you too. Big gentle hugs from me and lots of love to all of you.

I read his book and the love that he has for you just shone all the way through it.


Ludoole Tue 01-Dec-15 13:18:20

To answer some questions, ive given up work as he wants to stay at home til the end.
Phoned hospice at home as we need a complete reassessment. Last assessment he was as well as could be expected and the change has been rapid. Hospice said to call the district nursing team hmm so i did and they are coming out tomorrow.... despite my ranting that he is completely bedbound and needs reassessing today

Fortunately dh is comfortable and resting now and i have managed to get hold of a urine bottle.
Have lost all faith in hospice at home team and the district nurses.
Im hoping and praying that as he is so weak already that he just doesn't wake up when the time comes because i have no confidence that the nursing teams will arrive in time to alleviate any pain when it gets uncontrollable by us.
For now though we are ok smile

Ludoole Tue 01-Dec-15 13:20:00

DoinMi Read his book? Do we know you in real life??

ImperialBlether Tue 01-Dec-15 13:23:44

Lu, wasn't it your husband who wrote a book about finding out he had cancer? Sincere apologies if it wasn't.

summerwinterton Tue 01-Dec-15 13:24:40

so sorry for you - I hope you will be given the support you need for both of you.

MrsJackAubrey Tue 01-Dec-15 13:27:21

I'm very very sorry to hear that Ludoole, and am thinking of you and your DH, and wishing you both peace, and a better team of home nurses. With very good wishes,

Ludoole Tue 01-Dec-15 13:28:48

He wrote a book about our life and the journey we have been on together but it is just for me and would certainly never be published grin

ImperialBlether Tue 01-Dec-15 13:33:57

I'm so sorry. There's another MNetter called Lu - she's Lu9months (just checked) - her husband is Adam Blain and he wrote a book about being diagnosed with terminal cancer.

How lovely that your husband wrote a book about your life together. Did you find you had different views of what happened?!

DoinMiFuckinHeadIn Tue 01-Dec-15 17:16:29

No, we don't know each other, but I think we're only about two tube stops apart geographically.

I bought the book on Kindle when you posted about it some time ago.

DoinMiFuckinHeadIn Tue 01-Dec-15 17:17:17

And I've just seen Imperial's post and realised that I've got it completely wrong. I'm so so sorry for any confusion or upset I've caused.

Ludoole Tue 01-Dec-15 20:48:20

DoinMe No apology necessary smile. Im going to look for that book and download it though so thank you for that.

minmooch Tue 01-Dec-15 21:02:03

Ludoole as horrendous as this is it is an honour to be with a loved one to help them at the end. My 18 year old son died last year after losing his fight with cancer. I didn't leave him for a moment, told him over and over how much I loved him, did all I coukd for him to make it the best death possible. We surrounded him with love and laughter. I wanted him to hear love and laughter all around him to the very end. If nothing else he knew every fibre of him was loved. He had all those that loved him around him. I wouldn't have been anywhere else. It was what I could do for him.

I also sat with my mum until she too lost her fight with cancer. We did everything we could to let her know she was loved and not alone. I do believe she knew we were there.

I wish you love and strength as you face this terrible time.

nemno Tue 01-Dec-15 21:08:24

How awful that support has not swung swiftly into place. It sounds like you have done admirably to make your DH comfortable, well done you brew

So sorry you are in this position. It's not fair and I despair with you that life can do this. Take love and strength where you can and add in the very good wishes of strangers who have you in their thoughts xx

Ludoole Tue 01-Dec-15 22:32:24

Minmooch So so sorry to hear of your losses. I have sons aged 15 and 12 and i cannot even comprehend how difficult losing one of them would be....

timelytess Tue 01-Dec-15 22:34:25


OfficeGirl1969 Tue 01-Dec-15 22:48:07

Can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling're brave and strong and loving and I wish you both all the strength in that world for the coming days.

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