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Bisexual mums

(36 Posts)
Monitors Sun 10-Mar-13 20:57:33

Hi there
Not sure if this is the right place.
Was wondering if there were any other mums in my situation, living with their husbands and thinking about other women. I've had some romantic relationships in the past with women and chose to marry and have kids but am bisexual and wanted to share it somehow with like minded mums..

pippagockelen Mon 15-Aug-16 12:08:29

what is a zombie thread????sorry!

pippagockelen Mon 15-Aug-16 12:07:22

im in exactly the same situation and its very confusing.

MissBeaHaving Sat 13-Aug-16 19:00:11

Hi Pippa,this a zombie thread (very old )

Start a new one on this topic as more posters will see it & respond.

pippagockelen Sat 13-Aug-16 18:57:09

am 36 married and bi need talk to people same boat as me

Meetmebythewillowtree Wed 27-May-15 21:11:40

I'm in the same situation. Married 10 years, 2 dc. I used to have flings with both men and women before settling down with dh. I feel like I put all of those feelings for women into a box and left them there for years. I'm in Ireland and since the marriage equality thing last week it feels like a lid has lifted of the box. I found myself crying while sitting at home with dh and dc seeing all of these people out celebrating. I wanted to be there too. I remembered how I was part of that world and so have been struggling these past few days. Until then while I did think of women I mainly tried to squash any thoughts as I don't want to be unfaithful. It is a stupid situation, having to choose if you are bi. Glad I've found this thread. Everyone I know now seems so very heterosexual!

SeptemberCat Thu 23-Apr-15 14:44:31

Monitors I share some of your feelings and circumstances. I've been with my husband faithfully for nearly 20 years and have enduring love and affection as well as occasional passion for him (two kids and jobs make for a continuous and very unerotic state of fatigue!). I was bi-curious before that is to say around the age of 20, but lacked confidence to pursue it too far so lack the experience you have. I've strangely only just come out to myself as bisexual and realised that despite having many LGBT persons among intimate family and friends I have subjected myself to decades of bi-erasure probably by mistaking my inclination as a threat to monogamy and dismissing my early experiences as irrelevant experiments. Baffling but there it is! I'm still mulling over all this in private but I'm interested in finding others to talk to.

Hannahpajamas Thu 25-Sep-14 10:16:42

I feel for you, when I was in uni a flatmate kept pushing me for a threesome. I didn't indulge her, but it put the idea in my head. I would walk past a woman on the street and think "nice top" or whatever, and then catch myself thinking about her underwear...which was when I started fantasising about women when I played with myself.
Anyway I kept it to myself, met my now DH in my final year. Last summer, I went on a holiday with my best friend, just as I discovered I was pregnant. She's always been a bit upfront, we got onto DH's bits and she asked whether it was more like a banana or a cucumber...which was doing strange things to me! Anyway we ended up on the bed, not with each other just alone. We've done that a few times since, and on the phone to each other. Her DH is aware and is cool (and blissfully discreet) but mine isn't. I'm ashamed and confused and I want to take things further but don't dare. Think about it a lot and every time I'm intimate with DH blush

mummytotwo14 Wed 24-Sep-14 12:54:32

Hey anyone still around? X

Monitors Wed 06-Aug-14 16:38:13

i'm around and pretty lonely with this issue still..don't have a good answer for you :-)

funfriend Sun 15-Jun-14 11:03:26

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SuddenRealisation Tue 27-May-14 23:40:44


SuddenRealisation Tue 27-May-14 21:17:53

Any of you ladies still around?
I've been looking for a thread like this. Also in the same situation..
I have another thread where it's all explained.
In short, married almost 10 years, 3 DC, used to be a lesbian then fell for my husband.
Keep thinking about being with a woman lately confused

Thants Tue 22-Oct-13 21:44:50

Boxhillbessy. Do you never want to be in a relationship where you live with your gf? I'm so surprised you dh wanted to share you!
I'm bi but not a mum yet. I have been with my bf for 7 years and I do fantasise about being with women again. I love my partner though and don't want to hurt him or cheat, I only want him. I can see how difficult it must be for some of you, I think speaking to partners about it is important.

Loveis Tue 22-Oct-13 21:33:34

Hi - I've left my H to be with a woman as the love was so strong and intense and I'd grown apart from my ex. I had never had any encounters with women before or had any feelings and was totally shocked by the switch. I don't feel I'm gay at all, I just happened to have fallen for a woman. I haven't told my DCs yet but feel the time is coming as ex has been telling everyone about me "running off with a woman" so I need to say something before someone else does. Any advice?

oreoaddict Wed 28-Aug-13 14:19:03

Hi smile

Well I'm not anti labelling, but then at the same time, I wouldn't necessarily say I was bi either......even though I'm with a woman for the first time.

I'm 29, have a 6 yr old dd and I was with her dad for nearly 10 years. I always knew I was attracted to certain women, but it wasn't very often and I honestly thought that overall, I was straight. It was just something I pushed to the back of my mind, but no big deal.

About 2 years a go, I explained to my ex that I was thinking about being with a woman a lot and I started getting a lot of female attention, which I really enjoyed and it excited me if I'm being honest. I must have been giving off some kind of vibe. Anyway, me and my ex really weren't right for each other and eventually we broke up. We would have broke up eventually anyway, but meeting 'her' pushed me to do the right thing.

I didn't have an affair, I waiting til after I ended things with him before getting physical with her.

I remember being quite nervous beforehand, but all that disappeared very quickly and it just felt so natural. It was just electric, honestly. I'm not sure if it's cos I'm more sexually compatible with a woman, or just because it's the first time I've been in love, which I honestly didn't realise before meeting her. All I can say, is that the sex is completely amazing and still is.

We've been together for almost a year now. I'm not saying it's been easy. We've faced a fair amount of prejudice, one incident even ending up physical, but it's more than worth it. People, men specifically, seem to have a problem with us being a couple. They can't seem to get their heads around the fact that we're not the traditional/stereotypical lesbian couple. We're both very feminine and I've had comments such as "you're too hot to be a lesser" angry charming! They're just idiots and assume that we're showing each other affection for their pleasure. Makes me so angry sometimes, but I have to try and ignore it.

I wouldn't suggest that everyone who has been attracted to women, but is in a relationship with a man, should necessarily act on it. I wasn't in the right relationship and I luckily found my soul mate, which is something I never believed in before meeting her, but I would urge anyone thinking about acting out their fantasy, to think about the potential consequences. If you're really happy in your existing relationship, I would recommend you just leave it as a fantasy. Just as you would if you were considering acting out your fantasy with another man. It is well known that when I woman becomes attracted to another woman, the feelings can be so intense and difficult to shake and that woman might be completely wrong for you. Of course, on the other hand, it could be the best decision you ever make.

If anyone is just struggling with their feelings, then feel free to pm me. I struggled for a fair while and I can completely relate. I also understand how much harder it is to come to terms with when you're a mum. I felt guilty for a long time, but luckily DD loves my girlfriend to pieces and the feeling's very much mutual.

Samb123 Wed 21-Aug-13 20:56:10

My partner left her husband for me. She has three children with him and we have a daughter together now.

BoxHillBessy Thu 15-Aug-13 16:42:05

I had a sort of solution. When I married my ex, he knew about my girlfriend. My relationship with her continued throughout my marriage it was separate but along side it. I did not want a threesome or to share either. I have been with my girlfriend over 15 years ,she is my daughters godmother. My daughter knows we have a relationship and that I sometimes stay there. My marriage finishing was not related to this.

VictoryRolls Sat 29-Jun-13 17:03:07

When you find a solution please share it on here :-)

CurlyClare Mon 17-Jun-13 22:51:09

congratulations on the pregnancy, I wish my dh would listen to my girl on girl fantasies, it might make it a bit moRe bearable! knowing he understood a bit moRe, he just likes to pretend I'm not bi as his biggest fear is that I'll leave him for a woman as that is the only thing he can't provide! it's such a tough predicament to be in! I wish someone had a solution!

BangOn Fri 14-Jun-13 20:56:36

No, I think love has to be reciprocal & i've no reason to think she feels that way about me. except wishful thinking!

Gosh, yes having a 4 month old must be a real passion killer,even without the added complication of being bi & craving a woman. I'm pregnant at the moment & we've barely been intimate since this baby was conceived. mind you, our sex life has pretty much been fuelled by me telling him my lesbian fantasies for the past year anyway. hot but leaves me unfulfilled.

CurlyClare Sun 02-Jun-13 23:34:27

BangOn do you think you're in love with this woman? My strongest feelings ever were for a woman, the connection was intense and the excitement immeasurable! I think about her a lot and think that excitement and connection is what I miss the most. My husband and I are on the same wavelength in other ways but excitement is hard to come by as it's hard to be adventurous with a 4 month old, so I think that compounds my missing women at the minute, it's so hard, really wish sometimes I could have just either been gay or straight, wanting both is unbearable at times, having to forsake one for the other

BangOn Sun 02-Jun-13 08:32:33

I understand completely about the intimacy of being with a woman. Not that I've ever been fortunate enough to try it, but just being around the woman i'm hot for at the moment is incredible. I don't think it'll ever go anywhere though, sadly. I'm not in love with my husband, but i think her relationship with her dp is solid. They've also just had a baby. Although i still feel as though she's dropping hints, it could be that she's just like that with most people.

CurlyClare Fri 31-May-13 23:35:23

Yeah monitors I think I could have, once I'd told my family and friends. only my husband and best friend know I'm bi at present and I feel like I want to come out, I want people to know who I really am. I feel like I'd like a friend with benefits. Best of both worlds. I'm struggling to comprehend never being with a woman again :-(

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