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I hate fathers day

(13 Posts)
singarainbow Wed 15-Jun-11 21:37:18

My soon to be 8yo DD went to Brownies on Monday. We knew they were doing "fathers day activities", and she was happy to go, (we used same anon donor for all 3 kids). We asked if she wanted us to speak to the leaders (who already know we are a lesbian family, but not about there being no dad), and she said she was happy to speak to them herself.

So off she went. She came home with a bag full of "top dad" "best dad" "no. 1 dad" gifts she had made. When asked why did she not just make them for her uncle or grandad (which is what 4 yo DS did at school) she replied that she hadn't spoke to the leaders, her friend told them DD has no dad, and they said she can give them to whoever she wants.

I am really annoyed firstly at us, for listening to her and not speaking to them first. We listened to a 7 year old, and we know better.

Secondly, could they not have made it easier for any kids without a dad to make ambigious stuff, all the stuf was obviously pre-printed from the computer, or craft packs with the words already made?

I am possibly being over sensitive, but feel like we let her down. I want to speak to them to highlight how excluded the kids without dads may feel, and probably will.

Just venting really.

drivingmisscrazy Wed 15-Jun-11 22:36:48

I can't see why the Brownies group can't simply say: we are going to make father's day cards etc today; you can give what you make to your own daddy, or to another daddy that you are close to. She surely can't be the only kid there who has no dad?

I'm afraid you are right that you can't leave this stuff to her - but perhaps she wanted to let you find this out?

Was she upset by what happened? She is probably just at the point where she is learning to negotiate the difference of her family and doesn't always want it to be an issue?

Forgive me if I am all wrong about this - my DD is only 2 and a bit, although she is starting to notice how families are configured.

singarainbow Wed 15-Jun-11 22:41:55

She didn't seem at all upset, she was far more proud to show off what she made, she didn't appear to care that she was giving her uncle a "top dad" mobile holder, she just loves making stuff.

Irksome Wed 15-Jun-11 22:44:11

Meh, that's annoying but to be honest it's what I'd expect of Brownies... it's the kind of thing they're all about.

Ditch the Brownies!

singarainbow Wed 15-Jun-11 22:48:20

lol @ Irksome.....I agree with you, but she loves it.

I hate brownies, even before this crap! I got thrown out when I was a kid, no joke...I was caught kissing the sprite sixer!! (this was the final straw)

Irksome Wed 15-Jun-11 22:50:07

see we ditched Rainbows because of the endless bloody church parades...never got as far as Brownies, even.

drivingmisscrazy Wed 15-Jun-11 22:51:50

lol; I got thrown out of guides for a similar misdemeanour singarainbow!

pfbornot Wed 15-Jun-11 22:57:16

Seems that it isn't your DD's fault - the reason she didn't speak to the leaders is because her friend did it for her.

Her friend told the leaders something that they already knew (or perhaps could have summised). It is the leaders who should have done something more appropriate for her - knowing in advance that she's part of a lesbian family, it's a bit strange for them to assume that she would definitely have a dad. Having had it reinforced by your DD's friend, it is even worse!

Never mind, if your DD is happy with the craft, then I suppose it's all OK.

pfbornot Wed 15-Jun-11 22:58:23


ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Wed 15-Jun-11 23:03:36

This is exactly why (I am a Brownie leader) we don't make gifts, cards or anything else for fathers' day.

singarainbow Wed 15-Jun-11 23:19:26

I don't want other kids not to make stuff if they have a dad, but I just would have liked them to have alternative or generic male craft stuff, so kids can add uncle/grandad/brother or whatever they wanted to it.

swallowedAfly Sun 19-Jun-11 22:05:41

Message withdrawn

TooBusyByHalf Mon 20-Jun-11 14:20:23

we went camping with 8 other lesbian families this weekend, not consciously avoiding father's day but happy co-incidence. Imagine my joy when a group of about 10 dads and their 10 year old (ish) boy children turned up on the pitch next door on Saturday night. Didn't see much father-son bonding going on though, mostly just dad-dad beer consumption ... hey ho

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