Coping with the kids

[vogonmothership]

Has every one got kids? How much have you told them all about what's going on and how are they dealing with it?

It's my dad with the LLI, my kids are 3&6. I bought 'Goodbye Mog' to read with them which is actually quite good about explaining about death without being too sentimental or abrupt.

I am having a hard time coping with my own feelings though and do think I have turned into the world's shoutiest fish wife of a mother. Doesn't help that we have had nothing else to think about for the whole school hols. DH keeps shutting the windows because he says everyone can hear me bellowing down the street!

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

Goodbye Mog is one of the saddest things I've ever read. I read it as an adult, though, and I'm really not sure how I'd have responded as a child... I was fortunate in that I didn't lose my grandparents until I was a bit older.

It sounds as though you're having a really tough time... I'm sorry. I think the key to coping with the kids is coping with one's own feelings sufficient to make them feel loved, secure and free from having to deal with adult anxieties. I can say that, but I'm not very good at doing it, though.

Do you have people around who could help out in any way?

[footballmum]

I'm struggling with this issue too at the moment. My mum has a LLI and she's quite poorly at the moment. My DSs (7 & 4) know she's in hospital but don't really know why and haven't asked. Should I prepare them for the worst or just wait til it happens? They will both be devastated as they adore their nan and for a long time was one of their main child carers. It's so hard to deal with your own emotions at the same time as making sure your kids are ok

[stitchthis]

i find this v hard - i have 2 DS - becasue I get tired I get shouty and I dont have the 'spark' i used to - how to shield them? I count to 10 a lot, feel guilty a lot and try to tell them as much as possible how much I love them. If I get particulalry bad I say I'm having a bad day becasue of my illness not them and that it's OK and I will go back to normal (I'm lucky, it always seems to them that I do). There's no point in trying to hide the fact of illness imo but there's a LOT around making them feel as secure as possible - very hard balance tho and I dont think Ive cracked it at all - any ideas welcome...

[vogonmothership]

Do you keep school up to date with your health stitch?
You sound like you are dealing with the kids brilliant

Football, am so sorry about your mum, I think kids pick up so much but might not be able to express it, only you can say how much you want to tell them. Has their behaviour changed at all in any way? DS (6) seems fine and then gets overwhelmingly angry or weeps. I am dreading dealing with the next few weeks when my dad slips away.
I did write a letter to his new teacher this morning explaining the situation.

I did think we could make a 'Book of Grandad' together with lots of pictures and stories about what they have done together to help stop the memories from fading, I think that's one of the things that upsets me most.

[Dotty342kids]

Hi all,

One thing I've heard about which works really well with children (from a training course I did with Winston's Wish) is memory boxes. You can buy these from Winstons Wish or simply adapt a large shoe box.
The idea is that a child can put in whatever they want that is special to them and the person who is going to / had passed away. This might include a hanky sprayed with that person's aftershave, that person's favourite necklace that they always wore, a dried flower from their garden, photos, a pebble from thh beach they used to like to go to together - you get the idea! Essentially anything that will have a memory attached to it. Smells/ visuals / objects....... then they can of course decorate the box however they like.
If you have some time with the person who's going to pass away, and if they are up to it, this can be a project that they can actually do with the child, building more memories in itself. I have done one of these in retrospect and it really is incredibly helpful. Anytime you are missing that person it's very comforting simply to get the box out and immerse yourself in those memories.