Am I gay?

(17 Posts)
sapphire54925 Mon 13-Jul-20 15:38:52

I've always been attracted to guys but every now and again I get random crushes on women. I'm a girly girl I guess (not into pink etc but I wear dresses and have long hair) and the women I have found myself attracted to are more masculine. So for example I've got a huge crush on my old teacher who I've not seen in 20 years Altho she's only actually about 10 years older than me as when I met her I was 15 as and she was early 20s. She had short (but not too short) blonde hair with glasses and wore baggy plain shirts and trousers every day. Everyone always guessed she was gay as she looks it. I just can't stop thinking about her over the last few months and I dream of her often. But I don't often feel this way about women, just here and there. It is mainly guys I like. So am I gay or what's going on

OP’s posts: |
SarahAndQuack Mon 13-Jul-20 19:42:42

Any reason you wouldn't think you're bi?

I would think if you're fantasising about someone you barely knew as an adult and haven't seen for years, it won't mean anything either way.

sapphire54925 Mon 13-Jul-20 19:43:27

I meant to write bi actually

OP’s posts: |
sapphire54925 Mon 13-Jul-20 20:20:48

So why am I randomly fantasising over her? Any ideas

OP’s posts: |
Mycatsmellsbad Mon 13-Jul-20 20:32:07

From a very young age I’ve always had crushes on either masculine women or effeminate men (kd lang, Julian clary etc) but never really thought about what it might mean. Due to circumstances I’ve only ever had heterosexual relationships but if I ever found myself single in the future I wouldn’t rule out a same sec relationship. Have you though how that might make you feel? Does it matter? If you fancy someone you fancy them. I would try not to get worked up by labelling whatever it is you’re feeling as I think once you’ve chosen whatever label you think applies to you the most you might ignore other feelings as they don’t ‘fit in’ to that category.

sapphire54925 Mon 13-Jul-20 20:38:23

I wouldn't rule out a same sex relationship if I was single and met someone and we clicked etc. Just never happened to me before and I can't stop thinking and dreaming about this teacher and I don't know why. It's not like I've suddenly seen her about as I haven't

OP’s posts: |
SarahAndQuack Mon 13-Jul-20 20:54:20

So why am I randomly fantasising over her? Any ideas

I would think because you're bored or frustrated about something in your life, and because fantasies about people we don't know/aren't in contact with are very 'safe'. It's not a real possibility; it never was - so your brain accepts this as an easy space to explore. It's like a fantasy about a celeb - it's totally routine.

IME usually that sort of fantasy dies out when you have something else going on in your life. Maybe you need to get out of your head a bit and date (or if you're in a relationship, work out if it's getting stale)?

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AMBE123 Tue 14-Jul-20 22:08:13

What made you start thinking about your old teacher, have you always nursed this crush, or did you suddenly dream about her or something?

I'd say it's probably not unusual to have a fantasy about someone who isn't actually in your life. And to be fair she does sound quite attractive (to me anyway!) . If you find you have more fantasies /crushes / dreams about more women and can look at someone in real life and imagine touching them, you could probably read into that that you are at least bisexual or bicurious.
Hope this helps somehow!

Spinnyspiney Sun 19-Jul-20 11:39:39

Only you can answer that question, but if you’re sexually attracted to women as well as men that would make you bi, or fluid or whatever it’s called these days!
For me being gay was easily, I was romantically and sexually attracted to only women but lots of people fall in between gay and straight. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

Branleuse Sun 19-Jul-20 12:02:03

sounds to me like youre bisexual

sapphire54925 Mon 20-Jul-20 17:54:28

@AMBE123 I started thinking about her as I have my old school Facebook page and she was in a staff photo posted there. Looks the same pretty much from what I could see.

And to everyone else yes I think I prob am bisexual. I tried telling my hubby this a while ago and he wasn't impressed so I backtracked and said I was confused. I don't know why I thought to tell him anyway as I'm not leaving him

OP’s posts: |
AMBE123 Mon 20-Jul-20 18:44:05

@sapphire54925

I think it is good to be able to be open with your partner, although it might be hard for them to hear and raise questions, it's important to be able to be your full self.
Does depend on the person though. Also if they are insecure you don't want them thinking they have to worry about female friends as well as male friends!
Definitely sounds like you are bi anyway, hope you are feeling ok about that :-)

My advice is that once you are comfortable in yourself with it, be as open as you can be with yourself and others, because it's a real pain trying to put it away in a box and then having to come out multiple times over your life to yourself and other people!

susan12345678 Wed 17-Mar-21 21:27:11

sapphire54925

*@AMBE123* I started thinking about her as I have my old school Facebook page and she was in a staff photo posted there. Looks the same pretty much from what I could see.

And to everyone else yes I think I prob am bisexual. I tried telling my hubby this a while ago and he wasn't impressed so I backtracked and said I was confused. I don't know why I thought to tell him anyway as I'm not leaving him

You shouldn't have to backtrack ANYTHING. You are bisexual and it's his problem if he's homophobic. You shouldn't have to hide it and pretend you're not just for him. Thats his problem

Emily5432 Wed 28-Apr-21 18:25:24

sapphire54925

I've always been attracted to guys but every now and again I get random crushes on women. I'm a girly girl I guess (not into pink etc but I wear dresses and have long hair) and the women I have found myself attracted to are more masculine. So for example I've got a huge crush on my old teacher who I've not seen in 20 years Altho she's only actually about 10 years older than me as when I met her I was 15 as and she was early 20s. She had short (but not too short) blonde hair with glasses and wore baggy plain shirts and trousers every day. Everyone always guessed she was gay as she looks it. I just can't stop thinking about her over the last few months and I dream of her often. But I don't often feel this way about women, just here and there. It is mainly guys I like. So am I gay or what's going on

Hello
I have a child that tels me the same.He went to a pshyhologist and everything changed.He helped him so much.He is now unshy and he haves many friends that are confused like him.I support him.If you want help I can tell you the contact of the pshyhologist.

colby777x Tue 22-Jun-21 18:41:29

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Imasoulman Wed 23-Jun-21 08:15:45

I don't think our sexuality is set in stone, it can be fluid.
I have only ever had relationships with women but as I get older I find myself getting curious about men.
Not really sure if it's age, loneliness or just a natural fluidity.
It's definitely something I would like to try but wouldn't have considered it a few years ago

Ingvermama Tue 20-Jul-21 07:05:53

Hi, I'm pretty similar to you I think, although I fancy lots of woman, always have done, and just a few men. I'm married. I have done lots of reading, about bisexuality and being a lesbian, I definitely identify as bisexual, and if I wasn't married I would be exploring a relationship with a woman, as I have questioned myself a lot over this, and feel it is what I naturally would prefer but I love my husband and children.

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