Breast lump terror

[royalmama]

It all still feels so surreal. I found the lump, panicked, rang up the hospital and got an appointment for the next morning. No sleep that night and all
I could do until the appointment was keep myself busy to avoid more worrying. I had a mammogram and ultrasound and am now seeing an oncologist who is going to book me in for a core biopsy because the lump does not look normal.i am simply overwhelmed. I keep looking at my DC and feel tremendously anxious. I am not so worried about what I may have to go through, but what this will all mean to them. I know I should wait for the biopsy result, but I can not help worrying so much and feeling like I am suddenly a the edge of a very steep cliff.if you can offer me any advice, guidance, experience on what I have been flung into and what to expect, I would so appreciate it. I am still hoping this is all just a bad dream.

[Toooldtobearsed]

Royal been there, done that and got the T-Shirt.

You will feel much better once you have a diagnosis, it is the not knowing and the imagining the worst case scenario that is the worst thing for you at the moment. I can remember that feeling, but once I had my diagnosis and an explanation of what would happen next, it became much easier.

You must remember, you may not have BC, but I have to admit, it does seem likely. Consultants see lumps every day and I think they do know. I say that not to frighten you, but simply because everyone kept telling me it would probably turn out to be a cyst or something 'simple' so much, that it almost came as a shock when I got the diagnosis.

If you do have BC, you now need to understand that advances in research mean it is not the killer it once was. There are so many treatments now. I had chemo, radiotherapy and full mastectomy, but my friends have had a lumpectomy and chemo only.

If you are diagnosed, the regime of hospital visits, treatment plans etc., actually give you something to focus on. Strange, but true, it gets easier, because you have an end goal to aim for. With me, it was surgery, then chemo, then rads, then reconstruction and every time I had a treatment, I was one step closer to getting my life back.

It is not easy, but it is doable, and you will get through it.

I am sorry, I am a very practical person, not a huggy one, so emotionally, I am useless to you, but I am here, pm me if you like and I will do everything to support you on your journey.

Take care.

[royalmama]

TooOld, thanks for your response and please don't apologise for being honest. I am not looking for sympathy, it is what people who have been through this ordeal, people like yourself, whom I need to hear from. I am preparing myself for all the possibilities,but until I know what grade, how serious, etc I will not be able to focus. I hate this waiting and not knowing and my hunch is that it is malignant, but there is just so much information out there I feel like I am unable to think straight. I hate this! I am usually a very practical person myself, which is why I am worrying about my DC as I know if this is BS they will be affected. Can I ask you how things are for you now and how you feel now you have gone through all the treatment? Hope you are doing well.

[weebarra]

Have you seen the Tamoxigang thread on general health? It's for women who are doing the waiting thing like you, as well as those going through treatment. I found it a lifeline when I was first diagnosed.
I was diagnosed with cancer in both breasts in 2013, 8 weeks after the birth of my third child. I had chemo, a double mastectomy and radiotherapy. It wasn't a pleasant experience but I got through it and am writing this on the bus to work. Life is pretty much normal again. Good luck!

[JugglingLife]

Couldn't not post mama, I can (kind of) relate as we went through a cancer scare with our youngest child. The only advice I can give is to try not to let those thoughts creep in, the what ifs are horrid and you need to keep busy and calm if you can. As PP said, it's the waiting that is the agony. Wishing you all the best mama.

[Toooldtobearsed]

Royal It is the waiting that is the worst.

My story? I did not even have a lump, I thought I had mastitis. Went to docs, referred and saw Consultant the next day. He said 'oh yes, this one here is definitely a cyst, but this other one looks like a bugger!'.
Biopsy done and a week later I was being told it was cancer.
I had all my lymph nodes removed and almost all were affected, so was put on the 'throw everything at it' path.
Had a lumpectomy, but they did not get clear margins, so had mastectomy. Then chemo. I was on the Tac2 trial.
I then had radiotherapy, every day, Mon-Fri for 6 weeks. Recovered, then had other breast removed on advice of Consultant, but they did that while reconstructing the original breast, and so I went in with 1 breast and came out with 2 new ones!
Treatment. Well i found chemo okay. I lost my hair and was knackered for 2 or 3 days after treatment, but coped pretty well. I worked during chemo, had 2 or 3 days off? something like that.
Radiotherapy knackered me. It is not the most difficult of things, but I had a 50 mile round journey every day for 6 weeks, so that did not help. I actually gave up work near the end of my rads because of the type of work I was doing(involved a lot of European travel), I just could not have gone on.

Having said all that, I have known people who have just continued their normal lives with minimal disruption and others who have had a dreadful time. So it just depends on how it all takes you , I guess.

My cancer did spread. I needed an oopherectomy about a year after all other treatments ended, but no further treatment.

Seven years and counting for me

I think that I went through everything slightly in denial. I never believed it would kill me, I was just impatient to get everything over and done with, and get 'back to normal'

I found an excellent forum, not one of the big ones, but the support on there was phenomenal. I don't know what it is like now, but might be worth a look.
www.bcpals.org.uk/index.html

Keep asking, I will keep telling

[royalmama]

Thank you so much for responding all.
WeeBara, did not know where to post at first but will check out the thread you mentioned.
JuggingLife, thanks and yes it is so torturous at this stage.
TooOld, you are one fighter I have got to hand it to you! I am so glad you are doing fine and your kind of attitude is the secret weapon I am guessing!
I am scared stiff of the chemo( probably comes from movies!) and you struck the right chord when you mentioned life disruption, as I teach at uni and some of those bad thoughts in my head involve having to stop that.
I am struggling with the morbid thoughts, and think my sanity a this stage is very vital so need to keep busy.

[thegirlinthebed]

You are me 6 months ago

I know how scary it is - I imagined the worst - I was convinced I was going to die - and my children would have to live without me

the treatment is all over with now and life is totally back to normal - I've as good a life expectancy as anyone else now

It was absolutely terrifying waiting for each appointment - but now I hardly ever think about it -

[Toooldtobearsed]

Oh, thegirl what a brilliant story!

There you go Royal, positively wonderful

Have you got a date yet for the biopsy? Hope you are plodding on okay!

[JugglingLife]

Morning mama, try positive thoughts today, when those nasty ones sneak in shut the door on them. I refused to believe it would be anything other than a positive outcome, regardless of diagnosis. I'd also refuse to even discuss any other option with anybody. Do something nice for yourself today.