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Mum in law help please.

(4 Posts)
katy1039 Sun 25-Jan-15 22:02:06

Hi everyone,

I just wondered if anyone could help please. My wonderful mother in law has been battling cancer for many years. She first had bowel cancer and had an operation to remove lots of her bowel, and a stoma fitted. 5 years after that she was diagnosed with cancer in her womb and had a hysterectomy. A year after that the cancer was back in her pelvis and lungs. And at the back end of last year it was confirmed as terminal and has also spread to her brain. Her wonderful husband died 3 years ago and we live 2 hours away so as you can probably imagine this has been a total nightmare for everyone involved.

Our problem now is her care. The hospice she was in doesn't allow people to stay for long periods so she has had to go home. She can't walk without a walker, can hardly breathe due to the numerous tumours in her lungs, and is asleep most of the day. She can't make herself food or drink so has carers, organised by the hospice, come in 3 times a day. We just dont think this is enough. She is crying on the phone saying she is frightened. Nobody comes in at night and she has no panic button in case of a fall. Even better is that the carers forgot her on Friday! So she had no lunch. She isn't drinking as she is frightened of getting to the toilet by herself. She has a chest drain to drain off infection that she is supposed to change herself too?

Does anybody have any good advice for us please? We are at our wits end. We recjon she should be in a home but she is terrified of the costs. Surely she shouldnt be alone and frightened? Thank you in advance. X

throckenholt Mon 26-Jan-15 12:24:01

If she is terminal then she should get the costs of the nursing home paid for. I think maybe the first port of call would be her GP - get her assessed, say it is urgent and she needs care.

Another port of call might be Macmillan - they probably could help in sorting things out for her.

Lifeisabeach Mon 26-Jan-15 20:39:22

Hi Katy,

My mum is also terminally ill with cancer and has been hospitalised for the past 3 weeks. She has now requested to be moved to a nursing home in the town where I live (and close to where her house is) and the palliative care team at the hospital are in the process of arranging for her to move sometime this week.

I spoke to a doctor from the palliative care team tonight who said that the nursing home would be fully funded due to the nature of her illness - it's terminal and the doctor thinks she probably only has a couple of months left, if that.

It really doesn't sound as though your MIL should be at home, so definitely worth trying to find out whether she would qualify for funding to move to a home. As the PP said, Macmillan should be able to advise, or her GP.

So sorry that you're going through this, it's just awful isn't it?

lessthanBeau Tue 27-Jan-15 22:13:02

I'll second that about McMillan, they have sorted everything out for my dB so far, been there every step of the way. thanks

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