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Big mess up!!

(10 Posts)
Hello01 Sat 24-Aug-13 00:21:42


I've joined the forum in search of advice.

Basically, I've been in an on/off lesbian relationship for 3 years. Recently, we had a very big off. I'm talking nearly a year...despite living together, still loving each other etc.

Well...I don't really know what came over me. Probably fed up of feeling rejected. However I ended up with a man one night and we hooked up a couple more times.

Despite protection, I was comoletely paranoid in July that I was pregnant from this. Test said negative and I had what seemed to be a normal cycle.

The last couple of days however, I couldn't shift that feeling. My hair has been extra greasy, I've been feeling bloated, tired, nauseous and I realised I was about 4 days late for my cycle. Low and behold, a test at 7pm proved to be very positive.

Now...I could be anything from 6 to 10 weeks really, if my maths is right.

The only thing is, my relationship got back on track. I know people say new life can bring a couple together, but how does that work when the other half openly says they hate children.

To top things off, I'm a mature student who works 40 hours a week in favour of the course.

I guess what I'm asking for is reassurance that this situation is 'doable'. I've always wanted children. I'm almost certain I couldn't choose to end this life.

But I am so torn as to how I'm going to approach ANYONE about this. Even my medical records say lesbian these days to stop them asking the 'could you be pregnant' question.

Rant over. I'm sorry! Rah! X

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 24-Aug-13 00:24:30




OK... let's start with the most important thing, how do you feel about having children?

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 24-Aug-13 00:25:43

Oh sorry, it was a lot to take in, I've just re-read it and seen the bit about you always wanting children.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 24-Aug-13 00:28:01

You don't need to give The Medical Profession a second thought. Lots of lesbian women get pregnant - though admittedly, it's usually a tad more planned being that bit more difficult grin

What does your partner know about this time in your life? Does she know you were seeing someone else? Does she know you had sex with someone else? Does she know it was a man?

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 24-Aug-13 00:28:54

Where did you see your relationship ending up if you wanted children and she hates children?

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 24-Aug-13 00:32:56

I think first of all you have to decide whether you want to keep the baby or not - 100%. This may mean going it alone and losing your partner. I say that because I don't think you should be swayed by her because if you have a termination if it's what she wants, I can't see how you wouldn't resent her for it and that would kill your relationship in time.

Hello01 Sat 24-Aug-13 00:57:11

Big shit!

I feel strange about how I feel. I always imagined myself seeing a test and being elated or thinking it was the end of my life (I had experimented with men in the past but never experienced pregnancy scares).

I think deep down I've known for a while so to me it didn't matter what that stick said. Heck I can't do my work trousers up anymore! This isn't something I'm going to be able to hide for long.

I say she hates children...that's what she says. But when I see her with kids, my heart melts. She's adorable. She's said shed have kids but not for like another 10 years.

I certainly wouldn't have a termination because she said so.

And as for the medical profession - that's what I'm a student of! I should know better. I know I have my career to think of, but my dates work out just right to ensure I can still qualify in time. Where I go from there though...

I guess this means a trip to the GP...!!

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 24-Aug-13 15:47:33

I guess it does!

Are you going to tell her so that she can go with you?

It's hard to know what to say, without knowing if she knows you were seeing anyone (and seeing a man at that) or not, but I really really hope it works out for you (all).

BangOn Tue 10-Sep-13 21:04:56

I think you have to believe what she's showing you, just as you would if she was a man who was adamant about not wanting kids. Your heart may melt when you see her with them, but if she's not feeling the same, it's just never going to work.

You can raise this baby alone, if that's what you are determined to do. Won't be easy but it'll be a whole lot easier than battling to keep someone who's been talked into it and also dealing with being a new parent.

I think you need to be straight with her & lay it on the line, with no prssure on her to be in any way involved.

Buchanon08 Fri 20-Sep-13 18:13:15

Hmm, does this man want to be an active father?

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