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Are we in the last few weeks?

(84 Posts)
mummynumnum Sat 08-Sep-12 22:42:25

My beloved mil has secondary breast cancer in stomach. Palliative care since two diff types of chemo nearly killed her. Several stays in hospice. Has had stents but bile duct one blocked and attempt to put new one through failed although put one in side. Chose not to have ct scan recently but surgeon implied things have spread. Was stage 4 when diagnosed and has done well to last 2 yrs. Since the last stent surgery she has been in hospice and again nearly died but rallied and came out and was living with us. However, she is now hardly eating, is about 6 stone, has nausea and weakness and has white poo and in pain when on toilet. Are we nearing end? She is buring head in sand and missing appts. Keeps saying she will phone hospice and talk to them but doesn't. Really worried. Should I phone them?

mummynumnum Sun 30-Dec-12 20:27:28

Hi. Thanks for asking after us. Made most of christmas and enjoyed it. We are doing ok. Dd is coping well. Ds thinks nanny a hospital still. Does not really understand what we are saying re nanny dying and being an angel now. I have gone from being almost on a manic high the first few weeks, to a bit emotional, to now when
I just think about her alot. Even listened to an old voice message I found of hers today. Her dd are more expressive about feelings than my dh. He is saying not even thinking about it much, but he looks shattered and has been getting few infections where I think he is run down. In spite of everything though we did a good job at Xmas and kids loved it. Mil ashes were even under the treewink

echt Sat 29-Dec-12 05:39:00

Just wanted to post to see how you are, mummynumnum. In all the fall-out of emotions and gathering of a lifetime at the death of your dear MIL, I hope you found some time for joy at Christmas.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 18:42:30

Oh my love, it hurts so very much doesn't it sad

You just want them back - so so much.

It is horribly hard anytime of the year - but around Christmas it just seems that bit harder, everyone else is cheerful and planning Christmas and, if you are anything like me, you just can't face it and feel a bit 'how can they go on as though nothing has happened???' <which of course for strangers - even friends - it hasn't>.

I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel a bit better - but sadly I know from bitter experience there really isn't.

I know some people think it's 'trite/crap/pathetic' but I actually find that this little saying does help a bit 'It isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain'. It sort of reminds me to try to find the good in the day and allow myself to enjoy little things without feeling like I have to 'be over it' or guilty that I've enjoyed a little bit of the day.

I'm sitting here crying - for you, for your DH, for your kids and for me and mine. It's just so crap isn't it sad

mummynumnum Sun 09-Dec-12 20:06:44

We had dear mil funeral service friday. A lovely send off for a lovely lady. Has been so crazy till then-work/paperwork/funeral planning. Since the funeral though not been able to stop thinking of her and so many things are reminding me of her. sad. My dd is beginning to really miss her. Wish it wasn't realsad

PortoDude Mon 26-Nov-12 22:27:40

(((hugs)))) to you and your DH. Hope you can get through the bureaucracy quickly and have some time to grieve.

mummynumnum Mon 26-Nov-12 22:09:53

Thanks for all the kind messages. It is a huge loss and one that in the mayhem of sorting funerals/financial matters out etc has not q hit us fully yetsad a dreadful loss for us all. Such a brave, lovely lady!

echt Mon 26-Nov-12 07:13:45

Ah, I saw this at the top of the forum, and wondered how your dear MIL was getting on.

Sad for you and your family; her release is still your loss.


mrssmooth Sat 24-Nov-12 17:18:35

sad thanks

ajandjjmum Fri 23-Nov-12 16:18:14

Sorry for your loss.

BIWI Fri 23-Nov-12 08:56:13


McPhee Fri 23-Nov-12 08:42:38

Leaving warm hugs and a shoulder for you. I'm so very sorry you've all been through this.

We've recently been through this ourselves, and are nearly the end for another family member.

Take what help/support you need for yourself and your family.

Most of all, be kind to yourself

RIP lovely lady


Northernlurker Fri 23-Nov-12 08:33:19

I'm sorry for your loss. Be very gentle with yourself. You've all just run a long, long race and you won't know how tired you are yet. In a few days it will start to kick in. Just take things very slow and give yourself time to grieve. An expected death is still a shattering blow.

CelticPromise Fri 23-Nov-12 08:28:58

I'm so sorry. I hope it will be a comfort that you did so much for her, and that her children could be with her at the end.

Wishing you all strength and peace.

CabbageLeaves Fri 23-Nov-12 07:27:14

She is at peace mummy. I hope you and your family has support in their time to grieve. So sorry for your loss

weegiemum Fri 23-Nov-12 06:49:04

So sorry for your loss, but also glad her suffering is at an end. Take care.

Portofino Fri 23-Nov-12 06:45:48

Sorry to hear your news, yet glad she is not suffering any more. sad xxx

girlsyearapart Fri 23-Nov-12 06:38:17

So sorry to read this. Wishing you and your family courage & strength to deal with this difficult time

ChippingInLovesAutumn Fri 23-Nov-12 00:55:22

Oh my love, I'm so sorry x This is the first time I have seen your thread, I've just read all of your posts sad No matter how much of a relief it is that they are no longer in pain, it still hurts so much - so so much. Please pass my thoughts onto your DH too, no matter how old you are, losing a parent is very very hard. Lots of love xxx

mummynumnum Fri 23-Nov-12 00:47:20

She passed away at 11pm. V sad.

Northernlurker Fri 23-Nov-12 00:20:53

Sorry to read your updates. Thinking of you sad

Bimblepops Thu 22-Nov-12 23:54:13

I'm sorry. Thinking of you all and sending you my love.

BIWI Thu 22-Nov-12 23:50:36

Sorry sad

mummynumnum Thu 22-Nov-12 23:49:09

My dh and his bro and sisters are all staying at the hospice with her tonight. Apparently her breathing is v shallow. At home with dc in bed and trying to keep myself occupied. sad

laptopcomputer Thu 22-Nov-12 22:42:37

Thinking of you all. We lost my wonderful granny to bowel cancer 4 years ago now, but the last days stay with you. At the very end she was very peaceful and fully reconciled to going, and I hoe your MIL finds the same peace.

caramellattes Thu 22-Nov-12 22:29:18

Thinking of you all. Lost my DM at the weekend - last couple of days so painful to endure, much as you describe with DMIL. Felt as if my heart was being ripped out. Just trying to take comfort from the fact that she is finally at peace and in no more pain from that awful disease xx

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