Multiple Sclerosis, rage and a baby

[lionrattle]

So, im a long time lurker and really need some advice so i joined today.
My husband has MS, for nearly three years diagnosed, (symptoms much longer) and we have a wonderful four month old. I wasnt sure where to post this.. but im aware MS affects moods.. and ireally try to consider my husbands additional needs... but. Hes vile. Yesterday he shouted in the face of my precious boy (whom he does next to nothinh for) because he was crying loudly. Whilst a one off his general attitude to our son is not pleasant, he finds him too much (hes a normal baby) shouts and gets very angry with me. He says the most horrible thungs to me and threatens me almost daily. For background informtion were not in the UK, this countrys language i speak poorly, im a stay at home mum and honestly i dont even know how/where to access help. My family live in thr UK, his, im too embarrassed to tell how he treats me.. but theyre lovely. Hes not keen on me coming to a neuro appointment with him and asking for anger etc help. I d0t know what to do, i want my marriage to work b8t dont want my son to suffer. Does anyone have any adviceplease? Sorryfor typos, im feeding the baby and typing one handed.

[lionrattle]

I dont really want to admit but i am atually scaredo of him and dread the weekends

[SolomanDaisy]

It sounds like he is an abuser, ME doesn't make people behave like this. Do you want to leave him and return to the UK? Are you in Europe? There's probably someone on MN who can help you find support.

[lionrattle]

Yes, were in northern europe. Im so confused, soetimes hes lovely and "my" DH othertimes hes this person. What i most want is him t be himself again, i thought moodswings etc were a part of MS?? Is that utterly wrong? I know he has responaibility too.. if he cant change .. i do want to leave. My son cant grow up like this its not fair. And id be mortified if he grew up like his father is now. I dont know how it all became like this

[Blondieminx]

MS is not a carte blanche to behave like an arse. He sounds awful and there is NO reason to shout at a tiny baby

He is an adult and is responsible for his own behaviour, this situation is NOT your fault.

Please tell your family what is happening, I'm sure they'll help you & there is also fantastic support on the Relationships topic here.

If you don't leave for your own sake then please do it for your son's sake - tiny babies need love and cuddles, not to be shouted at.

You and your DS do not have to live like this xx

[mumster79]

MS does make people have mood swings, but I was under the impression that it was more of blues/pinks - ups/downs and not full on anger. I may be wrong, but it sounds like this is something unrelated...

[justiceofthePeas]

Even if MS does make you have mood swings, a tiny baby is not going to understand that. It is the effect here not the cause that is important.

He really needs to accept that this is intolerable and do something about it. If he won't you may have to rethink your living arrangements.

[weird2014]

I have MS and can confirm that it does affect your mood, sometimes I just feel so tired and irritable or so low, it's horrible and, for me, the worst part of this disease as I feel it robs me of a part of me and my usual cheery self.

But that is absaloutely no reason to take it out on others. It might be a reason to withdraw or need some support but the anger and threats you describe are unacceptable for you and your child. He needs to know this and you need to get some support and he needs to understand where the line is.

It may be that the MS has affected him deeply. Not sure from your post if he has always had these issues or just since the MS. If the latter then he may benefit from some counselling as it is a really difficult thing to accept but that still does not mean you and your child should accept this behaviour. MS does not take away empathy or the ability to understand that others shouldn't be subjected to horrible behaviour.

[cooki3monst3r]

Hi OP. I'm with everyone else. MS is NOT an excuse to be treating you, or more importantly your baby, like this.

Not being able to control his mood swings is one thing, but not even acknowledging his unacceptable behaviour or being willing to ask for help is unforgivable.

You need to tell him. Sort it, or you're going.

I've recently been diagnosed with MS and I cannot imagine ever being so low I'd treat my babies like that. Not as a normal course of events at least! Sometimes they put their cold hands on me, or accidentally stamp their tiny feet on mine and it hurts so much it makes me want to cry. But I'd rather they touch me and it hurt than not feel them at all.

[CocktailQueen]

I don't know. My aunt had MS and she was absolutely VILE to my mum and her h - the ones who were closest to her. I didn't like her at all. I think ms can lead to terrible mood swings - but of course that doesn't mean that you and your baby should suffer!

Can you contact the ms charity for their advice?

But, your dh does sound like it's more than the ms. If he's been suffering symptoms for much longer than his diagnosis, then maybe he's further along the road than you thought? Either way, you and baby don't deserve this. What was he like before diagnosis?