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(11 Posts)
ScouseBird8364 Tue 08-Jul-14 12:45:40

Has anybody any experience of a husband or partner having had a Stroke and if so, what have the consequences been and how have you learned to adapt and cope?

My hubby had one in 2012, aged 48, but almost 2 years down the line, I'm feeling very sad as I feel I've lost my man sad

throckenholt Tue 08-Jul-14 19:14:42

no personal experience - but didn't want to leave you alone. 48 is so young sad

DFIL had a stroke - and I think the mental changes are less obvious than the physical ones - but much harder to come to terms with.

DSIL had a stroke 6 months ago - still not clear what the prognosis is.

Can you get any support locally or from the stroke charities ?

ComradePlexiglass Tue 08-Jul-14 19:23:06

Hi Scouse. My partner (46) had a stroke 5 months ago so it's very early days for us. Have you had any counselling? I'm thinking of getting some soon. It's such a life changing thing. How has it affected your husband?

ScouseBird8364 Tue 08-Jul-14 21:33:45

Comrade, I'm so sorry to hear that, I can obvs completely empathise thanks

Was your husband left with physical or mental deficits, or both? Initially, in the hospital for the first few weeks, my hub had peripheral vision, and was also left very weak on one side of his body. Thankfully, his vision returned to normal, however his long lasting effects are mental / psychological and I feel like I have completely lost the man I married sad

We didn't have an option for counselling, however hub still sees a Clinical Psychologist who specialises in Strokes. We did seek support from The Stroke Association, but we do not rate them at all, in fact, all we got from them was false hope sad

How are you coping? Have you had to come out of work to care for him? x x

ScouseBird8364 Tue 08-Jul-14 21:35:13

Thankyou throckenholt, appreciate that smile

And you're completely right re the mental as opposed to the physical, this is what my hubby is still fighting to come to terms with sad x x

ComradePlexiglass Tue 08-Jul-14 22:13:02

He's walking with a stick now. Slow and wobbly but very proud of No use of right arm at all and really severe speech and communication problems. Can't really speak at all though practising a few single words and uses an iPad communication programme. It's been massively disabling but it's still fairly early days. And despite it all I still have the sense that he's the same person inside. He has the same sense of humour and his understanding is basically still there despite the struggle to speak. That said, we had a kind of honeymoon period for a couple of weeks after his discharge from hospital- he was in for 4 months- and the reality of how much things have changed and how disabled he is is only just sinking in in some ways.

Did your husband's stroke affect his left side? I think I read somewhere that left sided strokes can affect mood and emotions more. Has he been able to return to work? How is he with your kids? Such a shame you can't get any help and support. sadangry Are there any carers organisations near you? I''ve heard some of them offer counselling as well as other support.

Nannasylv Mon 13-Jul-15 13:34:54

I had a stroke, Jan 2015, but the staff misread the MRI scan, and thought I just had a patch of Ischemia, which was, in fact, an evolving stroke (one which slowly blooms into a fully life-changing, whole side-loss of movement), which had fully developed 2 days later (plenty of time for them to have given a clot-buster). They refused to scan again, saying that I was pretending (copying the symptoms of other stroke victims on the specialist stroke ward I was on) until a formal complaint was made, and 9 days had elapsed. I could have done more at home! When they did the 2nd MRI, and saw the 1cm area of damage, they told the Stroke Association, who told me (they couldn't face me themselves) when I purloined a zimmer frame, and tracked them down on their rounds, they just said "sorry, we missed it on the 1st scan", and walked away! I have researched, exercised loads, and found a solicitor. My advice would be be proactive, about what you do (exercise and medication), and keep moving. I could have taken Alka-seltzer at home which could have helped more!

Nannasylv Mon 13-Jul-15 22:18:31

Another thing I have learned is, if my right side (the one affected) won't do what I want, I get both to do it together, which, somehow, gets the message through. I asked a physio if this was normal, and she said it often helps, almost as if the message is re-routed. Also, if I found something my right side couldn't do something well (or at all), I kept coming back to it. The message does eventually get through! There are days when it seems I have taken one step backwards, but I allow myself to rest then, and usually find that in a day (or sometimes two) I have moved forward again. The mood swings, on these days, are vile, and I apologize to anyone around me in advance for the day, without them I would never have got this far! I'm driving (short journeys) again (with my doctor's agreement), and hoping to return to work (part-time) soon. Never give up!

Lizzylou Mon 13-Jul-15 22:25:57

My dh had a stroke last year, he was very lucky in that he was near an excellent hospital and given a clot busting drug very swiftly.
I think he has been very lucky, he is fully mobile but does struggle with writing and his aphasia kicks in when he is tired. In our case the stroke association has been amazing and he has also found hydrotherapy extremely beneficial.
He does get frustrated and can be moody and have more low moments than he has ever had before.
We found trying to find the right treatment and advice for aftercare a minefield with the NHS.

Nannasylv Wed 15-Jul-15 10:26:53

It's a postcode lottery (imho). Moving to another county has made such a difference. I will try again for hydrotherapy, next time I see the physio. Good luck!

marshatp Fri 11-Sep-15 11:58:25

Huge sympathy for having to cope with this.

One thing to remember is that part of looking after a stroke is making sure there isn't going to be another one. This means: if you smoke, stop, treat high blood pressure (yep, pills), statins (yes, they help) and if you have an irregular pulse (called AF) you should be on drugs to prevent blood clotting.

Also worth pointing out that if a doctor knew your blood pressure was high and did not discuss blood pressure treatment or knew that you had an irregular pulse beforehand and did not discuss drugs to prevent blood clotting or knew you were high risk and didn't mention about statins it would be hard for them to defend medicolegally.

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