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My uncle has a terminal brain tumour.

(7 Posts)
MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 07-Jun-14 17:05:24

We weren't that close but I feel really upset, more upset than I'm entitled to be. I don't know what type it is but apparently it wasn't there 2 months ago but is now the size of a golf ball. He can't have it removed as there's too much risk of brain damage so he's starting radiotherapy in a week or so.

He's showing symptoms similar to a stroke, his face is drooping, he dribbles & gets confused and he can't walk very well. We live locally to him & my dad (his brother) said he'd like to see us. Obviously I'll go but I have 2 small boys & am worried they'll be too much. I'm also (selfishly) worried about getting upset when I see him & showing it (which he would hate).

I feel like I have no right to be upset, if that makes sense. I just don't know how to deal with this.

yourlittlesecret Sat 07-Jun-14 17:16:25

Sorry to hear this.
Are you worried about the boys effect on your uncle or vice versa?
If he knows and loves them he will want to see them, they need not know he is saying goodbye. If they are very little it won't have a lasting effect seeing him now.If they are older just be sure what he is like before you go.
To be blunt, it could be quick, so if you are going to visit go soon.
My dad died of a brain tumour and deteriorated rapidly. I saw him one day and decided to take DS2 (12) to visit. When we went 3 days later he had lost the ability to speak or move and it was very distressing for him and DS.

Elibean Sat 07-Jun-14 18:05:13

You are totally entitled, OP. Sometimes we just don't know how we feel until we feel it, iyswim - and right now, you sound scared and shocked as well as upset. Not surprisingly. You may not have been close, but he is still your uncle, and probably was part of your childhood in some way, and it changes us when people from our childhood get sick and try and ease up on yourself flowers

If your boys are very little, they might be confused but I doubt they'll be very much affected or upset unless they see you very upset - small kids tend to pick up on our feelings more than anything. Can you visit without them, the first time at least? Or take someone else too, so the boys can say hello and maybe give him a card or something, then go off to play while you visit?

MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 07-Jun-14 19:22:47

I'm not worried about the effect on my boys, they'll be fine but at 4 and 20 months they are a handful & I'm wary of them being too much for my uncle. But I think he would like to see them so I guess we can go & when they get too much we'll just leave.

sanfairyanne Sat 07-Jun-14 19:30:25

can you go with someone else, then children are whisked off after a few minutes?

lottieandmias Sat 07-Jun-14 19:32:00

Of course you have a right to be upset. I'm so sorry to hear he's so unwell sad

MyGastIsFlabbered Fri 13-Jun-14 19:21:47

We're hopefully going to see him tomorrow, it'll just be a quick visit with the boys who apparently he wants to see.

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