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my new steps... ex partners child..

(12 Posts)
Gunner172 Fri 07-Mar-14 20:24:36

this could be long and for that I do apologise.. im slightly still upset... searched google....registered here for advice .... and here I am.. hi all..

ok abit of background ...

met partner in 2008... partner moved into my house with her 5 month old girl... we have civil partnership and im step mummy... ( tho I was the main mother) I did the feeds, hospital trips.. providing food and clothes.. bathing, playing, loving her , teaching her etc and worked full time while my beautiful wife would sleep in... spend my money... play football ( even tho I did too), throw parties that I cleaned up after while I usually was left holding the baby... my wife decided life was hard and left in 2010.... left me with her daughter for 9 weeks tho she claims 7 ( yes I know, like it matters)
I carried on working , sorting child care , she turned up twice in the 9 weeks both drunk to see me... not her little girl who was 2 by then and wasn't even asking about her..( bare in mind in these 9 weeks I got little girl off dummies, bottle at bedtimes and even dry of nappies around work on my own) both times got violent with me.. police attended.. removed her.. she grovelled come back.. silly me said yes... lasted a year to the day she came back and that was it.. over again.. this time for good..

so 2011 we are over and little girl doesn't want to leave my house or me.. she called us both mummy and I was happy remain that way..
I also knew I needed get myself a life away from my 'mates' who chose party girl ex over loyalty.

I worked and seen little girl at times 3-4 nights a week some weeks it would be 1 night and few eves.. I moved on and dated someone who basically said stop being mug to her and letting her play and use ur feeling to little girl..
I have ex throw me allsorts.. usual tactics little girl wants see you... come round... im going away for a week.. have little girl for me... silly me did and then two days later discover she didn't leave our town or her house and tried mug me off with little girl so she could go out..
I have bit my tongue for the last 2-3 years just to see little girl.. I have loaned my ex money and not ad back..lost relationship to new partner cos my ex rang over stupid petty things re sky.

fast forward to now.. 2014.. little girl was 6 and on her bday I had drop cake off at ex house cos she didn't go shop to get one!!! I as always buy uniform, new clothes, wash her clothes ( she usually a state when I pick her up ) I clip her nails cos ex obv doesn't know they need doing ever!! I do what mums do and look after her and provide..on my own. I don't get benefits for her. ex does... yet spends on herself. she has new partner and I don't hear much from her other than sky wants c u,, sky asking when u having her... even tho I now have her each sunday and overnight.. it ticks me off how evenlast week I spent £200 on school shoes as hers had holes in soles.. I got her outfits etc and TODAY!!! WELL .... I get a text saying don't message me again or see sky ...
I think her new gf has something to do with it. tho cant prove.. neither of them work and only sunday little girl was crying saying she didn't want go home.. she never does all I hear since she was 3 is I want to live with you... you clean me, you do my homework with me...you talk to me and not shout..

what can I do legally... I have no PR on this child.. I possibly have some rights from civil partnership. but not enough.

I had planned wait til girl was 8 and go court over residency but now I cant even do that.

I know little girls asks from Monday tea when is it sunday..or she rings me to see if im free in the week .

im not 30 yet and never wanted children but I stepped up as it was blatant no one else wanted to as far as this little baby was concerned.

I work part time and im a full time university student but I would raise her on my own if I could... because tbh I have done it with and without her lazy mother in my bed.!

there is a 'sperm donor' on her BC who I met back in 2009 when she gave up her two other girls to him... yes what a wonderful person I picked hey!!

do I have any chance in fighting this sham of a mother?

RandomMess Fri 07-Mar-14 20:28:29

I think you can still apply to the courts for a contact order to be made?

armsinjumpers Sun 09-Mar-14 21:45:50

Yes, apply to the court for a contact order. You will have the opportunity to put your views before the court and they will adjudicate as to what's in the child's best interests.

Gunner172 Mon 10-Mar-14 23:57:19

Won't they just take natural mothers word and lies though? Didn't see her this weekend it it broke my heart

fideline Tue 11-Mar-14 00:03:00

Did you acquire PR?

(You seem to have accidentally named your SDD a few times in the OP BTW)

fideline Tue 11-Mar-14 00:05:51

Sorry- you have said no PR.

Step-parents can apply for contact and Cafcass will prepare reports if necessary. What have you got to lose?

BTW what is the significance of age 8? As in applying for residence when she is 8?

Gunner172 Tue 11-Mar-14 00:08:03

I assumed 8 was the age courts listen to what they want. And yes I know.. My bad lol
I don't have pr I think she seen me as a meal ticket and mug for providing for her only 6 years on and I'm still attached to child as she is with me and ex doesn't care who she hurts along her freeloading way.

Tony121 Tue 11-Mar-14 00:09:01

Start keeping a journal/log of all this with dates and times and what needed to be done for your little girl. It will help if you do go to court. Im sure when it suits your ex she'll want you to be mummy again. Just play it cool, keep records and start seeking legal advice about making your roll official.

fideline Tue 11-Mar-14 00:12:38

She does sound a bit of a shocker. You do need to calm down though.

Then book yourself an initial appt with a family law specialist (free half hour). You need professional advice.

The courts will be interested in your SDDs best interests. I guess the extent to which you can prove your caring role will matter. Can you prove it?

Gunner172 Tue 11-Mar-14 00:17:48

U can prove most of providing with reciepts for clothes uniforms etc. Past history with police is logged anyway. She gave up two kids and doesn't see then may help me. I have friends family who could support this and she doesn't speak to her family anymore.i do get child beneift in my name and I have documents passport etc as I take her on holidays paid for on my own. I will get a notepad tomorrow and log dates events etc

Gunner172 Tue 11-Mar-14 00:20:14

As for caring It will be both words but how can I prove it is me. For the last 6 years i have been sole provider and I'm the only one who seems to spend time with her.

fideline Tue 11-Mar-14 00:20:14

Doesn't sound like a lost cause at all.

Might be worth posting in Legal, but ultimately you need to consult a solicitor.

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