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Did I say the wrong thing to a woman whom I know is ill?

(11 Posts)
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sat 02-Mar-13 13:09:17

A friend of a friend is ill with cancer and is starting treatment again soon - she had been in remission.

We started chatting yesterday for the first time and after a lull in conversation, I said to her that I had heard she was ill and that I was very sorry to hear it. Conversation continued and she said that it was fine that I knew and that she is open about it, but that she does not know where I would have heard it from. We talked about things in general and about my work etc and towards the ends of the conversation I offered to take her kids to and from school if she needed help. The conversation was friendly and went on for some time.

I am now feeling very guilty that I brought up her illness myself. I think I did it to make me feel more comfortable being with her, and that because of this what I said was wrong.

Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have kept my mouth shut? I also feel dreadful because I remembered later that the person who had told me had told me in confidence. I should just staple my fucking mouth shut, I think.

dothraki Sat 02-Mar-13 13:18:12

Please stop feeling guilty, she wasn't funny towards you - and I'm sure she was grateful for you offering to help. When I had a cancer scare by biggest concern was the welfare of my children. Now it is in the open between the 2 of you, she will probably appreciate having someone to talk to. Picking her kids is a lovely thing to do.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sat 02-Mar-13 19:12:58

Thanks, dothraki. I also feel bad about breaking my friend's confidence - but that WAS wrong. In any event, I am glad it is open now, and I will forward her my number in case she ever needs me.

dothraki Sat 02-Mar-13 22:08:14

Well - thats all good - here wine it is saturday night

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 03-Mar-13 09:38:08

smile Thanks!

brokenk Fri 08-Mar-13 06:34:18

Listen that way in my opinion you have not done anything wrong
you see becauce Im ill and I was of from work so I had to talk and explain my manager a women in her forties pregnent one and listen now the next time at work full of work colegs old and new she made total fun of me saying everybody my private staff and laughthing at me
that was wrong
so even if that women was surprised how do you know you had never laughed at her and her being ill

MrsJohnDeere Sat 09-Mar-13 12:05:49

No need to feel guilty. I'm sure she appreciated your best wishes and offers of help.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 10-Mar-13 22:49:25

Thanks, brokenk and MrsJohnDeere. We talked again yesterday and she is honestly a lovely, warm person. She seemed pleased to see me and happy to natter away while waiting for our kids at their sports meeting.

GoLadyEdith Mon 18-Mar-13 18:23:57

My guess is that the lady is relieved that you 'broke' your mutual friend's confidence and that her sad news is out now. You've shown that you'll support her, for which I'm sure shell be grateful at a time when she must be feeling very scared and anxious.

MercedesKing Fri 22-Mar-13 09:23:56

Totally agree with dothraki, please do not feel guilty! She would be wonderful for your kindness. My uncle was diagnosed with cancer 7 months ago, and I said to him this kind of things as well, which I said I can lend him all my help to take care of my ten-year old cousin with my aunt after the thing gone, then i realized that I should not mention this kind of things in such an inappropriate time, I felt guilty then, and I told him that I am guilty about the stuff, he told me not to, he really appreciate that when he was then concerning about the problem.
You're so kind Alli, you know, one would only touched by you instead of blaming you by ignoring your kindness.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Mon 01-Apr-13 21:10:06

Thank you, GoLady and MercedesKing.

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