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donor conceived daughter really sad dad not in her life

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peachypeachkissykiss · 26/11/2018 07:42

My wife and I conceived DD using donor sperm from USA in 2008. We are loving and attentive parents and DD is generally a happy and joyful kid. However, of late, DD is becoming increasingly upset & tearful that she doesn't have a dad that she knows and lives at home with us. She sees her friends dads and feels she is missing out. We keep reinforcing how much she is loved and that several families we know are not the traditional format but this doesn't really help her. She know's a fair bit about her Donor - photos, essay & other info and also know's that he has A LOT of donor conceived children. We are connected on Social Media with lots of her donor families and DD herself has online contact with some of her donor siblings which has become massively important to her.... Anyway it's 9 years until she is allowed to contact her biological father so what do can we do in the meantime to help her with the pain of not knowing him?? Any advice would be gratefully received.

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/11/2018 08:30

If he has a lot of other donor children; do you and your wife have contact with their parents? Are there any that are old enough to try and have contact, and is he responsive to that?

I'd be nervous of encouraging her "counting down" to meeting him if it's likely to be a let down - in all likelihood she will need to do it anyway; but I think I'd put the focus on other ways to make her feel a bit more "whole" in that case.

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peachypeachkissykiss · 26/11/2018 13:37

Thanks Anchor, yes we do have contact with the other parents but the oldest kid is only around 12 or 13 so a long while to go before they might try and contact the donor. We've been very frank with DD from the start that there is no guarantee that she'll ever be able to have any form of relationship with him especially since he has his own "proper" family (wife & 2 kids) to look after and if/when she contacts him he might not be able to be found or might not want to acknowledge his donor children. Instead we've encouraged DD to connect with her donor siblings which has been wonderful for her so far....