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Help & support needed I guess...

(3 Posts)
rainbowsprite1 Sat 10-Nov-12 00:44:02

I think maybe I just need to type this all out & this is the best place... I live on a small island, my dad has been diagnosed with cancer they can't operate on but can treat with chemo & radio therapy at the same time, but not here.. he goes across to start treatment on monday at the nearest hospital that can do it. If the treatment doesnt work he has 6 - 9 months.. we don't know if it has worked until after the treatment has finished in january, it doesnt look great at the moment. My mum is spending alot of time with him, I am flying over once a week and my sister who lives on the mainland will also be visiting regularly.

My questions are

1) how the fuck do I keep normal family life for my DD's aged 4 &6 going on as normal

2) what the fuck do I do about xmas, the kids can't see my dad (infection risk) do I spend it with them & choose to miss quite possibly my dads last xmas, or do I totally upset and disappoint my dd's who have to do xmas without mummy - i can't do both

3) how the fuck do i keep my sanity & carry on normal daily life etc

please excuse the language, I dont normally swear but I couldnt think of a better way to put stuff

I'd really appreciate any help and advice other MN have

NicholasTeakozy Sat 10-Nov-12 11:07:34

Sorry to hear about your dad, I hope his treatment works.

I think in this situation keeping family life "normal" is going to prove impossible due to your weekly visits to your dad. All you can do is try to explain in child friendly words the reason you're away so often.

Wrt xmas, if I'd had any sort of relationship with my dad I'd have spent it with him, even if it meant putting up with my abusive stepmother. Whichever decision you make is obviously going to upset somebody, which makes it even harder.

Don't even try to keep up the pretence of life being normal atm, because it isn't. You're allowed to crack under this pressure, you know. Go and have a cry in private, hug your DDs lots and vent on here. We may be a nest of vipers, but we're a luffly bunch when push comes to shove.

Don't apologise for fucking swearing, we're allowed to do that on here. Thank fuck.

Finally, Mumsnetty (((hugs))) to you. xx

rainbowsprite1 Fri 04-Jan-13 00:40:12

I just wanted to update you Nicholas - your kind words meant alot & helped me make some tough decisions. I ended up not spending xmas with my dad, because he told (well wrote on a postit note - he can no longer talk) me I had to be with my kids & he wouldnt acknowledge me on xmas day if i was there, but saw him on 23rd & 24th of dec, should have seen him straight after xmas but had to fly home on 26th with ill DD2 sad my dad has now finished treatment & we hope it has worked, he may even be well enough to come back home to hospital care here in the next couple of weeks, yay!

thank you again for taking the time to reply to my rather desperate post


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