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Came out later in life with DCs...this affected our relationship

(6 Posts)
lostinnormandieland Mon 22-Jun-15 14:59:46

Hi I came out in my forties. My DD 10 is being very odd with me and I just came to the conclusion that she is most likely struggling with my new lesbian identity. She refuses to sleep over 2 nights a week. She is taking all the toys I bought out of her house and back to her dad's. Today she completely ignored me and did not say hello. I am going a big family event and she told me I should get some hair extensions and wear a dress. It really gets to me, I am not sure how to react and feel a failure of a mum.

lostinnormandieland Mon 22-Jun-15 16:38:54

not much LGBT action except any mum's in...
So joined a second livelier thread in relationship.
Come and post your stuff here regarding all kind of LGBT issues, it would be good to have a lively gay section!

Devora Mon 22-Jun-15 16:48:24

Hi OP, sorry to hear about this. I'm a lesbian mother with two dd, one nearly 10. I'll go to find your other thread.

Floundering Wed 01-Jul-15 08:16:51

47, when I came out, & DD was 12 so know the feeling. !

lostinnormandieland Thu 02-Jul-15 22:06:30

Floundering, what happened?

Floundering Tue 07-Jul-15 11:58:30

Sorry Lost ,mislaid the thread!

I was very unhappy in the marriage for a long time for various reasons, lots of counselling which he wasn't good with. Finally realised when talking to a gay friend who said she had suspected for a while but didn't want to influence me.

H took it very badly, (understandably) and 7 years on is still angry & bitter with me despite him having a new GF. it has affected his relationship with his DC's but mine & the kids relationship is stronger than ever.

I just told the kids the truth that although I would always love their Dad for being their father I had realised I couldn't make him happy & he deserved more as did I. Most kids want their parents back together at the beginning, but knowing this helped them accept it wasn't going to happen.

It did help that I didn't leave him for another woman, I had & have close friends for support but no relationship, and TBH that worked best for me as I was initially riddled with guilt.

Now the kids are older I am dipping my toe in the water & chatting to different people, if it happens it happens.

Would just like more of a gay social life in general as I live in a very isolated rural area (the only gay in the village type thing!!) So I'm working on that.

With your daughter I would keep the lines of communication open, make sure she knows she is loved and welcomed at your house and has a room there. Text & email her with chatty news of your days & asking after hers, and don't try and force a deep conversation about anything or force her to accept a new person in your life if there s one, until she is ready.

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