I've just written that subject title and I'm looking at it and can't believe it. Literally the bottom has fallen out of my world when less than 10 days ago I was teasing him that he had a ulcer and needed to eat healthily. One endoscopy and ct scan and consultants appointment and he has a diagnosis of stage 3 oesophageal cancer. He is only 39 and we have two young children.
He is still in shock and denial. I cannot stop crying and cannot believe the physical and emotional pain I am in. The kids have been a nightmare today but I think they are picking up the stress in us and that is unbearable. We see the oncologist on Tuesday for a plan for chemo, radio and surgery as apparently they are going to aggressively blast it. Trying to write a list of questions but just can't believe this is happening.Any words of support and help please.
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Life-limiting illness
Husband just diagnosed with cancer
Findingthissohard · 02/05/2015 22:16
The waiting for cancer treatment is the worst stage, in my opinion (I have had breast cancer treatment recently). Once you have a treatment plan in place then you may, like many of us, find it a little easier to deal with. It's still bloody awful to have the rug pulled out from under you, but at least you can feel like you are taking positive steps once some action against it happens.
Now is the time to hug, make memories with the kids to see you through some tricky times ahead, load the freezer with food, check if you have insurance policies which can help ease any financial worries (critical illness/payment protection), find out what help is available locally (eg support group, CAB advice etc) and anything else which is kind to yourself.
There is a thread in general health for cancer patients which may be helpful to you. It's called something like the tamoxigang.
Sending you 
and 
plus 
.
and big hugs to you and yours. I agree with saveme that things will get easier, mentally, for you once you have a treatment plan in place. When I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last year me and DH cried a lot but the tears tampered down once we knew my treatment plan; the plan focussed our attention and energy and then when I settled into chemo it became routine. We have managed to keep our anxieties away from our 6 yo DD though and though she knows I'm ill and in continual hospital care, she is thriving and happy. I save the tears and anxious discussions with DH after she's gone to bed.
Hugs the waiting is absolutely the worst part. DH seemed to do much better than me in the first week after diagnosis - he just reseached the whole thing calmly, I was a sobbing shocked mess. It's definitely far more manageable when you've got a treatment plan, then you know where you are. Keep posting, MN honestly saved my sanity and got me through it.
Wishing you and your DH all the very best at this most trying of times.
There used to be thread on the General Health topic dedicated to people whose OH had cancer. I don't know if it's still around, no doubt someone in the know will find it. The posters always seemed to be so open, stoic, funny and supportive of each other.
One month ago I was where you find yourself now. As others have pointed, you will feel better equipped to deal with everything once you have a treatment plan. I found it easier to just concentrate on whatever needed to be done immediately- dinner, shopping, school run and its ok to have a good cry when you feel like it.
Thank you so much everyone. Your advice and have been greatly appreciated. The weekend has passed in a blur. Mainly denial tbh. But tomorrow is the day and we have the list of questions. SIL is coming too as extra moral support.
I've got on the list of things to do about talking to school. It's the financial side that's freaking me out at night. He's on sleeping tablets so not a worry for him. But I'm shitting myself about our finances and serious lack of insurances. Idiots.
But def trying to focus on the moment and today. That has helped x
Don't let worries over finances rule you. You need to focus on tomorrow for now.
If you need to be doing something asap then phone your local CAB and also carers centre in the morning. Book an appointment with each. The CAB will put you on the right track to benefits you may get, tell you the current position on mortgages etc (with ours, in joint names, DH's half was paid off by the mpp but we still had to pay my half - I arranged interest only for 10 months.) For any other debts you can arrange a minimal token payment each month, they'd rather have an agreement in place with a small amount than not be paid and things go into default. Re bills, we found the energy supplier (E-on) absolutely bloody awesome. They arranged for free wall and loft insulation as we became a priority case, they also agreed affordable monthly payments based on my income alone and spread a plan over two years instead of one. I'll be eternally grateful to them and the system they have. It's doable.
Careres centre will happily fill in forms for (with) you, if you qualify for carers allowance or DLA, or reduction in council tax. Just turn up with your file of normal info and bills and they'll help. Again they're used to completing the forms for people whose heads are in a pickle.
So sorry you're in this boat. But lots of us around who can prop you up
Thank you everyone. Your advice has been really helpful and feeling less concerned about the finances for now. Dh has a meeting with his work on fri so hopefully that will help.
The meeting with oncologist and CNS went well. They need further staging tests so pet ct scan and laparoscopy then plan to start EOX chemo in 2-3weeks. Off to see the surgeons today to do pre assessment tests for laparoscopy then preparation for the big op after 3 chemo cycles ideally. Just really really hoping that this bloody tumour isn't hiding bits that they will pick up otherwise it's not good at all 
Has anyone got any thoughts on different hospitals too? We live within the m25 and so currently under the cancer centre hospital nearest but I am also wondering about central London specialist places. We have asked gp for referral for 2nd opinion but he said no we should see oncologist first. We talked about it to the oncologist but he wasn't forthcoming (and a bit pissed off) so we are going to ask gp again. I just want to make sure he gets the best treatment and I don't want to look back and say maybe we wouldn't be in this situation if this had happened. We also might do it privately if gp refuses again.
I can't find information on where is best? Any ideas or anyone done this
My cousin was diagnosed with Stage 4 osophageal and stomach cancer 4 years ago - in Australia. He had chemo and radiotherapy, then a big operation and was in remission for three years. He has had further chemo which has again put him in remission and is off on a sailing holiday with no treatment or scan for the next 3 months.
I think more and more cancer is a disease which can often be controlled if not fully cured. It is just so very frightening and the uncertainty of it all is awful.
Lots of very very good luck with it.
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So sorry this is happening to you. I'm
afraid I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you
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