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Feeling very down

(3 Posts)
twittoo Thu 13-Aug-15 00:40:49

My lovely lovely fil has battled cancer for nearly 6 years, now in the last few weeks it has seemed to have beaten him and he is going downhill fast. Any advice for children aged 12 and 10 who have watched his slow decline and have got very emotional in these final few weeks.To top it all we are supposed to go on holiday in the next few days which seems highly unlikely at the moment. Obviously they will also be very upset about the holiday cancellation too. I feel like I am holding everyones emotions together, and am dreading the fallout and the picking up the pieces afterwards.

holeinmyheart Thu 13-Aug-15 06:47:59

Hi, so sorry that you feel so sad.
When Kate McCann took expert advice from an eminent Practioner regarding her two remaining children, as to what to say to them about Madelaine, he said ' tell the truth'
She paid a lot of money to get the best advice, so I guess it is good advice.
You should tell the truth to your children. Granddad is poorly. Grandad is dead ( when it happens) we loved Grandad and he loved us etc. Crying in front of your children is fine apparently.
Celebrate his life. He sounds lovely and he is lucky to have been loved by you and your Dcs.
Hugs

throckenholt Thu 13-Aug-15 07:41:19

Mine were a similar age when my mum died of cancer - she had been having treatment for a couple of years.

Honesty was the way I approached it with them. I told them what was happening, how it might pan out, talked about time scales. They went to visit when they wanted to, no pressure if they didn't want to (they often chose to visit).

Being upset in front of them helped them realise it was ok to be upset. And to realise that different things upset different people at different times, and that was ok too.

Shame about the holiday though sad We went to Scotland while my mum was very ill in hospital (she had been for months and I had been making a 4 hour round trip every weekend to visit her and I really needed the break) - I am glad we went, but it was a tough decision to go (she rallied and lived another 10 months). When she actually died, DH had taken the kids away for a week - I had decided to not go because I thought the end was too near. As it happened, she died the day they went, and I joined them for a few days later in the week (which really helped deal with those early days after she died).

It is tough - give yourself, and your husband some space.

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