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Dad has terminal cancer

(9 Posts)
bensam Mon 27-Oct-14 13:50:45

My Dad is 67 and has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which appears to have spread to the liver. They've given him 6 months on average to live. He's only just overcome cancer of the bladder. He had a scan 6 months ago and they said it wasn't there but now it is and there's nothing they can do. I suspect that they missed it. He also had a lesion in his chest which they biopsied, said was inconclusive and that was it - he didn't even see anyone about it - just a phone call from the nurse. They missed his bladder cancer - said he had diverticulitis and they were not concerned - then he started passing blood!
Sorry to rant but I can't help thinking that he hasn't been looked after very well. I guess I am just devastated at the moment and need to vent.
Thanks for listening.

ajandjjmum Mon 27-Oct-14 13:51:48

I am so so sorry - that must be awful for you and him. Hopefully someone who can give you practical advice will be along shortly.

LucyB1 Thu 30-Oct-14 21:28:00

Very sorry to hear this.

BonaDea Thu 30-Oct-14 21:31:53

I am so sorry to hear this. We lost my mil earlier this year to this awful form of cancer.

From what I read at the time it is very very hard to detect and it is very common to be symptomless until it is stage 4 and so has spread.

MIL's had spread to lungs and liver.

It is so hard. Personally I'd work to let go of the (only natural) desire to look for someone to blame. Enjoy the precious months you have left.

WoohoohooandaBottleofBlood Thu 30-Oct-14 21:40:30

I'm so sorry to hear that, pancreatic cancer is one of the worst for delay in diagnosis. We lost my dad to it. i have to say the day he found out was the very worst day of my whole life, worse even than losing him 6 months later.

If you feel his diagnosis and care weren't good enough, and you have the energy to, please do complain. There were serious lapses with the GP in my dad's case. We didn't follow up on it as made a complaint about some other care and didn't have enough energy to fight on another front too. We do regret that 5 years on, although at the time it probably would have given my mum the finishing touches to a nervous breakdown. The GP refused to apologise too which makes my blood boil.

Horrible disease. So sorry for you all.

WoohoohooandaBottleofBlood Thu 30-Oct-14 21:43:04

By the way, any complaining I wouldn't do now, I agree focus on the here and now and park those thoughts for future action when you are emotionally stronger

bensam Sat 01-Nov-14 08:24:47

Thank you so much for your replies. It's so strange to think that we're going to lose him as he seems okay at the moment. My mum esp is really struggling and it's heart breaking to see her like this. My dad is amazingly strong about it. The thought of what is ahead fills me with fear as I can't bear the thought of him being in pain and suffering. It's just totally shit! sad

Eyespy24 Sat 01-Nov-14 14:01:59

Hi Bensam. So sorry to hear about your dad. That news must have come as a huge shock.
I know what you mean about finding it hard to believe when they seem OK right now. My mum, 64 has bowel cancer also with secondaries in the liver and lungs & has been predicted 2 yrs. She's nearly finished 6 mth chemo & is in need of a break from it.
I too fear the suffering that may be ahead and how my dad will cope. Cancer is crap - for everyone.

bensam Mon 03-Nov-14 12:49:53

Eyespy24 I am so sorry to hear about your mum. Yes, cancer is truly awful for everyone involved. Sending you thoughts x

Dad looked poorly yesterday even though he was putting on a brave face. The realisation that we are going to lose him and the fact that we can do nothing about it is heartbreaking. Our world is never going to be the same again.

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