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So confused, in love with both male and female

19 replies

friendsorlovers · 13/07/2013 00:13

I have been very happily married for 16 years and until recently had never entertained the idea of feeling attracted to a woman. However after a very drunken night with friend and her husband we all ended up in bed together. we stayed with respective partners having sex but I kissed my friend lots.

All seemed fine after and it was like a bizarre dream, but ever since I have had strong feelings for my friend, in fact I would say I am in love with her and she is with me. We are very attracted to one another and have taken things further on our own since.

Our husbands are aware we have feelings towards one another but not to the extent and know that we are curious. My husband is very keen for another 4 or 3 some but both me and friend realise we wouldn't now like to see each other with our husbands.

I still love and fancy my husband very much but he is struggling, rightly so with me being attracted to a woman. He changes his mind daily as to whether he would mind me doing anything with her or not. He thinks if we just go the whole way it will be out of our system and we will go back to the way it was.

I am so torn at the moment between doing the right thing which would be to stop seeing her completely and carrying on and lying to my husband.

If anyone can help me sort this mess out I would be grateful. I never thought I would cheat on my husband and I would never cheat on him with a man, but this feels so right at the same time as being wrong. neither me or my friend wants to leave our husbands and children, but we do want to be more than just friends :(

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Corkyandviolet · 19/07/2013 00:05

Hiya!

First things first - I am really sorry to see you have had no replies to this, it must have been very disheartening for you. This section doesn't really get much traffic, which is a shame.

So many of the threads in this section are about this problem, it's incredibly common. There's one titled "feeling guilty" (which I also answered), the woman's circumstances are different from yours but the basic dilemma is the same: Should she do what she feels is her duty, and deny herself what she really wants, or should she go with her desires?

How exactly does the woman you are seeing feel about the situation? Is she feeling the same guilt as you? All relationships start off with the couple feeling really passionate and then everything eventually calming down. Do you think this might happen, after which you can move on? I think the real potential problem is if one of you eventually wants to end it but the other doesn't, that could cause absolute catastrophe if one or both of you ends up angry and bitter. I can't help feeling that if you're still at the stage where you could end this without causing too much heartbreak and devastation, then you should get out of it now, before your husband finds out.

And now, the most useful advice yet: Copy and paste your original posting and post it in the thread "am I being unreasonable?" Within minutes you will have umpteen answers, and over the next few days you'll probably have hundreds of replies. Your post will probably spark a massive debate which will help you see things from every angle. Best of luck, I hope you are still checking your post for answers and will see this! X