Advanced search

Came out later in life with DCs...this affected our relationship

(6 Posts)
lostinnormandieland Mon 22-Jun-15 14:59:46

Hi I came out in my forties. My DD 10 is being very odd with me and I just came to the conclusion that she is most likely struggling with my new lesbian identity. She refuses to sleep over 2 nights a week. She is taking all the toys I bought out of her house and back to her dad's. Today she completely ignored me and did not say hello. I am going a big family event and she told me I should get some hair extensions and wear a dress. It really gets to me, I am not sure how to react and feel a failure of a mum.

lostinnormandieland Mon 22-Jun-15 16:38:54

not much LGBT action except any mum's in...
So joined a second livelier thread in relationship.
Come and post your stuff here regarding all kind of LGBT issues, it would be good to have a lively gay section!

Devora Mon 22-Jun-15 16:48:24

Hi OP, sorry to hear about this. I'm a lesbian mother with two dd, one nearly 10. I'll go to find your other thread.

Floundering Wed 01-Jul-15 08:16:51

47, when I came out, & DD was 12 so know the feeling. !

lostinnormandieland Thu 02-Jul-15 22:06:30

Floundering, what happened?

Floundering Tue 07-Jul-15 11:58:30

Sorry Lost ,mislaid the thread!

I was very unhappy in the marriage for a long time for various reasons, lots of counselling which he wasn't good with. Finally realised when talking to a gay friend who said she had suspected for a while but didn't want to influence me.

H took it very badly, (understandably) and 7 years on is still angry & bitter with me despite him having a new GF. it has affected his relationship with his DC's but mine & the kids relationship is stronger than ever.

I just told the kids the truth that although I would always love their Dad for being their father I had realised I couldn't make him happy & he deserved more as did I. Most kids want their parents back together at the beginning, but knowing this helped them accept it wasn't going to happen.

It did help that I didn't leave him for another woman, I had & have close friends for support but no relationship, and TBH that worked best for me as I was initially riddled with guilt.

Now the kids are older I am dipping my toe in the water & chatting to different people, if it happens it happens.

Would just like more of a gay social life in general as I live in a very isolated rural area (the only gay in the village type thing!!) So I'm working on that.

With your daughter I would keep the lines of communication open, make sure she knows she is loved and welcomed at your house and has a room there. Text & email her with chatty news of your days & asking after hers, and don't try and force a deep conversation about anything or force her to accept a new person in your life if there s one, until she is ready.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now