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Are we in the last few weeks?

(84 Posts)
mummynumnum Sat 08-Sep-12 22:42:25

My beloved mil has secondary breast cancer in stomach. Palliative care since two diff types of chemo nearly killed her. Several stays in hospice. Has had stents but bile duct one blocked and attempt to put new one through failed although put one in side. Chose not to have ct scan recently but surgeon implied things have spread. Was stage 4 when diagnosed and has done well to last 2 yrs. Since the last stent surgery she has been in hospice and again nearly died but rallied and came out and was living with us. However, she is now hardly eating, is about 6 stone, has nausea and weakness and has white poo and in pain when on toilet. Are we nearing end? She is buring head in sand and missing appts. Keeps saying she will phone hospice and talk to them but doesn't. Really worried. Should I phone them?

mummynumnum Tue 16-Oct-12 20:17:50

Got lumps all under arm now. Hospice doc visiting tomorrow as she can't get up there as we are at work and bit difficult. Still not eating much.

caramellattes Fri 19-Oct-12 13:54:46

Just posting to say - understand what you are going through. DM has terminal cancer, breast originally, now spread to chest and stomach, with several large lumps/tumours. Still at home with DF currently (as is her wish) with Dr, MacMillan nurse and district nurse visiting weekly. DM is only 6 stone (medical term is cachexic I believe - basically no appetite/unable to eat due to her illness) and on protein drinks, which she is barely taking in also. It is heartbreaking, seeing someone you love have to struggle like this day to day. I visit each day and just try to take it one day at a time - I find it to be the best way of coping - although some days (especially the bad days) I just go back home and have a cry. Dr hasn't really given a prognosis of how long we have but at least I feel a little better knowing that the support systems are being put in place to help DM try to stay in her own home to the end (home visits, care plan etc) and to respect her wishes.x

mummynumnum Sun 21-Oct-12 17:25:11

Thanks for the message. I am sorry to hear about your dm. They sound like they are in a very similar way. Dm in law is about 6stone and struggling to have even one of those shakes. Any food now seems to make her throw up. She is on high dose of fentanyl patches but doc wants her to switch to pills as possibly not working as she is so fine and no fat on her to absorb the morphine from patches. She hasn't switched yet as frightened of pain starting. Surgeons have said cant get to blockage as slipped stent in stomach preventing them so not sure much more can be done. Lumps also appearing almost on daily basis in armpit and groin area. She has good and bad days but has survived 3 yrs this xmas from diagnosis of this awful secondary cancer. God willing she will have more and as I hope your dm will also.

mummynumnum Wed 24-Oct-12 20:04:29

Poor dm in law still in pain, puking up when tries to eat and stomach v distended. Saw hospice doc today and they felt that it was tumour causing probs and not blocked stent. Think taking her in Fri to get her more comfortable.

mummynumnum Sun 04-Nov-12 20:01:46

Dear mil went into hospice last fri and stayed there. Had odd good day but struggling with symptoms. Couldn't get up there today but phoned and was totally out of it. Spoke to nurse and said she had suffered alot of pain today and had alot of morphine. Sis in law went up but told not to stay long so she could rest. Said docs will review tomorrow. When such huge doses are having to be administered on top of patches, does it mean the end is near. Her youngest daughter went away for a week yesterday and wondering if she should be called.

mummynumnum Sat 10-Nov-12 18:35:22

Dear mil stomach is now completely obstructed and nothing getting threw. Also sedating her due to pain. Think we are in last few days/hours. sad

rocamadour Mon 12-Nov-12 11:54:47

Im so sorry to hear this. It must be terrifying for her and dreadful for you and your family to watch.

CHST Wed 14-Nov-12 21:40:12

so sorry to hear this....such a tough time. Take care of yourself and your family x

mummynumnum Fri 16-Nov-12 05:45:05

Thanks for your words. Dear MIL is still clinging to life. Sedated much of time and no real sign yesterday of drinking any water. Managed to rouse when we took kids and respond when ds cried. Managed to say love you. I have a v sad 6th old ddsad

Astelia Fri 16-Nov-12 05:51:46

So sorry to hear this, what an awful experience for everyone. Thinking of you all at this sad time xx

poachedeggs Fri 16-Nov-12 06:07:36

We've just been through this with my MIL sad

Just take each day at a time, and be there for each other. DH spent 6 days with MIL at the end and while she was peaceful I think there was relief when she died. Once you know there's no point of return it's a blessing.

I hope she is comfortable and peaceful.

mummynumnum Sat 17-Nov-12 07:10:59

She had a good day yesterday. Didn't make alot of sense, but sat up and awake.

mummynumnum Wed 21-Nov-12 06:00:52

DMILaw is in what we think is last day of life. Left work early to see her yesterday but she has not passed yet and not sure I can face going to work today. Is it acceptable for me not to go in?

Lifeisontheup Wed 21-Nov-12 06:09:50

Yes of course it's acceptable not to go into work. It does sound like the last day is here although no one can be certain. Be gentle on yourself and DH, it is a horrible time, we went through it with both my parents and I think that it is a relief in the end.
Look after yourself and I hope, for all your sakes, that it isn't too long.

mummynumnum Wed 21-Nov-12 17:40:48

I didn't go in. We all went in. So horrible. Death rattle. Grey. Eyes and mouth open. We want her to go but she is clinging in. Can't have drank for 3 days so the end must be near. sad

mrssmooth Wed 21-Nov-12 17:53:27

How awful for you all. Take care of yourselves, and I hoping that it won't be long before she is at peace. sad

FlamingoBingo Wed 21-Nov-12 18:13:40

So sorry to read this. Be kind to yourselves at this time xx

mummynumnum Wed 21-Nov-12 18:26:46

Dh just heading back up there and I am staying at home watching the kiddies. I think she would like to hear kiddies but although my dd 6 has seen nanny v sick I think she will find this end of life look too frighteningsad

ajandjjmum Wed 21-Nov-12 18:44:17

Feel for your all.

mummynumnum Thu 22-Nov-12 05:53:35

Mil threatened it a few times but didn't pass. I feel bad for taking day off now and now faced with a ds with a temp today as well and a dh who obv wants to be at hospice and not do childcare. What on eArth do I do re work!

ElectricSoftParade Thu 22-Nov-12 06:00:52

I am so sorry, it is a terrible time for you all.

I lost my mum, dad and sister to cancer and I do understand what you are saying about the death rattle, greyness and, well, all of it.

Your MIL and your family will be in my thoughts today.

ElectricSoftParade Thu 22-Nov-12 06:02:00

Sorry, meant to add that your work (hopefully)will understand. This is not normal circumstances and of course you need to be able to be with your MIL and DH.

Once again, I am sorry.

CabbageLeaves Thu 22-Nov-12 06:14:13

Oh mummynumnum sad

How very very hard for you all as a family. Keeping yourself going whilst caring is tough and even more so when you're caring for DC, DH and juggling full time work

I'm a boss. If you came to me (on telephone) and said how torn you we're, want to work but MiL expected to die each day, child poorly, DH distressed I'd not hesitate to tell you where you should be. I know not every work situation is like that

Can I suggest you visit your GP. PLEASE

Talk to them about this situation. Ask for some time off.. One week would just take pressure off you and you need it for your own health

Haribojoe Thu 22-Nov-12 06:16:55

Have you thought about seeing your GP and being signed off work. My docs did this when I was caring for Mum at home in the final stages. They said there was no way I could look after her, 2 DC and be expected to function at work too.

Helped take the pressure off, keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

mummynumnum Thu 22-Nov-12 06:52:25

Family just called to hospice as breathing changed. So changed everything and not going to work and doing son at docs instead. Praying now that her suffering ends.

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