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I need to face facts. Mum is dying.

(4 Posts)
Thisvehicleisreversing Thu 20-Nov-14 10:58:24

Just that really.

She's had lung cancer for 4 years. The first rounds of radiotherapy and chemo were a breeze. Hardly any side effects and looked and felt great.

This time though the chemo hasn't worked. The tumour has grown, she's lost 4 stone and aged about 10 years.

She's not my mum anymore.

She shuts herself away, keeping her distance from her family. That hurts. I want some nice times with her but she's too depressed to doanything more than sit all day staring at the telly or sleeping.

The doctor has told her to start preparing her will and thinking about the hospice as she only has a couple of months at most.

She doesn't want to think about it. She shouts if we talk about it. She's pushing us away.

I don't know what to do for her.

I can't believe she'll soon me gone.

MrsNuckyThompson Thu 20-Nov-14 11:04:42

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.

I guess if she doesn't want to talk or think about it, to an extent you have to respect that. If you want to spend time with her then it might be a case of just going round there, helping with housework or whatever, making tea and sitting on the sofa watching rubbish on tv with her. And NOT talking about tit if that's what she wants...

Procrastinatingpeacock Thu 20-Nov-14 22:46:48

I agree that you can't force her to talk about things and spending time together on her terms is the best plan, even if that means watching rubbish telly and eating takeaways. If there are any pressing practicalities to be dealt with then could you try emailing her so she isn't put on the spot?

The sleeping may also be due to her illness sapping her strength.

It's such a difficult time and every person and family deals with it in their own way. Wishing you strength and sending a hug.

whatisforteamum Wed 26-Nov-14 08:17:24

Hi thisvechicle i am so sorry you are in this situation,Both my parents are terminal and Mum did get her affairs in order when diagnosed in 2007 and she is still here.When dad was given the news he did the house up.he has palliative chemo in 2 weeks and wants to decorate the spare room to ease the house sale if they both go soon.Everyone is different and i have a feeling i would be more like your Mum.Just be there for her,love her and respect her wishes as hard as this is (i wanted a family get together last yr but they didnt).Does she have a brother or sis that could discuss any financial things to tie up ?

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