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Bisexual mums

(36 Posts)
Monitors Sun 10-Mar-13 20:57:33

Hi there
Not sure if this is the right place.
Was wondering if there were any other mums in my situation, living with their husbands and thinking about other women. I've had some romantic relationships in the past with women and chose to marry and have kids but am bisexual and wanted to share it somehow with like minded mums..

kerrics Thu 09-May-13 12:16:08


I've just nervously posted for the first time as I think I might be bisexual, or at least sexually attracted to women but I've never had relationships of any kind with women. I'd be interested in your experiences, as in how you made the decisions you did and what effect it has on your family.



BangOn Sun 19-May-13 21:58:33

Yes, I'm in a similar situation. Didn't realise i could be emotionally and physically attracted to another woman until i'd been married a few years & had had two kids. then i met 'her' & things have been very strange ever since. i think the attraction's fairly mutual but she holds back a lot for complex reasons i won't go into here, but it's all bubbling away under the surface. Hope that's in some way helpful!

Monitors Mon 20-May-13 22:56:21

It's quite a complex thing, the effect it has on my family...
Initially I married my husband because I found him very attractive and I fell in love with him. Now I feel that I love him but am less attracted to him (could also be the 10 years together :-) ), and am constantly looking at women, thinking about other women, and holding back not to act on it but finding it very hard, and can't explain to him. Feel free to ask me anything, not sure if i'd answered your questions.

CurlyClare Wed 29-May-13 12:39:37

hi I am in a very similar situation, I've been with my husband 7 years married 2 years and have just had my first son, he's 4 months old. I've always known I liked women and have had a few sexual encounters with women but miss it dearly and feel very trapped at the moment. I love my son to bits and I think I love my husband but I am bored and want more. I want the different energy you get when you're with a women, I've asked my husband about a threesome but he's not interested. I feel like any chance of me having a relationship with a women has passed now I've got my son. Although I know I don't want to get to my death bed and regret not being with a women again, but I don't want to hurt my husband. I don't know whether I'd have the courage to leave him and would worry about my son being bullied if I left his dad for a women. Also I'd have to come out to my family, only my best friend and husband know at the minute! Monitors does your husband know you're bi?

HerrenaHarridan Wed 29-May-13 21:34:41

smile My ex (dds dad) knew from the start that I had been with both and openly said in general women are more attractive.

It was very difficult for me to commit to him as he was not into the idea of threesomes either.

I came to terms with never tasting pussy again, in the same way i assume straight people come to terms with never sleeping with anyone other than dp.

When I knew that me and exps relationship was done I just kept thinking 'well, there is one upside' grin

VictoryRolls Thu 30-May-13 13:50:32

I completely get where you are coming from, its a difficult situation to put into words! I was an out and proud lesbian until, completely by surprize, I became attracted to a male friend. We fell in love,and nearly 3yrs on we have a 7month old. Its so difficult reconciling feelings, and a predominant attraction to women, with being in a straight relationship and being a mum. I also find that theres no place for us in the LGBTQ community, which is hard given I am not entirely comfortable in the normal 'hetrosexual mums' groups in my area.

TiggerWearsATriteSmile Thu 30-May-13 17:25:14

Plan a big meet up, imagine the fun ;)

Sorry OP, a little joke to myself there.

What do you want to share exactly?
Does your DH know how you feel?

VictoryRolls Thu 30-May-13 21:22:34

In all seriousness, a group for lovely ladies in our situation should be started, that way theres support out there without judgement etc :-)

Monitors Thu 30-May-13 22:22:46

My husband knows about my lesbian past (so as my parents and everyone around me, i never kept it a secret, and lived with a woman for 2 years). What he doesn't know is that it's still going on in my mind..It had disappeared for a long time and it's just getting louder. I don't know what to share exactly but i feel that i'm living with a big secret, can't share it with people around me and it's hard. I also know that I wouldn't like to leave my husband and live with a woman instead. I'm torn between the two. Threesome won't be an option for me, it isn't like the intimacy and excitement of being with a woman alone. It's an emotional thing, not enough just to have the mechanical sex. Curlycurl, if not for hurting your husband do you think you could have gone to live with a woman and be content for many years?

TiggerWearsATriteSmile Fri 31-May-13 18:26:53

So, your DH thinks its in your past.
You would like sex or a relationship of some sorts with a woman.

Are you looking for a friend with benefits and not tell your DH anything?

CurlyClare Fri 31-May-13 23:35:23

Yeah monitors I think I could have, once I'd told my family and friends. only my husband and best friend know I'm bi at present and I feel like I want to come out, I want people to know who I really am. I feel like I'd like a friend with benefits. Best of both worlds. I'm struggling to comprehend never being with a woman again :-(

BangOn Sun 02-Jun-13 08:32:33

I understand completely about the intimacy of being with a woman. Not that I've ever been fortunate enough to try it, but just being around the woman i'm hot for at the moment is incredible. I don't think it'll ever go anywhere though, sadly. I'm not in love with my husband, but i think her relationship with her dp is solid. They've also just had a baby. Although i still feel as though she's dropping hints, it could be that she's just like that with most people.

CurlyClare Sun 02-Jun-13 23:34:27

BangOn do you think you're in love with this woman? My strongest feelings ever were for a woman, the connection was intense and the excitement immeasurable! I think about her a lot and think that excitement and connection is what I miss the most. My husband and I are on the same wavelength in other ways but excitement is hard to come by as it's hard to be adventurous with a 4 month old, so I think that compounds my missing women at the minute, it's so hard, really wish sometimes I could have just either been gay or straight, wanting both is unbearable at times, having to forsake one for the other

BangOn Fri 14-Jun-13 20:56:36

No, I think love has to be reciprocal & i've no reason to think she feels that way about me. except wishful thinking!

Gosh, yes having a 4 month old must be a real passion killer,even without the added complication of being bi & craving a woman. I'm pregnant at the moment & we've barely been intimate since this baby was conceived. mind you, our sex life has pretty much been fuelled by me telling him my lesbian fantasies for the past year anyway. hot but leaves me unfulfilled.

CurlyClare Mon 17-Jun-13 22:51:09

congratulations on the pregnancy, I wish my dh would listen to my girl on girl fantasies, it might make it a bit moRe bearable! knowing he understood a bit moRe, he just likes to pretend I'm not bi as his biggest fear is that I'll leave him for a woman as that is the only thing he can't provide! it's such a tough predicament to be in! I wish someone had a solution!

VictoryRolls Sat 29-Jun-13 17:03:07

When you find a solution please share it on here :-)

BoxHillBessy Thu 15-Aug-13 16:42:05

I had a sort of solution. When I married my ex, he knew about my girlfriend. My relationship with her continued throughout my marriage it was separate but along side it. I did not want a threesome or to share either. I have been with my girlfriend over 15 years ,she is my daughters godmother. My daughter knows we have a relationship and that I sometimes stay there. My marriage finishing was not related to this.

Samb123 Wed 21-Aug-13 20:56:10

My partner left her husband for me. She has three children with him and we have a daughter together now.

oreoaddict Wed 28-Aug-13 14:19:03

Hi smile

Well I'm not anti labelling, but then at the same time, I wouldn't necessarily say I was bi either......even though I'm with a woman for the first time.

I'm 29, have a 6 yr old dd and I was with her dad for nearly 10 years. I always knew I was attracted to certain women, but it wasn't very often and I honestly thought that overall, I was straight. It was just something I pushed to the back of my mind, but no big deal.

About 2 years a go, I explained to my ex that I was thinking about being with a woman a lot and I started getting a lot of female attention, which I really enjoyed and it excited me if I'm being honest. I must have been giving off some kind of vibe. Anyway, me and my ex really weren't right for each other and eventually we broke up. We would have broke up eventually anyway, but meeting 'her' pushed me to do the right thing.

I didn't have an affair, I waiting til after I ended things with him before getting physical with her.

I remember being quite nervous beforehand, but all that disappeared very quickly and it just felt so natural. It was just electric, honestly. I'm not sure if it's cos I'm more sexually compatible with a woman, or just because it's the first time I've been in love, which I honestly didn't realise before meeting her. All I can say, is that the sex is completely amazing and still is.

We've been together for almost a year now. I'm not saying it's been easy. We've faced a fair amount of prejudice, one incident even ending up physical, but it's more than worth it. People, men specifically, seem to have a problem with us being a couple. They can't seem to get their heads around the fact that we're not the traditional/stereotypical lesbian couple. We're both very feminine and I've had comments such as "you're too hot to be a lesser" angry charming! They're just idiots and assume that we're showing each other affection for their pleasure. Makes me so angry sometimes, but I have to try and ignore it.

I wouldn't suggest that everyone who has been attracted to women, but is in a relationship with a man, should necessarily act on it. I wasn't in the right relationship and I luckily found my soul mate, which is something I never believed in before meeting her, but I would urge anyone thinking about acting out their fantasy, to think about the potential consequences. If you're really happy in your existing relationship, I would recommend you just leave it as a fantasy. Just as you would if you were considering acting out your fantasy with another man. It is well known that when I woman becomes attracted to another woman, the feelings can be so intense and difficult to shake and that woman might be completely wrong for you. Of course, on the other hand, it could be the best decision you ever make.

If anyone is just struggling with their feelings, then feel free to pm me. I struggled for a fair while and I can completely relate. I also understand how much harder it is to come to terms with when you're a mum. I felt guilty for a long time, but luckily DD loves my girlfriend to pieces and the feeling's very much mutual.

Loveis Tue 22-Oct-13 21:33:34

Hi - I've left my H to be with a woman as the love was so strong and intense and I'd grown apart from my ex. I had never had any encounters with women before or had any feelings and was totally shocked by the switch. I don't feel I'm gay at all, I just happened to have fallen for a woman. I haven't told my DCs yet but feel the time is coming as ex has been telling everyone about me "running off with a woman" so I need to say something before someone else does. Any advice?

Thants Tue 22-Oct-13 21:44:50

Boxhillbessy. Do you never want to be in a relationship where you live with your gf? I'm so surprised you dh wanted to share you!
I'm bi but not a mum yet. I have been with my bf for 7 years and I do fantasise about being with women again. I love my partner though and don't want to hurt him or cheat, I only want him. I can see how difficult it must be for some of you, I think speaking to partners about it is important.

SuddenRealisation Tue 27-May-14 21:17:53

Any of you ladies still around?
I've been looking for a thread like this. Also in the same situation..
I have another thread where it's all explained.
In short, married almost 10 years, 3 DC, used to be a lesbian then fell for my husband.
Keep thinking about being with a woman lately confused

SuddenRealisation Tue 27-May-14 23:40:44


funfriend Sun 15-Jun-14 11:00:29

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