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How do you cope with the guilt?

(15 Posts)
BlueGoddess Thu 10-Oct-13 18:19:58

I have arthritis, primary biliary cirrhosis, and fibromyalgia. My house is a mess, I'm grumpy with my kids, and feel horribly guilty that DH is doing more than his fair share. I used to be so independent and now I'm reliant on him, a cleaner and my parents - why me! It's just not fair!

ELR Sun 10-Nov-13 16:30:10

Hi I saw that nobody had responded so thought I'd say hi!
I don't have a life limiting illness but I am borderline hypothyroid, have constant neck pain and anemia so in pain and tired quite a lot and new this week is vertigo!
I know what you mean about the guilt thing it's almost as bad as being ill. I guess it's just something we need to accept and also the people that help us do it because they love us or are getting paid! Also when I have a good day I make sure I pay DH and kids loads of attention.
Good luck.

LostInWales Sun 10-Nov-13 16:36:39

<waves hi to BlueGoddess too> I have just had a little rant on here as well, primarily because I only have DS3 here today and I'm too crap to do anything other than let him arse about on the computer and it makes me feel really guilty too. It's so hard isn't it? I hate being less and less independent and needing people to help me, especially my cleaner or 'my hands' because she does more than clean she helps me with all sorts. You want to jump up and down shouting 'I'm not lazy you know, I would do it if I could'. Here have some of these flowers lots of lovely people have given me some when I was fed up so you can have some too.

LostInWales Sun 10-Nov-13 16:37:44

Throws some to ELR as well flowers. I bet vertigo on top of everything else makes you just want to scream 'it's not fair'.

JuliaScurr Sun 10-Nov-13 16:43:46

It's hideously frustrating because <whispers> nobody ever does it properly anyway, do they? Not how we'd do it ourselves (ie the right way)

LostInWales Sun 10-Nov-13 17:21:46

They don't Julia. My biggest secret is that DH can be hopeless feeding us all. I try and do it myself, I know what they like and what works for us all but sometimes he does it to help and quite often it's rubbish or not nearly enough for 5 of us and it makes me want to cry blush.

ParsingFancy Sun 10-Nov-13 17:27:24

Oh god, so true. They do it badly, or don't do it all, and to cap it all you're supposed to be "grateful" all the fecking time.


ParsingFancy Sun 10-Nov-13 17:38:45

And of course then you feel bad at being ungrateful and a bit more guilty as it's so unfair on them...

I can go round like this for hours.

LostInWales Sun 10-Nov-13 17:41:19

Oh Parsing you've got it exactly.

ParsingFancy Sun 10-Nov-13 17:48:55

thanks to all on this thread.

It's a bit shit, isn't it?

ELR Sun 10-Nov-13 19:08:51

Thanks for the flowers lost the vertigo is terrible feels like I'm drunk but without the merry feeling! I'm staggering around like I've had one too many and can't risk driving. Walking the kids to school in the morning is going to be a challenge!

JuliaScurr Mon 11-Nov-13 14:29:37

don't give me any flowers; they'll put them in the wrong vase with all the tall ones at the front


BlueGoddess Thu 14-Nov-13 13:31:42


Thank you all - feeling a bit better than last month, but better now I don't feel a Norma-No-Mates! grin

ParsingFancy Sat 16-Nov-13 16:21:07

Glad this month is a bit better, BlueGoddess.

Mmm, cake... Life can't be too bad while I can still enjoy that.

ParsingFancy Sat 16-Nov-13 16:41:15

<snurk> at Julia. If they get as far as a vase, not a jug in the kitchen waiting "for when I have the energy", that still counts a win!

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