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anyone willing to talk to me offline about their experiences with a known donor?

(8 Posts)
babyphat Wed 08-Jul-09 12:33:01

i can't explain on here as the situation is rather specific and confidential but i would be so grateful if anyone was willing to CAT me so i could ask a few questions. am more looking for people who have used a known donor but are not co-parenting. thank you very much!

LeninGrad Wed 08-Jul-09 19:53:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kayjayel Wed 08-Jul-09 22:53:50

Sorry, don't have CAT, but can answer q's. We use KD, and don't co-parent, but have contact maybe twice year (not around birthdays etc.).

drivingmisscrazy Wed 08-Jul-09 23:11:53

don't have CAT either, but used KD who has limited contact. No co-parenting (not least because he lives in a different country!) but 4 visits a year, currently short, but imagine these will get longer as DD gets older (she's 6mo). So far so good, but we were very very careful. Be very clear with yourselves about why you want to do it this way, and accept that if you want your child to know its father then you will have to be flexible and open and facilitate this. I.e. you need to respect your KD and his feelings as well IMHO if it is to work. It's really all about the child. If you want to talk more I can give you my email.

Be clear about what you want and if anything gives you pause or makes you uncomfortable then reconsider. It's a relationship you have to live with until your child is grown and it will evolve and change. Make sure that you can be honest and resolve problems too.

babyphat Thu 09-Jul-09 17:41:41

thanks very much. Leningrad, I've sent you a CAT. kayjayel and drivingmisscrazy, would love to ask more but don't want to put my email out there - would you mind allowing contact (on your settings) so I could CAT you? (you don't need to have paid the £5 for me to be able to contact you)

babyphat Thu 09-Jul-09 18:24:16

sorry, please ignore my last post, have just had a v helpful answer from LeninGrad which has answered all my questions and musings. DMC, your post also gave me food for thought. Thanks very much all

drivingmisscrazy Thu 09-Jul-09 19:01:44

babyphat - have changed my settings in case you want to CAT me - I know you've obviously had a great chat with Leningrad but it's always interesting to share experiences - especially given that here (we live in Ireland) we are quite unusual in having a KD and people are always a bit hmm about it. But only if you want to.

hester Thu 09-Jul-09 22:25:38

Glad you're sorted, babyphat. I also have a KD who has contact with dd weekly. Happy to talk more should you need/want to.

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