When to tell DC that Daddy is bisexual?

[Caracashiak]

I've always known DH is bisexual and it's not an issue for me. We're monogamous and committed for life. (Probably not something I need to point out here, but I'm always flabbergasted at the people who think that if you have a bisexual husband, you must have an open relationship 🙄)

I don't want it to be a secret from DC but I just can't seem to work out how to bring it up? DC are 3 and 1 and it's not like we discuss our sexual preferences or past relationships with them! The 3 year old knows that people can have 2 mummies or 2 daddies but that's as far as it goes.

I guess I also worry about them telling kids at school and getting teased for it (does this still happen?) Or them feeling worried that Daddy is about to go off with a man! I know that kids aren't very logical about it and I can understand how they might think it's a threat to their family unit.

What I also don't want is for it to be some kind of big reveal when they're teenagers or something and for it to feel like some family secret that is traumatic to have revealed to them. It's not a secret, all of our family and friends know about it and are fine with it (bar the religious great-grandparents who have been kept in the dark mostly for their own sakes!).

Help?

[Windyatthebeach]

Imo they really don't ever NEED to know. And it def isn't your place to tell them anyway!!

[WatchoutfortheROUS]

If you're monogamous why on earth would they ever need to know. Bizarre that you think they would need to!

[grafittiartist]

Why would it come up?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

I don't recall ever telling my dc that I am straight....So if me or dh were bi, then the same applies.

As long as your kids grow up knowing that it's equally as ok to be attracted to one sex as the other, and that regardless, monogomy is the ideal, then sexual preference of the parent is irrelevant.

Would you also tell them if you liked to swing? Or had specific fetishes? Or only have sex every third Thursday?

[Caracashiak]

Because it's just a fact? These things have a way of coming out at some point and it shouldn't be a secret. I don't want my kids to be shocked or feel like we've kept something from them. It's just a fact of life, one that no one we know has a problem with. Are you suggesting my husband stay in the closet from his kids forever? I was worried that keeping it a secret until they're grown-ups would be more traumatic for them.

[Destroyedpeople]

If you are monogamous and in it for life...why would they need to know?

Why would they get 'bullied'?

[frogsbreath]

You tell them just now

We can love whoever we want, when we're old enough to


Then, quite a lot lot older

You can have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, neither is wrong. Your father has had boyfriends (maybe girlfriends?) but he fell in love with me (you) and we made a family together. People often date others before finding the 'right' person for them. There's no harm in enjoying the journey or waiting til it feels right. Love is love, whoever you give it to.

The details, well kids don't want to know about their parents relationships

[AllsortsofAwkward]

Very odd thing to consider if you staying in a monogamous heterosexual relationship.

[OneJump]

I don't think you need to tell them anything unless it becomes an issue, i.e. You split up.

[Helenluvsrob]

Does it matter ?
If he never acts in it why do they need to know unless in the context of dad has both girlfriends and boyfriends before he decided to settle down with mum and that’s fine. That’ll come up maybe when they are late primary early teens and that’s not a particularly hard convo to have

[AllsortsofAwkward]

In the closest would be implying hes gay, that's not the case as hes in a heterosexual relationship with yourself. Hes sexuality had no reference to your situation as you're married unless he decided to have a relationship with a man.

[T0tallyFuckedUpFamily]

Another goady thread.

Yup. They’re in full fettle tonight.

[Caracashiak]

Honestly I've just posted in the LGBT parents forum hoping for advice from parents with experience of this, not abuse?

[Gallacia]

If he's in a monogamous relationship with you I don't see why it'd need to come uo

[Destroyedpeople]

Hundred per cent get I meant...

[OneJump]

They really don't need to know. Bring them up with love is love, tolerance etc but no kids wants to know details of their parent's sex lives.

[Destroyedpeople]

Hetero

[tiredandgrumpyx]

Why do you need to tell them really?

[T0tallyFuckedUpFamily]

Why does it even matter? Seriously. What an absolutely pointless discussion to have with your children. If he goes off with a man, then you discuss it.

[Porridgeoat]

You’re making a big deal of it and it’s not a big deal. Kids ask questions. They are likely to ask the names of previous girl fiends or boyfriends at some point. It can be part of a light relaxed conversation